Hi guys I'm new
4 June 2018 at 1:01 am #11820
I’m wondering if anyone else is in the same position. I have 3 children by 3 men and I’m completely on my own. I love my children dearly yet I feel I have let them down by being in this position. I fell pregnant at 20 with someone I barely knew, he wasn’t interested so I knew I was in it alone from the start.
I then met someone I completely loved and we had a child together, only dad 2 developed a secret drug addiction and I felt I had to protect my children from his lifestyle. He was a great dad when around yet the wider implications of his lifestyle and how it would affect them was deeply concerning. As the older two have grown older, they have decided that they don’t wish to know him, and he appears to accept this, yet has made no alterations to his lifestyle choices.
Dad 3 was a whirlwind. I guess to try and move on from what happened before and feeling desperate for a family life. Married within 6 months and fell pregnant (unplanned). Had my youngest child and my marriage turned very nasty, domestically abusive and violent. There is no contact and in all honesty that’s more his end than mine but in a sense it’s also a relief.
I feel so guilty for the choices I made in men and I worry how this will affect my children in the future. We have no support and I try to do my best to be superwoman but it’s exhausting. I also feel great shame of the reality of my situation and it’s hard not to wonder is it all me at times4 June 2018 at 10:07 am #11822
I’m afraid I don’t have any practical advice, and I’m struggling myself to make sense of how I ended up on this forum(!). One thing I feel compelled to write is that it sounds like the men in your life are the problem and not you. You sound like a good mother and a good person in a very difficult situation. Which is something you have in common with a lot of the people on here. A bit of a rubbish response I know, but hopefully someone else will chime in with something more useful!4 June 2018 at 9:21 pm #11839
It’s not a rubbish response dadof2. It’s helpful that you pointed out that at least here I have things in common with people, which makes me feel less alone. I’m wondering how I found myself on this forum too but I guess it’s about healing and finding a sense of self help and support4 June 2018 at 11:45 pm #11849
Some people live to judge others, it’s what makes them feel better about themselves, try not to let what those people might think affect you. Most people hearing the story you have just told would, I hope, be like dadof2 and me thinking that your story is completely understandable and relatable, we’ve all been dumped on by partners then believed we’ve found our Prince Charming only to be dumped on again at some point in our lives I’m sure. Don’t feel guilty for your choices, you didn’t choose a man with a drug addiction or one who beat you, they hid that side from you when you chose to have a relationship with them. The choices that you did make were to leave and those were very good choices. I’m sure you and your children would much rather you be a single Mum with 3 children to 3 men than a battered wife staying with a husband who beats you (and probably eventually your kids) to keep up appearances. Well done for getting out, that took real strength and guts. It does sound as though you could do with someone to talk to and give you some support, I hope you find someone on here but if not you could always give the Samaritans a call, they aren’t just there for people who are feeling suicidal, they can just be someone to offload and chat to xx