Heroine User living with my child – heads a mess.

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  • #10885 Report


    My son is 7 and lives predominantly with his mother and her partner who I have recently discovered is a long term addict.

    My ex wife who I have a amicable relationship with recently disclosed to me that her partner has been using heroine for the past two years in the downstairs toilet of their home and the out door garage.

    The telephone conversation lead onto stating that he was controlling, spending all there money and were arguing all the time because of this.

    She had left him and called the police as he was refusing to leave the house.

    I told her she had done the right thing by removing her and my child from that environment.

    Within a couple of days whilst waiting for the police to try and remove him from the house she had moved back in with him.  I found this very odd.

    Social services are involved and he is on some form of a drugs programme and a safety net in place; he must move out the home to his mothers if he relapses.

    I don’t want my child living with this person.

    My child has told me that my ex wife’s partner has broken/smashed things in front of him such as his little wooden chair and plates in the kitchen. Kicked doors in and punched holes in walls.

    My child describes the home as “everyone is always angry all the time”.

    I believe my ex wife is protecting her partner and not fully disclosing what is/has been going on behind closed doors.

    When social Services updated me about what was going on at home with my child, it would seem that the full picture wasn’t disclosed, the story tweaked so it didn’t sound as bad.

    Id like advice on what I can do as a father, perhaps looking for custody as to remove my child from that environment.

    Kind regards

    A loving father.




    #10888 Report


    Thank you for responding.

    I have explained that I’m concerned for all there welfare to her, and I feel she has made a bad decision considering what she disclosed to me.

    Apparently he put on the water works and she had never seen him like that before and he’s promised he will get clean this time. That her walking out was the wake up call he needed.

    To put things in perspective about my situation: I work 4.5 hours away from my child. When I pick him up from his mothers we drive a further 2 hrs to our home. It’s currently not as simple for me to just pick him up as work/home are large distances apart and I live where I work during the working week.

    I have approached work and looking for options to move to another site closer to my son.

    I have had a meeting with social services to explain the missing pieces from the jig saw so to speak.

    I had an appointment with the citizens advice bureau who recommended I tried this site as an alternative for advice.

    I’m trying to put my own safety net in place where I can either react – remove my child , as currently I’m too far away. Or gaining advice on a “residency order” from family law. I need to move work to be closer.

    Do you or anyone know anything / the process of a Residency Order?

    Kind regards

    #10889 Report


    Support with any parenting problem: Family Lives 9am-9pm weekdays, 10am-3pm weekends FREE helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk

    Separation disputes: http://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk

    Hope these help…

    Family Lives is open for another 1.5 hours. Considering the situation I’d be calling right now. I’d be taking him away right now and taking time off work while social services sort the situation, but that’s just me.

    Good luck.

    #10891 Report


    Thank you for the sign post.

    Is there anyone on here going through a similar situation as me that can offer their advice?

    #10893 Report

    It takes the average woman seven attempts to leave an abusive partner.

    Even if she wants to leave, she still loves this man.  He’s most likely promising he will change and go back to being the person she fell in love with.  She could be desperate for that to happen, to get back to “normal”.  She will probably be wanting to support him to get clean and may feel guilty for leaving him in his hour of need.  He may say that he can’t get clean without her; that he needs her support and can’t do it alone.  Addicts are manipulative.

    It’s easy for us on the outside to tell her what to do but we’re not living it.  Add a child into the mix and things get hella more complicated for everyone involved.

    Can you speak to the local drug support centre and see what advice they can give?  They will be best placed.  Could be one route might be to educate yourself and try to help your ex and your child, be on their side rather than polar opposite?

    #10896 Report


    Thank you all for the much needed advice with sign posts and further food for thought so to speak.

    Im putting a plan in place and have agencies working with me.

    If im at a loss again I will return here.

    Many thanks


    #10897 Report


    Good luck

    #16921 Report


    Social services have my child on a Child In Need Plan since I was last on here.

    The Plan has been breached and looking to go to section 47 at the next meeting 19 October.

    Please please look at my next forum with asking for help with what to do next.

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