When my son was 7 he lost his mum and naturally he was very upset at her death and funeral,he has been brave and carried on admirably. He has had many mature innocent people unknowingly ask him about his mum and he has answered and coped well. 20 months on. Sadly last night at 7pm at a dinner,a boy of the same age who was in the knowledge of the circumstances,said to my son,”where is your mummy,oh yeah she is in heaven”. We all fell silent and the other boys grandad said,"he dont need reminding of that”. My son managed to get through that moment but I wondered. We got home and I put my son to bed as usual without any problem. Half an hour later he came into the living room sobbing his heart out,”I miss my mummy”. I felt so hopeless and inadequate I just held him for ages not knowing what to say. Eventually I told him it was a good thing that he remembered his mummy and the times he had with her. The matter still seems to be unresolved and I wonder how many more times this will happen,what more can I do or say?
Hi I’m really sorry that you’ve both gone through this. In my experience it’s best to keep lines of communication open and talk about his Mum in a day to day manner, let him know it’s normal to miss her and it’s okay to talk about her and be honest with him about how you’re feeling too. It’s 6 years since I lost my dad and my family and I find mentioning him really helps sometimes we still cry sometimes we laugh about memories- but the more you do this the more often you end up laughing bit by bit. I hope this is helpful. 🙂
Oh my goodness genuinefella65, i shed a tear reading this, I think you did exactly the right thing (a big fat hug) and sounds like you’re in tune with his feelings (you knew what was coming), he’s lucky for that. Unfortunately we can’t protect our children from what folks might say, intentional or non intentional and it’s normal to have moments like this. It might be worth, if you feel able, to speak with bereavement services. The GP should be able to provide the number. I’m not suggesting you go see them but they’ll have come across this so many times and be well equipped with techniques and suggestions to help your son
When someone passes away you would want to hold on to the memories like a memory box and talk about the lovely things you did together . Looking at photos etc…and putting them in a box so that you keep that memory alive .
Thank you for your responses and advice. It was a real shock for the first time in 20 months my son was truly mourning the loss of his mum,brought on by that comment. Luckily after a goodnight sleep my son seems to be back on the level.
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