Hi I’m new ✋🏼 Really struggling just want to say hi

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This topic contains 19 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  shesnotok 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)
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  • #25175 Report

    shesnotok
    Participant

    Hi all I’m new to the site, I’ve 4 children been separated a year now but things are getting harder by the day.

    X

    #25176 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi.

    I’ve been separated for two years now and it’s just become official. She left me with our three children. At the beginning my head was all over the place. I felt betrayed, angry, sad over and over again. We were together for 23 years. Please believe me it does get better. You will have down times. I’m going through one now simply because as I said it’s official now. If you read my recent post Single Dad you will see that you have to be strong for the kids.

    #25179 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi shesnotok,

    i’m in awe of anyone who copes with four children. I only have one.

    Things do seem to get harder for a bit, I think it’s the period of change when you move from one set of finances to another, new routine, new childcare, new home.

    It will get easier, honestly 💐

    #25181 Report

    shesnotok
    Participant

    Hi thanks for replying, I’ve not really said much have I.

    Really struggling with general life right now which affects my memory a lot and I have difficulty getting things out so when I can I will try explain more.

     

    Hope your doing well peter sorry to hear your split how are things now? How old are the children?

     

    Hi kathy please don’t be I’m not doing a very good job right now, can’t get my head to focus on one thing. I’m one person and I’ve got so much responsibility 4 humans, work, house, car I feel like I could explode but I go into shut off and just sit like a zombie.

    #25182 Report

    Hi shesnotok

    It sounds like there is a lot affecting you at the moment, but I am glad you have made contact with other parents here on the forum.  There will be people here that will have had similar experiences and have come out out the other side.  Please continue to chat, they are a great bunch.

    At Gingerbread we have a single parent helpline.  It may be that they can offer you some support or signpost you to agencies which may be able to help.  They are a very experienced team of advisers, so please think about giving them a call.  Here are their details:

    <!  Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours: Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

    I wish you well and hope this helps.

    Justine

    #25186 Report

    Ginger1002
    Participant

    Hi shesnotok,

     

    I too have 4 children and have been separated for 3 weeks. My husband walked out the first time in Dec and then asked to come back home after getting sick and nearly dying and then walked out for a second time 3 weeks ago. Turns out he had been cheating on me along and has gone to live with her. I am struggling to get my head around everything too but just taking it a day at a time. Everyone says it gets easier with time but when you have been with someone for 23 years, I can’t see a life without him in it. Trying to stay strong for my boys!

    Feel free to message me and chat.

    Emma

     

    #25189 Report

    shesnotok
    Participant

    Thank you so much for the number I think I need to Speak to someone I can’t keep feeling like this.

    Hi ginger, well what can I say disgusting behaviour from him are you ok? I no your not but how are you feeling now? Did u suspect him?

    It does get easier the feelings towards the ex mines more life now I’m not having a very good time, I’m ready to give in its all too much

    #25190 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi shesnotok

    15 13 9

    one girl 2 boys.

    The 15 year old thinks she’s going on 28😂😂😂

    #25192 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Shesnotok, I recognise that overloaded feeling.

    My son is 10 now so I leave him with his toast and Ninjago on Saturday mornings and I do park run. It gives me 45  minutes of no-one talking to me and I can sort out everything inside my head, mull things over, plan my week.

    It’s not much but it’s really important.

    I hope you feel better soon xx

    #25193 Report

    shesnotok
    Participant

    Ohh I’ve a 14 year old girl and wow she will be the end of me..

    thanks hun I’ve tried to get my head straight and it’s just never ending x

    #25195 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi shesnotok

    I’ve had to adjust pretty fast and I still am.

    sometimes it feel as if I’m not going to cope but you have to.

    As soon as they are all in bed it’s me time 😀😀

    I always make sure they have a drink I a plastic bottle next to their bed just incase they wake up wanting a drink simply so I’m not having to run upstairs if the wake😂😂 it works wonders once they get use it .

    I then do the house work not that there much coz I tidy up as I go.

    Then it’s a nice warm bath relax time.

    Them a glass of wine or a hot chocolate in front of the tv .

    You have to make time for yourself even if it’s a couple of hours.Take ten minutes throughout the day when possible.For example when they are sat down watching a bit of tv or they are having something to eat.

    Make time for yourself it’s so important

    PeterD

     

    #25197 Report

    Ginger1002
    Participant

    Hi shesnotok,

    I suspected something wasn’t right back in Dec and I confronted him but of course he denied it. How dare I accuse him, I’m imagining it blah blah! When he was in hospital, messages popped up on his phone from her and that’s when I knew for sure. I think I am still in denial and half expect him to walk back through the door. Numb that he could do this to me and finding it difficult to fathom a way forward but I have to for my kids.

    I can definitely relate with things getting too much so feel free to chat here when that happens!

    #25198 Report

    shesnotok
    Participant

    I’d love to say I put the kids to bed then relax but I’m so tired all the time I’m in bed before them the house is upside down and my 2 year old doesn’t sleep well. I’ve lost control of everything I used to be really good at.. amazing how life can just change in a second.

    Sounds harsh hun but if that’s what he’s doing then your worth more and leave him too it, shows his true colours doesn’t it.

    Thnks for the kind words everyone xx

    #25199 Report

    Newsinglemummy
    Participant

    Just wanted to say hi..my husband walked out 2 months ago and I’ve also felt completely shell shocked. I can imagine 4 children is hard to manage but at least you all have each other-the older ones will see what mistakes your oh has made. You probably don’t feel it but you will be doing brilliantly…someone said to me just keep putting one foot in front of the other until it’s not an effort anymore. It’s still an effort but I look forward to a day when this is all just a horrible memory. We will move on-we deserve better xxxx

    #25203 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    Evening all,

    It will get better – it’s quite recent still, but I’m finding that the clouds are starting to clear more now.

    This forum has really helped me – I felt really isolated, but here there are people in the same boat who understand, and it does help. I’ve also found reading through the threads that people do come out the other side.

    There’s a thread on here called Friday Night Social where people can go and just chat; if you feel down on a Friday night, or any other night, head over there.

    Keep going guys, even if you feel overwhelmed and it may not seem like it, you are doing a good job; I’ve spent so many years before this happened not being told I was doing a good job, and in the end, I realised that I was, I just didn’t have anyone telling me, which I really needed.

    SD

    • This reply was modified 3 months ago by  SoccerDad.
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