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  • #13714 Report


    Hi all, this is a long post… I am in a bit of a pickle and I’d like some advice. I am planning my future without my husband at the moment and I would like to understand what my options are and what he’d be able to do… We currently live in a large house which is linked to his job. So, when we’ll split up, I will have to move out. We have an investment property that we bought after we got married, I would move there and have the children half of the time (or more). It’s considerably smaller than the house we live in,  but I am fine with it. Now, he said (I have no proof of it as I never had access to his bank account) that his parents gave him some money before we got married and he used that money as a deposit for the house. I am not sure whether this money was given to him before we got married or after. He said the money was just borrowed and we were to give it back to his parents once we sold the house. Back then I said “yes of course” and I still mean it. I should have asked for things to be written down, but I was young and naive. However, last year, when things started precipitating, I have found out he has about 20K in savings I knew nothing about. When questioned about it, I have been told it was the money he put on a side to give it back to his parents. This was not what was agreed at all and I got mad.  I have asked both him and his parents repeatedly to clarify what the agreement was because I was in the position of giving my share of the money back to his parents. They all told me to forget about it and not to worry about that money. So I took my money and made a payment towards the mortgage as at the end of the day I don’t think what they did is legally binding and I have asked multiple times to tell me what was going on and they refused to answer (this is a very common pattern in my marriage). Last time we have been discussing the separation, I mentioned to my husband that I would also be entitled to half of the savings and he told me those 20K don’t belong to us, they belong to his parents and it was given to him before the marriage so I can forget about it.

    My question here is, where do I stand legally? My view is that once we bought the house it didn’t matter what the money came from as there was nothing in writing. 50% of the savings would still be mine ( I am not being greedy, my income is 5 times lower than his and he already said he has no intention of paying maintenance to me, only the children). I don’t want to take money which is not mine. I am more than happy to give the money to his parents – not to him as he asked- if and when the house will be sold as initially agreed – with him, not me-  if they just sit down and tell me the truth. I am really tired of being treated like this. It’s the hiding that really winds me up.  I hope the situation is clear, and thank you in advance for your help

    #13722 Report



    You’ll need to get a financial consent order arranged through a solicitor (unfortunately as it makes it very costly). For that, both of you will be required to provide full financial disclosure of all assets and debts and provide documentation to back it all up.

    The starting point of any agreement is a 50/50 split of all assets and all debts. It is totally irrelevant whether the money came to you or him before or after the marriage. It is all divided 50/50. If he can prove, in writing, that the money from his parents was a loan to him – i.e. There’s a written agreement – then that is a different matter as the money technically belongs to his parents. He may have something in writing that they don’t want to show you for whatever reason. If the money that he says he has put to one side to pay them back is in an account in his name then tough on him – the court won’t care what he was putting it aside for, technically 50% of it could come to you.

    That said, the 50/50 split is the staring position for negotiation and how it is  eventually actually split, is open for discussion and will depend on the needs of each party and the children.


    #13726 Report


    Go on wikivorce website I read a number of similar posts to this on their forum apparently it’s a common obstacle that crops up in divorce settlements someone might have great advice for u. It was a life saver for me in my divorce. I’ve only just discovered this website now – don’t know how I didn’t spot it before! Forums are so good for getting hold of someone with experience in what you are going through.

    All the best!

    #13848 Report


    Hi, thank you for your replies. That helps a lot. I don’t think there’s anything in writing, which I believe is also the reason why he has been so defensive when I raised the issue. He’s trying to protect his parents’ money. I have registered on WiKivorce, thank you. there is a lot of stuff in there and they also offer a free  20 mins consultation!


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