Help with contact for newborn

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  • #56215 Report



    I’m new to the forum. Have a 5 yr old with ex and pregnant with our second. Over lockdown things got really bad between us and he’s been constantly angry and criticising me. We’ve almost split up a few times before but this time his family got involved and were so horrible to me and he sided with them. I moved out a few weeks ago to stay with a friend and getting my own place next week. His family are constantly badmouthing me in front of our daughter and I don’t want her to be around that but my ex is insisting he takes her round to see them every time he has her. I’ve tried telling him how damaging that is and that I want us to put her first and not stress her out having to listen to it all. Every time we discuss it we have a huge argument, sometimes in front of her and I don’t want her to be around that either. I’m trying to get support from social work and a lawyer but even though they think it’s bad for her they don’t think it’s urgent so won’t do anything.

    Then when baby is born ex keeps saying he wants to come round every day to see baby and bond. I don’t want him in my flat every day. He shouts at me every time we have a phone call or handover and constantly criticises everything I do, that we’re a few minutes late or I haven’t packed the right things or if I try to talk about what I’m concerned about with my daughter feeling upset and confused about everything she’s hearing. I don’t want him taking baby away at first either so don’t really know what to do. I know he needs to have a relationship with both kids but feels like he doesn’t care about what they need and I can’t trust him to make sure his family aren’t upsetting them too.

    How do other people manage contact with a newborn? Any other advice for my situation? I’m so stressed about it all and worried about the impact on my kids of everything we’re going through.

    #56254 Report



    you could propose he come round to see the baby once or twice a week for an hour? other option is use a contact centre, but is costly.

    #58871 Report


    Hello Raspberrycat,

    I’m going trough the same thing now.

    How did you manage contact?

    My new born baby is due next week and I don’t want her dad in my house at all. We got a 3yrs old daughter together and he is going to keep her while I’m in the hospital.

    I’m thinking he could see the baby at the hospital and then in a week time so I can adjust myself.

    Even if I propose that he can still try to knock at my door or make a scene and I don’t want that in my house, around my daughters.

    What are your advice, you that is reading this.

    I’m pretty anxious!


    Thank you for for reading. X


    #58950 Report

    Hi Prisonbreaker

    Thanks for contributing to this thread.  I would recommend that you contact the National Domestic Violence helpline  They should be able to help you to explore your situation and look at what measures you could put in place to manage this.  Here are their details:

    • National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to current or historic abuse  Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247

    Hope that helps, Justine

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