Help with next steps

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Help with next steps

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
  • #26905 Report


    Hi there, am new here and really would love some advice from dads who have gone through similar stuff!

    I separated from my wife a year ago, moved out in December and live very nearby in a studio flat whilst my wife lives with our two lovely kids in our nice family house. For years I guess we lived beyond our means and when I moved out having to cover the mortgage and then rent somewhere else has plunged me into debt.

    I’m now on a stepchange debt plan and have no money left each month even though I earn a good salary. I pay my wife £1500 a month but just cannot afford it. Legally my child maintenance should be £1056 per month (according to the child maintenance calculator). I want to reduce the amount to £1300 – I love my kids dearly and realise that where possible I should pay a little more than the minimum. The £1500 is killing me – i’m left with no money to do stuff with the kids, etc. and my wife is threatening me saying in fact i should be paying £1800 a month. She has said she will contact my work if i dont pay or tell the kids i’m deserting them. She also said she will get an enforcement notice to make me pay more etc.

    Up until now i’ve not done anything as I’m scared of my wife (we are still trying to get divorced but she’s blocking it due to money). But now i’ve had enough. She had a serious operation last year which is why i continued to pay the £1500 but now i want to try and move on with my life.

    I cannot afford legal advice as it’s £200 per hour! I am really in a tough place and don’t know what to do. She has said that if i don’t continue to pay the money she will sell the house and take the kids out of London!

    Any advice would be welcome. I am torn between upsetting my kids but looking after myself.

    #27184 Report


    Hi sorry to hear this,

    Firstly I would find out from child maintenance what you should be paying or from someone in this field.Also if they stay more than 52 nights per year per child you should pay less. If you are correct about the amount you should pay i can only suggest you get child maintenance involved.

    If she does contact your work what is she going to do. She isn’t with you anymore so you aren’t to blame if she phones and says God noes what.

    She may tell your children this, however, with the reduction in child maintenance you could save this up and use this for legal advice. If she has told the children this she will get caught if it goes to court which won’t be good for her?

    Are you paying the mortgage for the house they live in? If so she can’t sell without your say so especially if it’s in your name too?

    Hope this helps

    #27186 Report


    Hi M

    If you call the cms they will tell you over the phone the correct amount of c/m you have to pay. That’s what I done. It’s ok using the calculator but it’s best to talk to someone.

    As for the mother saying she will call work I wouldn’t worry about that at all. It’s nothing to do with them.


Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register