Hoe do people cope with being lonely as a single parent?

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Usan 1 month, 1 week ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #28641 Report

    Purple2018
    Participant

    I’ve been single for a number of years and when the kids were younger I found it a lot easier to fill my spare time with activities with other parents.

    Mine<span style=”line-height: 1.5;”> are both in their teens now and I find it so difficult, they don’t see their father so have been solely with me for some time and as a result I haven’t maintained any real social life. My youngest is very social and now spends a lot of time with friends and doing her own activities which obviously I encourage, and the eldest is held up in his bedroom most of the time not wanting to really engage with me at all. I’ve been off work this week and have really struggled, I know lots of people but don’t really have any close friends to call on so feel so lonely! </span>

     

    <span style=”line-height: 1.5;”>I’m quite shy and lack confidence and I know this is holding me back. </span><span style=”line-height: 1.5;”>The weather is beautiful and I would love nothing more than to be down the beach but don’t want to do it alone so am just moping around the house feeling crap about myself. How do other people cope : ( don’t know how to get myself out of this rut.</span>

    #28661 Report

    F1madmum
    Participant

    🙁  I don’t have anything helpful to say, really, as only been a single parent for 3 months. But I  just wanted to say hi. I am going to feel the full weight of the loneliness in an hour, when the toddler is in bed.

    I will be interested to hear responses from others.

    Take care.

    #28667 Report

    Ru83
    Participant

    Where are based purple2018?? If you want talk I’m happy to chat.

    #28688 Report

    Bella158
    Participant

    Hello

    Ive been a single parent now for 5 years, I’ve had 2 short relationships in that time but now my kids live with me most of the time I haven’t got any free time to date.

    I too get lonely, even during times when I’m doing things with the kids, I see other families all together and wish that for myself and the kids.

    It’s hard, and I know you’re shy, but there’s no other way of changing how you feel until you change your routine.

    I actually took my kids to the local pub one afternoon in the sun and sat in the beer garden by myself while they played with a football at the side. Yes, I felt silly and sad on my own, especially surrounded by couples and groups, but an older couple struck up a conversation with me and it helped to have adults to talk to. I left feeling happy, and for once not lonely.

    You will have to come out of your comfort zone. You never know where it may lead, and most of all…. be brave. Grow a thick skin and don’t worry what others think.

    #28689 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I’ve been a single mum for 7 years.

    The loneliness will creep up if you let it so Bella is right. Be brave and go places on your own or with your daughter. The easiest things are where there is a specific activity, pub quiz, yoga class etc.

    #28697 Report

    Purple2018
    Participant

    Thank you for replying.

    I did snap out of it yesterday in the end, managed to get my eldest out for a walk and an ice cream, and did feel better for it.

    I think I probably know what I have to do really it’s just pushing me outside of my comfort zone, and thats uncomfortable!

    Ive been on my own for nearly 5 years and you do get stuck in your routine (I was quite happy in that routine until recently). Slightly annoyed at myself this week as I feel like I have wasted my week off feeling sorry for myself.

    Ru83 I’m in South Wales.

    Bella158 I know exactly what you mean, even when you are out and about with people you can feel lonely. thats quite a brave thing to do sitting in a pub on your own. The trouble I have now is that my eldest wont be seen dead with me and if i take the youngest anywhere with me as soon as she see’s someone she knows she’s off so then I really am sat there on my own which makes me feel a bit stupid – I think your right though, I need to grow a pair and just get out there!

     

     

    #28710 Report

    Lak
    Participant

    I can totally relate to this. I am a newly single parent to a 10 year old. I’m also a teacher. This is relevant because it is the summer holidays, the time I usually love the most because I have 6 whole weeks with my son. But I am so lonely, I’m doing the same holiday activities I always do with him but it is just not the same. My colleagues have been my rock during the breakup, which was very sudden and I am missing the routine of work and being able to speak to them every day.

    #28941 Report

    Usan
    Participant

    Hi Purpol,

    I think we share a few common elements of our experience, I also have sole care of my two pre teen and teen children and as they are getting older have found my social life getting smaller and smaller and have also tailored my professional life to cope with being available for all things as they come up .

    It’s very hard to cope with not having any spare money and I also find that being the only input my children have is quite tricky as they have no other adult to relate their problems too or learn things from .

    I feel in a rut too . I was a teacher until a year ago when I realised I was putting all my mental energy into teaching and my students needs and was not able to be present in my kids lives or enjoy life really as I just felt totally exhausted and was always rushing to get them to bed so I could mark papers / prepare lessons / complete data required / prepare for observations 🤦🏻‍♀️ . My new job is part time much less demanding but doesn’t bring in enough money to meet all our costs. Plus I’m new to it and feel a bit of a fraud really even more so as most of my energy is focused on getting through the hours and remembering what needs doing.

    Are you working too ? It’s tough managing it all and I know what you mean about feeling lonely and not feeling you can do anything about it .

    I felt relieved to see your post as sometimes it feels like I’m the only one “ still on their own “ (!) I’ve not made a new relationship work really and although I dated for a year I never really felt confident in introducing a new man into my family and just can’t see how I would make it work

    Ive pared everything back to be able to manage financially and as a result live quite a basic life my clothes are mainly given to me by friends ( kind of them and always done to help eg “before I take them to charity shop I thought you might like this” ) I realise now that  a social life does require putting funds aside and in all honesty I’ve been haemorrhaging money since I changed jobs and rarely break even every month .

    So purple I don’t know how we’re going to keep our heads up but I’ll do my best and will cheer you on from here !

    Thank you for sharing how you feel, I feel less alone now and I hope you do too .

    I really liked the responses from everyone . It’s hard to get out and about and knowing others are out there going it alone is a great comfort

    Would love any tips on how to stop feeling defeated!

    Good luck to everyone reading or on this thread I hope the week is kind to you all.

    usan

     

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