help please

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  • #49308 Report

    user112233
    Participant

    my daughter is 4 and lives with me. she hasn’t seen her biological father since she was a few months old due to alcohol abuse and physical abuse to other females, members of the public, prisons stints and threats of violence and harassment towards myself. the court at first was on my side, said he was a danger to her and he had to prove change. he’s passed a quick AA course and done some anger management counselling and now all of a sudden he’s deemed not a danger and i am being told i have to accept this and proceed with allowing contact. there was a delay with the court cases due to the pandemic but now everything is starting up again this month and they have appointed my daughter her own solicitor now as they believe she needs her own voice. all because i don’t think she is ready to meet a stranger who she has no idea exists. i’ve had meetings with contact centres who on the first meeting was already bringing up the word ‘daddy’ to herbasically what i am asking is what are going to be the repercussions to me if i go with my gut and i refuse contact .

     

    fines, unpaid work, prison, taking her out of my care? are they all things that actually take place and if so in what order/process happens to get to this stage.

    i am not being obstructive i am simply just trying to make sure my child is safe and not confused and is able to do things in her own time. thank you

    #49320 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    so what contact have court suggested the father have at the moment?

    #49321 Report

    user112233
    Participant

    they started contact through a contact centre then coronavirus started and lockdown happened and it never happened.

    #49354 Report

    Shell
    Participant

    Hi

    Firstly no one’s going to take your girl away from you so get that out your head.

    And I can understand your stress because he definitely doesn’t sound like father of the year but if he’s on the birth cert he has legal rights. Which I understand might not be what you want to hear.

    He is still a long long way away from being able to have your daughter by himself especially if his violent history is backed up by arrest records etc. So these visits will probably be in front of a professional for a year maybe more maybe forever. Depends on how much he’s changed.

    Anyway my ex did a lot of not very nice things to me but he’s brilliant with his 2 children if he’s not drunk. We no longer need the professional supervision and I do it myself now when he comes to pick the children up. If he’s too drunk I obviously don’t let him take them and this will apply to you too if it ever gets that far.

    These supervised visits are awful though, completely unnatural and he will have to turn up sober as well as be civil towards everyone present so he might not last through these visits or lose interest if it gets too hard.

    Whatever happens if you or your daughter ever feel threatened by him in any way during these visits you are within your rights to refuse but you have to record and report his behaviour.

    Hope you feel better 💕

    #49373 Report

    user112233
    Participant

    thank you so much for your reply

    that’s very kind of you.

     

    had court hearing today and they will be doing further police checks as i did a claire law request and they confirmed to me there had been further criminal offences since he’s been pretending he’s a changed man. they will be back within 8 weeks and supervised contact with start within around 4. i am very nervous about this. it’s such a big change. as of yet she doesn’t know he exists. it’s hard to separate how much i hate him with what i’m being forced to do.

     

    i hope that the supervised contact is for a long long long time cause it’s going to be basically forever until i feel comfortable ever leaving her with him.

     

    thank you again for your reply

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