Help with communication

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  • #61040 Report


    Me and my husband split back in February and have really struggled to co parent our 2 year old since. Our house and divorce is going through the courts completely separate but I’m not sure I could afford to take him to court over our son. I am our sons main care giver and I have him most of the time, since February he has picked and choosen when he has our son and I have let him do that, perhaps I shouldn’t have done from the start. He is extremely busy and unfortunately our son comes last, he works full time, fishes a lot and is in a rock band playing gigs around the country. I wanted structure for my son so suggested every other weekend for contact. He agreed, I have since found our from social media that some of his weekends clash wish gigs all across the country. He hasn’t told me any of this, he doesn’t tell me anything. He plans on leaving my son with other people without speaking to me, he only sees him every two weeks and he’s not even doing that! I approached him about the gigs and about Alfie and he said he’s in charge because it’s his weekend it’s got nothing to do with me, I’m not comfortable with this, what if something happens to my son, he’s uncontactable and would they tell me? Where so I stand with knowing what he’s doing with our son? Do I have rights? My anxiety is through the roof I can’t live like this. I just want what’s best for our son and he isn’t putting him first, I found out he’s been having weeks off to go fishing but making no effort to see our son, he was even off the week our son started nursery and he didn’t say a thing, he could have come with us! I’m deflated because he comes last everytime.

    #61067 Report


    Hi there, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. You sound so dedicated to your son, what a lucky boy to have that. It’s sad that his dad is not showing him the same, though.

    It feels unfair when you made your boy together but it seems like one parent is picking and choosing their responsibilities.  I’ve felt that pain, too, and the injustice hurts.

    Can you write down the times that he will have him, both of you together, or have something like a shared Google calendar? You’ve clearly given lots of thought to why it’s important for your son to regularly see his dad, to have some structure and predictability: can you explain this really clearly to your ex, along with your concerns around your son is left with people unplanned who he might not be familiar with? Sorry if that’s something you’ve already done and it’s still going on. I guess if you continue to feel worried about who he’s being left with then you may choose something like your son just going to his dad for day/afternoon, so it’s not a whole weekend. Or that his dad just sees him with you, if you’re really worried about his safety.

    I wondered what other support you have. Other people who can help you out or give you a bit of a break, especially if your ex does let you (and your son) down with childcare/make you concerned about safety. It’s really hard – my childrens’ dad doesn’t have them for overnight stays, nor does anyone. I try to plan nice things for the kids and I to do at the weekends – and try to remember my own self-care. Not easy, I know.  X

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