Holiday in exam time

[J1Participant]

ex has booked to take child away for mini break abroad atvend of half term in middle of GCSE’S. Child and I very worried that child won’t be back for exams on the Monday and child has pleaded with dad not to go but he won’t listen or reply. His attitude is ‘it will be fine’. Dad has contact order so it is ‘his weekend’ but Child is 17 this year. Child is desperately worried that they might miss gcse exams if flight delayed. Child too scared of dad to blankly refuse to go. School are not happy either. Any ideas. Desperate. Thx

• This topic was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by  J1.

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

Two choices really.

1. Go to a solicitor and ask to get a single issue order from the court, declining the trip while exams are on

Or 2. Make you and ds scarce when ex comes to collect him, so he he has to leave Without him or miss his flight/train/ferry.

GCSE age is old enough for dc to decide for themselves whether they want to go, so legally your ex doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Unless the CAO specified it ran until 18 years of age – which is unusual – it no longer applies. At 16 your child has the right to make their own decisions. And tbh even if this applied until 18, if your ex took you to court because your 16 year old children refused due to exams your ex would be the one looking unreasonable.

Given that they have concerns, ultimately they really need to state to their father they either do not wish to go or wish to return early. I presume they wish to study as well, so maybe asking for the holiday to be rearranged would have been preferable earlier, however that is now not possible.

Your options are:

1. You intervene and say she doesn’t want to go
2. She tells him
3. She goes
4. You “lose” her passport

[J1Participant]

Thanks guys…Child has told dad lots they don’t want to go but ex says ‘just chill’..Child has texted dad a heartfelt message saying same but ex doesn’t reply. I have messaged ex lots but I am told not to interfere /nothing to do with me…school have phoned him but he doesn’t answer. He has passport from previous holiday etc. He is untouchable. Child too scared to say ‘I am not going’..Child is very very emotional and has tried reasoning with him but he will make child go.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Then you need to decide what you want to do. If his wrath is worse than going then nothing. Otherwise text him stating that she is not going. And then either not be around when he is due to arrive or face him?

But to me unless he is told categorically that she isn’t going that’s unfair on him too. When is the flight back? From which airport and where to in UK? Is it somewhere that alternative back up transport could be arranged?

[J1Participant]

Child has told him they don’t want to go many times both in person and by message. I have too. Flight is different to what he first said also. Now it’s two flights relying on connections etc. Flights are next Sunday..exams Monday. Believe me I have researched every flight back to the uk as alternatives just in case etc. You don’t know my ex! His wrath is vile. If child doesn’t go he will solely lay blame on me brainwashing etc and will take me to court for non compliance of order and even though  child is over 16 he will say I am bad mom/ affecting child’s mental health and try to gain residence etc. He will also deliberately disrupt any holidays I have booked and not drop child back or withheld passport. I am at the end of my tether.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Then you need to make a stand.

At 16 even if he took you to court – he’d look an idiot doing so – the fact that you have a papertrail of her saying she doesn’t want to go and that school are involved will mean that he will look like an arse! I don’t say that lightly – but he’d be appearing unreasonable. So I genuinely wouldn’t worry about this. Indeed if he did I would say don’t bother paying for a solicitor and self represent as it is so daft. No magistrate is going to agree or take a suggestion of noncompliance for a 16-17 year old seriously!

As for disrupting further holidays you have planned – the simple solution is to cancel the passport if you know it’s number. Stating that it’s lost if he is refusing to give it to your daughter- at 16 it is HER document not his! And then get a new one. You can also alert border control that she doesn’t wish to go and is being coerced.

But the most simple approach is to send a final message stating she wont be going – preferably from daughter’s number – then go somewhere calm for her to revise to avoid conflict when he arrives at your home. And I would even go to the exam from a different location to avoid confrontation on the day of the exam.

If you let him control, he will continue to do so. You’re separated but may as well not be and what you’re showing your daughter is that this is acceptable and that he can control her too! 🙁

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

I agree with SOLO, it’s time to make a stand with your child, or your ex is going to keep trying to control you both.

Perhaps call the lovely people here on the single parent’s helpline.

GCSEs are hard enough. Putting this kind of pressure on a child intentionally is bordering on abuse.

Good luck

 

 

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