How can I do this

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  • #43474 Report

    Patayya371
    Participant

    Hellooo I am brand new to this I’ve never posted on anything before.

     

    I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first and this was a big shock as it was unplanned. It took me a while to get my head around it but I was starting to think I could cope when my boyfriend left me recently.

    Now i have never been the type of girl to rely on a man and crumble in their absence but this time i cannot get over the fact that i am pregnant and alone. I am seriously struggling and i have brilliant friends who say the right things but it just doesnt feel enough. I spend most of my time in bed crying while he is out drinking with friends and I know he has been with multiple other women in the past week that he left me.

    He says he will be there for me but every time we arrange to meet he is too hungover and we end up arguing. I am trying very hard to get over the fact that I hate him very much so that we can be civil for the sake of the baby but i cant do it with him shouting abuse down the phone to me because I get upset when he let’s me down.

    I’m just looking for any advice on how to carry on. I feel so guilty because all I can think about is how much I hate my life and the way its turning out. I feel so alone and it makes me feel sick that hes turned out so awful. I am struggling with everything I cant even look at the dishes, even showering is a chore, I make it to work but I work alone in an office most of the time or at home and spend most of my working hours crying. I dont know how to handle this I have always done everything on my own.

    I know i will love the baby when it comes but my thoughts make me feel so guilty that I’m not happy and i hate the whole situation so much.

    The thought that I can still have an abortion if I wanted to creeps into my head and then I spend hours crying from the guilt of thinking that at all.

    Any advice would be appreciated thanks x

    #43477 Report

    Maria_91
    Participant

    Hi Patayya, I’m in about the same situation as you. I have just recently found out I am 6 weeks pregnant after I broke up with my bf. In the last half year I also felt a lot of hate for him as he was trying to force me to live my life the way he thought was right and didn’t see how much he was pressuring me and how I let him do whatever he wanted. He also drinks and smokes like crazy. I haven’t told him yet as I don’t know what to do and if I want to go live closer to him for the baby (but I would hate to move and he would never move).

    Like you I thought about an abortion too, but now I think I want to keep it. I feel more excited about the baby and this started to be stronger than the hate for my bf. But I also know that if I keep it he will be in my life for the next years. I guess we just have to make sure we have more rights than them.

    Sorry I don’t have so much advice but if you want to talk, I am here :). Hugs

    #43479 Report

    Patayya371
    Participant

    Congratulations!

     

    It is very scary , I just dont think I could live with myself if I had an abortion I always said that’s how I would deal with the situation if I didnt feel ready but in reality I cant do it. But I also find it hard to remind myself that my baby is growing inside of me right now, this is something I should be happy about but the stress just takes over…

    I think what I’ve learnt though is that you have to do it your own way (I especially wouldnt move to be closer to him but that’s my personal thoughts , do you have family around ? If hes anything like my ex then family will be far more helpful to have around)

    Thank you for the message it helps knowing I’m not the only one feeling this way.

    #43480 Report

    Maria_91
    Participant

    Maybe keep your distance to your ex and make sure he understands that if he keeps doing what he’s doing you won’t make it easy for him to see your child. Maybe this is a phase and it will change. I also get the thing about not having anyone during this time, that is really hard for me too. But then again who says that there won’t be anyone else who is much better sometime later who may even be some kind of a father. Haha at least this is what I keep telling myself.

    No, my family is not in the UK, I moved away, didn’t want to be there anymore and 2 weeks before moving I met my ex. I guess it won’t be easy but it will hopefully work out somehow

    #43481 Report

    Patayya371
    Participant

    I think that’s definitely how I’ll have to handle it. I have a scan next week …. I dont want him there because he angers me so much but at the same time I want him to come and share one of the most exciting bits of the pregnancy…. guess I’ll just have to wait and see if he turns up….

    Oh gosh that is a trickier situation, but then of you havent told him yet his reaction may be better than you think and he may move to be close to his child?

    Yes hopefully there is someone nicer out there, maybe some lovely single dads looking for us mature and responsible  mummy’s haha

    #43507 Report

    Maria_91
    Participant

    Can you try to tell him if he misses the scan for you this means he is not interested and you would prefer him to be either in your child’s life or out and that its up to him to decide. It’s even more difficult if you cannot know how much (or not) you can count on him.

    I don’t think he will change his mind and move closer. It was the argue we always had when we were still together. He grew up in the same place he lives and has no interest to ever leave. I’m different and would actually like our child to be a bit more open to other places too, that’s also one reason I would like to stay. But I’m scared he will make my life hell and blame me that the child cannot see his/her father so often and for everything else that he doesn’t like.

    #43525 Report

    Patayya371
    Participant

    Hmmm well we were meant to meet the other night to discuss things and he ended up arguing with me over the phone and going to drunk with one of his girls… his priorities are definitely not me or the baby. I think I’m just going to leave him too it and if he gets in touch sober he can come and if not then it’s his loss…. felling a bit more calm about this today but my mindset on this is all over the place depending on my mood haha.

     

    My opinion on where you live would be stay of you are happy there , when my mum and dad separated he moved a 2-3 hour drive away and still managed to be around. It really is one of those things where they make it work if they want it. I’m slowly realising it’s not fair to cater to someone who wouldnt make the same changes. You need to think of your own needs and what makes you happy so you can be the best mum to your baby. I think anyway…

    #43550 Report

    Maria_91
    Participant

    Wow this is though. But at least you know now that for the moment you cannot rely on him. So you can just focus on yourself and the baby and don’t have to care about him. And thanks for your advice it means a lot. I will probably try to do this but if he will make my life hell will rethink.

     

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