Help! Set days? More contact? Not enough contact?

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  • #22002 Report

    sweetpea94
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    It’s taken me a while to actually reach out to anyone and probably admit that I’m struggling slightly! (Who isn’t?) I’m a single parent of my 6 year old daughter, I’m 25 so I was fairly young when I had her. She’s still in regular-ish contact with her Dad. She absolutely adores him and it’s so difficult for me. I have a new partner and we all moved in together last year which is lovely as we finally have a family home together, and he is brilliant with her. It’s just I’m finding it difficult, I work 6 days a week and am studying for my degree, her Dad sees her probably once every 3 weeks? He pays maintenance which is great and I’m grateful but it’s not what she needs/wants. She asks me when she’s going to see him next and why she stayed at his once and not again, also his girlfriend has a son and I’m sensing recently that she is slightly jealous of this and craves for her Dad’s attention. It’s also, when it suits him, he lies about when he’s working and I find out he’s actually not he is just too busy to see her, she was recently in hospital and he made no effort whatsoever to ask how she was or see her. He can be a fantastic dad, I need some more support from somewhere. My partner is brilliant and helps where he can but she does have two parents it’s just that he doesn’t actually parent in any shape or form, he occasionally takes her for days out which just drives me mad.

    Sorry for the humungous essay but it has got to a stage where I think how is it fair? I have a career too, I have other things to focus on also yet with him it’s always, I have work or something else more important yet she is always above everything else for me, not that I would have it anyway, but when she’s sick I have to take time off, Ive asked him many times and he hasn’t done it once. I’m finding it difficult, any advice on how to go about consistent and set days or him having more contact with her? Any advice would be so appreciated.

    Thanks

     

    #22007 Report

    Giveitago
    Participant

    Hello Sweetpea 94, It sounds in what you have written that you have a pretty ok relationship with dad and your daughter is still in focus, which is great. Have you thought of trying to arrange any regular care swapped between mum and dad? Do you already do alternate weekend time or regular nights or school run/pick up etc. Maybe it is time to try to initiate some form of regular plan regarding your daughter before time erodes the relationship or responsibility starts to drift and things just become the norm. How would you want?like it to be regarding your daughter?

    #22009 Report

    sweetpea94
    Participant

    Yeah, I’ve tried really hard to keep the relationship there for a long time but it is getting to the stage where it is few and far between visits. I have asked him to put set days in place, mainly for her so she knows when she’s going but he said he can’t due to shifts at work, I find it very hard to believe he can’t say I can’t work this day to be able to see his daughter. I’d be happy even if it was every other weekend. I have found a parenting plan so I am going to try that as a first step. Thank you so much for your reply.

    #22012 Report

    sweetpea94
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply, I think you are probably right! I hadn’t looked at it that way and always thought I was putting her best interests first however, I do think it’s unfair. Like I’ve said before, I love being a parent but I do find it difficult that when we separated everything was put instantly on me. Also yes I think you are right about studying etc, maybe it’s my priorities that aren’t straight! It’s so difficult, you always feel as a parent you are doing the right thing, that’s why I wanted to join this as it’s nice sometimes to get an outsides perspective! The shared calendar is a brilliant idea, I shall give that a try. I just would like something a little more concrete, she gets really disappointed when she says can I see daddy today and I say I will give him a call and he doesn’t answer or reply over the next few days and she is asking me daily when she’s going to see him, it’s difficult to give her an answer. He sometimes just falls off the radar for a while! It’s hard for me to understand let alone 6 year old.

    Again, thank you for your reply I think I needed to vent more than anything!

    #22029 Report

    sweetpea94
    Participant

    Totally agree, sometimes just doing your best is all you can do! We have had a discussion tonight which has been positive, glad we’re taking positive steps in the right direction and sorting it between ourselves. Thank you for taking the time to reply! All the best x

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