Houseshare Single mum
- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by Anonymous.
13 November 2020 at 3:01 pm #45649
My husband has decided he wants out of our marriage; I’ve fought hard to try make the marriage work for the last year but he still insists he wants out; maybe we got married to young for him but we’ve got a nearly 2 year old together to think about.
We’re still renting and I only just started working June this year. Our son is currently in part time nursery as that the only way I can work 4 days a week and still just make enough to make ends meet. With my husband moving out I won’t be able to afford our house and yet moving out could cost even more on the long run. I’m not entitled to benefits so housing association isn’t an option. I just feel so stuck and hopeless at the moment and can’t think of a way out of this mess.
I considered possibly sharing the house with another single mum, we could help each other, each the rent and cost and be a support system for each other. I don’t know if people still do stuff like that but my mum said it was very common in her time.
Anyone possibly interested, we live in Welling London.18 November 2020 at 9:51 pm #45921
definitely is still a thing. My ex left during my pregnancy, I found a lot of adverts on a site called movethat.com met up with some other lovely single parents. A colleague ended up moving in with me (childless) and I’m actually glad that I don’t live with another parent; I still have that social side of another adult around the house, her and my son get on fantastic and she likes to take him out for walks to let me have a bath to myself now and then. One thing I hadn’t thought about with sharing with another parent is potential friction with different parenting styles. So if 2 children are under the same roof, 1 is brought up very freely and relaxed and the other is parented with a lot of structure and discipline it could cause unease between the children and parents.
It does work for some parents but personally I now don’t think I could house share with another parent & child.2 December 2020 at 9:46 pm #46538
I did a house share with other single parents for about 5 years! 2 with another mum and her child and the remainder with a guy who had older children who lived with their and visited at weekends. It definitely had many ups and downs but overall it was a positive, supportive experience and I would recommend. All the best to you. X3 December 2020 at 2:52 am #46544
Make sure it’s ok with your Landlord first if you haven’t done so and with any insurers for buildings/contents too. Best to get a police check, crb or whatever it’s called these days, just to be on the safe side, plus at least two reputable references, or an agency should do this for you. Hassle i know but worth it to avoid potentially disasterous consequences! Good Luck.
David x3 December 2020 at 11:34 am #46551
While I do understand the concerns, it’s not a straightforward matter but a CRB will not help at all in this instance.
The first house I moved to after splitting from my now ex-wife, I had a situation where the neighbour had living with them their brother who had severe difficulties due to PTSD and suffered from flashbacks from his time in the falklands war. While unintended and was not something that he could help he did pose a safety issue to my son as he was very young at the time and the flashbacks meant that he was hallucinating at 3am in the morning outside in the courtyard and would scream and shout and bang the walls etc. It got to the point where I couldn’t have my child stay there any more and I had to find alternative accommodation in the end and to be fair the letting agency were understanding of this and let me end the tenancy early.
During my time there the neighbour themselves called the police several times but when I phoned to ask about the situation the police were not allowed to disclose any information including whether or not they deemed the situation safe or whether it posed a threat to my son. Their advice was that if I had any concerns of that nature I should move and they were unable to provide any information due to Data Protection Act.
Going back to the comment above about a CRB check…. while useful for an employer, for the purpose you say above it would be useless as at best would provide a false sense of security, and in some cases it’s even an offence to request a check.
In cases where you can request a check, the only type of check you are able to request on an individual is what is known as a Basic CRB check. This will reveal any unspent convictions, meaning that any conviction that has past it’s “spent” phase and time served will not show even if they have been to prison and convictions where it is not a custodial sentence is less than this.
Less than (or equal to) 6 months – Sentence + 2 years (Sentence + 18 months)
More than 6 months and less than (or equal to) 30 months – Sentence + 4 years (Sentence + 2 years)
More than 30 months and less than (or equal to) 4 years – Sentence + 7 years (Sentence + 3 ½ years)
So as an example in terms of the basic check for example and what it would not reveal:
If someone has had a restraining order in the past… the spent period is the length of the order, so if this was in place for 6 months it would be spent after 6 months and therefore not appear on the CRB.
In terms of rehabilitation of offenders in any case it would be unfair to judge someone purely on the basis of having a previous conviction as many people make mistakes at some point along their lifetime and sometimes these are unfairly carried on into later life.
There are situations of course where some crimes are relevant however but not all relevant crimes in terms of safety are made known.
The most relevant available check to the situation above is relatively new and called Sarah’s law and relates specifically to child safety and allows you to ask whether someone with access to a child has a record of child sexual offences.
<span style=”color: #0000ee;”><u>https://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/police-disclosure-scheme.htm</u></span>
What David says above about reputable references I would personally take this to be moving in with people who I already knew or if I knew people who knew the prospective tenant because any referencing done by agencies such as letting agencies are simply credit checks and verifying ID not criminal records.
Even in the case of employment, Basic CRB checks only show unspent convictions. Spent convictions are declarable only for jobs where you are working with elderly, disabled/vulnerable or working with kids and would only show on an Enhanced Check.
I found myself in a situation recently where due to problems with current rental had to seek temporary accommodation but I didn’t have my son with me at the time, and so criteria was somewhat more flexible, but cost was a huge factor during this time, as I was still paying rent on where I was living despite it being uninhabitable. So I totally get the difficulty in finding affordable accommodation, especially during Covid lockdown and many of the affordable properties on RightMove are rooms in a house, so for many I can understand the need to consider the option as an alternative to being homeless.
My situation is now resolved but while I was looking found a site called Spareroom.co.uk which caters for the situation above, but if I had gone for that option and had my son staying with me I would certainly have taken extra steps to ensure who I was living with was suitable, and would not rely on any agency to do so for me for the reasons I gave above, as the safety this provides is very limited.
Many things to consider. If I was in a position where I had to share and have my child live with me I think my first port of call would be putting an ad up in school maybe or on one of the forums and link with other parents known to me (and it may be an advantage if your child also knows another child if you are staying with another parent). If it was sharing with someone who was not themselves a parent I would certainly only consider someone known to me already I think, or if a friend knew them very well for example. I don’t think any amount of referencing or record checks can prepare for this because of other considerations. If I drew up a list of all the people I trusted with my child, it would be a short list. If I were to draw up a list of people who I could live with and who I feel would be able to live with me and my child it would be even shorter.
There is certainly a shortage of affordable self-contained accommodation out there, and a definite gap in the market for the situation you describe.
Hope things work out for you.