12 March 2021 at 11:46 pm #51158
This is my first post here since joining. I am a single mum, my daughter is 7 (almost 8) and I’ve been a single parent since she was born. She’s never met her father.
I just wanted to reach out really as I feel like people can’t really comphrend how challenging, lonely and isolating (especially this past 12 months) it is unless they’ve had the same experience. I think just not having someone to share it all with, to make decisions with or discuss things with can be really hard and extremely lonely.
I work part time and am currently on furlough (3rd time) and I am concerned about childcare issues when I am due to return (I work evenings and weekends). My mum used to help me but she works full time and looks after my dad who is really unwell now, so it’s a lot for her. I am concerned I may have to leave and apply for Universal Credit which I am anxious about. I am going to submit a flexible working request but given the needs of the business, it’s unlikely for anything to be able to change really. Has anyone else ever had a similar experience?
I would really like to connect and chat with others like myself.
For all of those who may be or have ever struggled, I feel you and I see you.
Helena x13 March 2021 at 1:37 am #51173
Well, if it makes you feel better about humanity, I embraced becoming a father…not all men run away (though alot do)…my daughter is my life, I love hearing her singing in the other room as she does her school homework, and when she texts me from the other room to ask for a bagel with strawberry cream cheese…it cracks me up…I let go of my ego years ago, in order to focus on being a parent…sometimes, we end up where we are supposed to be in life…13 March 2021 at 1:39 am #51174
Yes, being a single parent is difficult…but so, so worth everything!13 March 2021 at 9:40 am #51186
Ah that’s so sweet. I call my daughter Dolly (it’s a nickname) and she calls me big Dolly – so big Dolly and little Dolly!
I feel you. I think I’m the same. She is my main focus right now.
How old is your daughter?
Thanks for getting in touch.13 March 2021 at 1:21 pm #51193
My daughter just turned 12, and she’s a good girl…but she stays up way too late, sometimes when I say goodnight at 9pm & then wake up at 5am – she’s still awake! It’s amazing watching them grow up, their personalities develop…..I was laughing so much the other night, that she walked over to see what was going on (I was watching old episodes of Monty Python)….she didn’t didn’t get it, but she did sit and watch for a few min, then said, “ok dad, I’m going back to my room, goodnight”….I work 70 hours a week, but still get to spend 4 evenings with my daughter a week….speaking of work, gotta go….have a great day13 March 2021 at 8:20 pm #51208
Your so right. Being a single parent can be both hard and isolating. It helps to have family support around you (i dont). Sometimes i feel down and then sometimes im on a high due to me managing to cope with a 14, 8 and 5 year old on my own. As a bloke it doesnt come naturally either but hey we do what we have to do. There are times when ive laughed,times when ive cried , times when ive just thanked the Lord that i have the strength to keep going and keep working and remember why i do this. Its adult conversation thats missed the most though. Just the chance for a laugh and joke and stuff. My mate comes around about every 2 weeks and ive found that when we start chatting about football,music etc i just cant shut up ! It makes such a change to Cbeebies, Fortnite,Roblox, making dinners,snacks,washing school stuff, checking PE kit etc. I wouldnt have it any other way though.
Take care5 May 2021 at 11:35 am #53753
I so hear you ..my daughter is nearly 8 and she never met her dad either.Only twice when she was 2 months old. I had a very difficult pregnancy due to the father manipulative behaviour which ended in harrasment and luckily with all his texts,I kept for over one year, he got a restraining order and I started to feel safe again.
Single parenting is super hard, I have no family around but with time I have created a good netwoork of mums and friends.
To be honest I don’t feel lonely in terms of missing a partner, got too scarred by the last one and completely lost interest in any man, but during the lockdown I felt trappred in a cooking, washing, home schooling, cleaning mode and started to feel really down. I missed contact with my friends, adult conversation and our outings with the kids.
My daughter is my joy and I would do everything again, I love her to bits and I feel so fortunate I became a mum as I was already 39 and really thought that chance for me was over.
Since she was little I have been studying everything releated to kids.Many courses where run by the children centre, and at the moment I am studying to became a childminder. I had to reinvent myself in order to be happy in my work and been able to look after my angel.
Lately I have been having problem with her regarding her not having a dad. She is very sad and last week end told me she wished she knew how he looks like.So I found a picture and print it for her and she keeps walking around the house while holding the frame. It breaks my heart to see her so sad and I feel so powerless over her feelings.
Talking about her dad had always been my biggest fear as he was really a nasty piece of work, and it took me long time to manage to talk about him without crying my eyes out. Could not really let mt daughter see me like that so had to wait and finally before the first lockdown I managed to tell her about him.
I said we really loved each other and we made you.I explained about her heritage been half Caribbean and half Italian, the country where he is from.
Then I told her I did not know where her father is and that we had to move to a new home as was not safe for us to stay together.
I don t think I will ever be able to tell her all the bad things he did to me, and to be honest I felt guilty enough to not have been able to give my daughter the father she deserves so I do not really want to slander him.But at the same time I know my daughter she is really mature for her age, has big emphaty and very sensitive so had to keep it real as I don t want her to loose trust in me.
The chat about her dad had been hunting me since I was pregnant and no matter how many time people says it will be ok, you will know what to say..is not true 🙁
How is your daughter copying with her situation? Any tips? Is so difficult to find single parent like us with no contact with their dad.
Hope to keep in touch