10 August 2018 at 6:00 am #14378
I am a single Dad.
Become a single Dad recently.
It happened abroad, I moved to Europe for the sake of my wife but she left us,myself and my son 3 years old.
I am returning to England of course as I cannot get anything here and I cannot support or raise my son here alone with no social help.
I have no idea how and what am I going to be able to do as I practically have about 2 grand saved up and the travel and accomadation I was able to find for 24 days is going to eat up about 1000 out of this saving.
I am going to arrive to Tonbridge Wells as any closer to London was out of affordability.Before I moved to Europe we were living in Greenwich for about 15 years.
I am writing this to assume help form you guys out there single Dads and Moms as I am pretty devastated and don’t know what else I can do as getting help from the Government will not be happening for at least 3-4 months.
So if you know what I can do please get in touch!10 August 2018 at 8:04 am #14380
Hi,thank you for you answer.We were out for 3 years.I do not know where she is gone.I am an orphan have no family what so ever.So as you can see nothing and nobody really I can turn to.Friends we have,we had are out of reach.Tonbridge Wells was the cheapest on the searches I been used.I payed the booking fee already.10 August 2018 at 8:03 pm #14396
Hi I am really sorry to hear your story. I have an idea but it’s a bit mad. I think you should write to some local churches in in tunbridge in advance and explain your situation in and see if they have anyone like parishioners who will put you and your boy up until Christmas until you are able to sort yourself out and pay them back
UK is very expensive and your money won’t last . Good luck and I’m sorry this can’t help13 August 2018 at 1:47 pm #14450
What sort of accommodation have you booked? Bed and breakfast? I’m confused as to how tonbribge was the cheapest uk location.13 August 2018 at 3:17 pm #14459
i found it on homestay.
I tired a lot of different sites but they all asked for impossible things I cannot provide right now being out of the country for 3 years.
Homestay did not require any of the sort,and on this website this was the only whole month nice and location wise ok place for the sort of money I was able to pay.I was exchanging long e mails even for this one. Trust me it is not easy ….13 August 2018 at 6:05 pm #14477
How about contacting the citizens advice bureau nearest to where you are staying?14 August 2018 at 7:40 am #14502
That is the first thing on my list.Than I will go to the council and declare ourselves as homeless.Apply for income support and housing benefit and every other thing that is under God’s blue sky.27 August 2018 at 5:43 am #15021
I am feeling all kind of scare right now.
It is only a few weeks left and we are on the way back to England.I am not finding the thoughts and words how to explain my son that that his mother is not with us and why.
I made a plan how to approach things when we back.Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau first and than given by what they say carry on with the steps they tell me what to do but I still full with questions and fears.
It is going to be hard I know but I do not know how it is going to be.Finding money income untill we can get any benefits coming through and proper accomodation is my biggest fears of course.
Having only little money in the pocket makes me feel helpless and desperate.God only knows why things like this happens to a person but I finding this way to cruel whatever sins I have ever commited which I am not aware of.-because as far as I know I have been living a clean, straight normal life trying to do the entire best in my life.Never cheated,never been disloyal, I was trying to do everything in order to make my family happy.In our entire life together we had about 10-15 arguments over a ten years of period.I took everything like a man.I iron,clean,wash,diswash, I was cooking as she doesn’t know how to cook never learned.Doing the shopping all the bloody things I ever could and still it was not good enough.I am a loving and good father that she always admited so for the love of God what else did I miss?I try to keep myself fit and maybe even desireable and yet she goes off with some Guy because she said: It just happened,people love out of each other……..You are a fantastic Man……
what a big bunch of bull
So yes I am 44 years old man who is broken down by heart,life and every other thing you can name. I have a 3 year old son I love more than my own life and have to start my life again build everything with having nothing…….
All I know that I must do try, must look ahead and do what ever I can….I do not want to see my son go hungry,being cold and unhappy
How am I going to be able to do this? I do not have a single clue yet…..29 August 2018 at 10:29 am #15117
How am I feeling today?
Not much better…
I cannot shake the worries off my back. I still love the mother of my son despite what she done.
I still suffer from all this and I still afraid of the future.
I feel the pain as it was yesterday…I cannot for the love of God can understand all this. I am having my last week at work, abroad in a Country I just started to vaguely understand.
Nobody really knows what is going on with me only my superior knows as I had to of course share it with.
Couple of more Guys I got to know on the production floor and that is it.
I feel lonely, hurt and down. Yet I cannot allow myself to feel these feelings for the sake of my son. He is such a lovely boy. Next week I will have to put him in the car and coming back to England which will be brand new to him.
He’s got some little friends here in the local Kinderkrippe, I guess he will miss them. I will need to find him a Nursery-Pre-School but I don’t even know how to do this.
Here in Austria, that day we just walked into the one closest to us, done the paperwork in 15 minutes and a day after he was attending. It was free and only paid for the food which was quite satisfactory.
How does it work in the UK?
Is it a same good and simple thing human and family centred or is it difficult? Getting him in would be important so I can take care of the necessary things such as the Benefits and Citizens Advice Bureau etc…. not to mention to have mates in his age he can play with.
Can you let me know maybe how it works in the UK? Does it cost and how can I get support if it is as obviously I will not have a job and m savings are quite limited….29 August 2018 at 1:53 pm #15134
I am an orphan.I haven’t got any family I am afraid.
What you wrote is dark. I cannot simcerely believe that our system would be worst than the one they have here.
I do hope that you are wrong, while I am saying this I am saying it with all do respect.
I have seen so many immigrants and assylum seekers getting more than everything staright away that I cannot believe that we cannot get help.
Apart from this past 3 years I have been working and paying my taxes by the clock all the time.
I do not have any relation to any area and I gotta believe that the Citizens Advice Bureau have the right tools in order to help to achive what ever we need to get the right help.
What are they going to do?-throw us onto the trash out of the building?-a father and a 3 years old son?
You cannot be serious,plus having no credit cards or anthing like that there are no options I have to get in Depts either.
I do not really know anybody I could ask for even a penny so there you are…… got nothing at all plus minus everything.29 August 2018 at 7:31 pm #15157
I am so sorry to hear your story, what a lonely situation and I am sure you feel hopeless at the moment. I don’t have any experience of returning to the UK from abroad but I have been a totally single parent for 7 years, so understand how desperately alone you may be feeling.
Please don’t feel scared of what is going to happen. Are you a British national? If so I can offer advise on what will happen at the council, but I am unsure of the process if you aren’t?
Keep talking, there are lots of us here who want to help.
N29 August 2018 at 9:48 pm #15162
There are private nursery that need paying but and they also ask for deposit. Nursery in london ate £52 to £89 per day.
There are also free ones but they will ask for evidence that your son is entitled to a free place and even if you were successful it is only term time and part time .
You are taking a big gamble to come back to.the uk . I don’t understand why you would give your secure job up and take your child away from an environment that he knows to come to the UK when you have no family or friends here. I know your wife hurt you but you have not thought this through properly . As I told you before your money will run out.
It’s getting colder here now , food and clothing is expensive too.30 August 2018 at 5:36 am #15164
thank you for your “advice”
You have been blunt so I will be too. This goes for Sherima and SOLOMUM MY.
For you NiaW I say thank you for being nice, Yes, I am British. -so, if you can help than thank you.
For all the blunts:
I joined Gingerbread as they told me on the phone that I can find people here with kind heart and a helpful attitude.
SOLOMUM MY and Sherima from this secured job and what this country can give I will not be able to save a penny plus this 2 K will dissolve quickly and I will have truly nothing.
Don’t you think I have spent every waking moment to make plans and thinking about what and why and how? I did let me assure you.
Right now, I must think long term.
I have practically no rights here what so ever, nothing I can even properly apply for especially now when BREXIT hangs over Europe.
Do I have to work? Sure, thing and I want to. I been working all my life and working very hard. I put myself through my schools and I got 2 diplomas and with that 3 qualifications. Not because I am stupid or unrealistic. I grew up as an orphan and I had nothing from anybody in my life.
As per being a big gamble.
I am homesick as well as broken hearted and all the crap that comes with it, but I am coming home. Here I was called a f… ing foreigner not just once.
I want my son at the place where he is not going to be called as such. He is my son, he is British and in England he will not be a foreigner.
My wife hurt? -yes, she thrown away everything just because the love she felt has gone she says. She says you are a fantastic Man a great father but I am not in love anymore. Never mind everything I do and did and we achieved together. Having a wonderful boy and I could make a long list here for what a Guy from work, because he apparently makes her blood flow? While and it is not my opinion but I am being considered as a fit, good looking Man as well.
Yes, it hurts, the pain is unspeakable. It is practically killing me.
Having no family and friends in the UK?
Let me tell you something, I have seen and seeing more lonely people surrounded with friends and family than I am right now.
That is the sad truth of our modern society at this holly moment.
About getting cold and food is expensive in the UK.
Try this, here the winter is snow fallen and around minus 20 sometimes colder.
Open Tesco.hu online shopping and Tesco.uk online shopping sites. Put the same items into the baskets.
I promise you that the price will come up in a way that the amount here will be about 20-30 % more expensive than in the UK while the average salary is less than a half than in the UK.
So, what else left out not being able to answer I can if you ask again bluntly.
All I was hoping from this community is help and understanding for a fellow person who is going through a very hard time as most of the people has gone through here if I assume right.30 August 2018 at 7:14 pm #15199
hi, it is not easy with homeless applications. you need to prove that you are not intentionally homeless. usually in london you need to prove that you lived in the area for 3 + years. i would suggest to have a look in the council on what they would advise. if you have a child, they might find a hostel for the short term. tho you would need to pay service charge, what is about 20-30 per week. Check if you can get housing benefit. not all areas have universal credit. they pay housing benefit even if you share a flat or rent privately.31 August 2018 at 5:33 am #15217
I have also taken it badly as well I suppose.
Before you try living abroad in a country as such as this, not going there for a quick Holiday, actually living there and see how things are going you couldn’t really know what is possible or what is not. I am 44 and you may say I am still young, but I must start everything from scratch again with so much to digest and get a peace with.
While we were a “family” doing things together of course it was different and it was OK as I see things can happen and things can grow….
But when somebody drop you into a darkest hell and destroy your heart in about 40 seconds while you reading their text message about bye-bye old used piece of garbage I found somebody else, -than things rapidly change. You face a few things that will change you and your life maybe forever.
I want to feel happy, I want to feel being needed and appreciated again I want to feel myself being loved for the right reasons for the Man who I am and for the Man who has the qualities I have. A Man who can give, appreciate and love somebody making them feel special for everyday who would see and know that that whatever I do I do it for them to make them happy and loved. Because believe me that is all I did, and nothing else.
My son is the only thing I love greater now than my life or anything that I have ever possessed or had a chance to be a part of.
He is a lovely boy a little miracle in this hell hole of life I have left with right now.
I cannot feel angry I cannot feel anything I cannot let my feelings lose I feel like I will explode for one reason, because I feel and I feel deeply while most of the people I know just doesn’t give a damn about anything. She lives her life with her newly found love and so called freedom while I am left behind to fight the fight and trying to create a new life and new beginning. I got no new partner to go to who will provide me everything, I got no new anything or anybody to give me anything….
So yes, I may took it badly…….