Help on court contact agreement that is not going well

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  • #7360 Report

    Na
    Participant

    Hi

    I just wandered if anyone else has been through this and if so what they did in my situation.

    I was pretty must forced to make a court agreement with my ex in August last year and it is really not going well !

    just because he is self employed but has his own successful business he said he would be able to look after kuds for half the holidays and every other sat to Sunday plus every other Thursday after school .

    My ex has breached the order by constantly working and getting a girlfriend to look after them ,which they are not happy with a d also they are not happy to stay for more than 1 night as he never had a proper relationship with them as he wasn’t interested!

    I am so stressed as I can’t bear my children who are 10 and 7 to be unhappy and last time they were supposed to go for 4 nights they ended up  having to come home after 2 ,only because I gave them a phone as my ex woul t let them phone me .

    This court agreement is set to escalate to more time soon and my ex has ignored letters and emails ive sent explaining how the children. Feel and they have even written me a letter saying how they feel .

    Anyone else had this problem and if so what to do ?as going back to court will probably be a waste of time and I do not have any money to fund it !!!

    thankyou

    naomi

    #7471 Report

    anon
    Participant

    Hi

    Have you tried mediation at all if you are on benefits or low income can get it funded usually and if you want to go back to court they usually ask for you to have tried mediation

    Is there any social services involvement if so talk to them about your concerns or if you have a health visitor or support worker etc

    Hope this helps

     

    #7524 Report

    Jay
    Participant

    Hi,I’m not sure if it’s changed but I was told once children got to 9 they could have their say,so if your children don’t want to stay with their dad for whatever reason your eldest could be heard in court,my girls dad stated he only wanted a few hours once a week we had it put in the consent order,he broke it by missing weeks,I always offered an alternative day,I really tried,eventually they got fed up and didn’t want to go and 2 years ago he washed his hands of them,he’s missed out on so much but my girls know I tried,my sons dad has dragged me through court for various reasons during our divorce but our son is now 5 he was 3 when he left, he doesn’t want to see his dad,he hasn’t for over a year,no idea where I stand if he tries again for access .x

    #7525 Report

    anon
    Participant

    The current age is 8 and a Cafcass court guardian can talk to the children to see what they want thats what we are going through atm witb my daughter as she is on a special guardianship order and the special guardians have stopped contact with us so we are taking them to court

     

    #7550 Report

    There’s no age limit on children being interviewed by CAFCASS; our daughter was 5 at the time and her wishes were given great importance.

    I’d be minded to take it back to court to ask for a variation and have his time reduced.  As Anonymous alluded to, you must be seen to be supportive of the childrens’ relationship with their dad and it must be clear that it is the wishes of the children to have less time away than it is your wish.

    Will court ask for mediation for a variation?  I’m not sure the answer to this one so hopefully someone else is better placed to answer.  Mediation could be the answer to the issues.

    If you don’t make your children available for the times stipulated in the order he could just drag you back to court anyway.

    #7552 Report

    Na
    Participant

    Thankyou for all your advice ,it’s been the biggest most stressful time of my life this last year !!!

    cafcass is absolute waste of time it was awful how right from the beginning it was obvious that the father had everything on his side !!

    cafcass were appalling as they didn’t get my police reports against my ex on 3 court appearances !!and never bothered to show up in final hearing so couldn’t use them !

    they asked my children a few questions on a piece of paper nothing at all relative to how they felt ,as they were just looking at child abuse (not that I’m saying that’s not awful as obviously it is )Also they saw the children with my ex in his home (the family home)but the cafcass officer couldn’t even be bothered to see me and my children together in my parents 2bed house where we’ve been for 16mths !!

    There was no follow up to after the court case and my soliciter tried to ring and email for a whole week to get court adjourned as cafcass didn’t have police reports and cafcass couldn’t be there !I know they are short staffed but this has slowly making my children’s life not nice at all !

    In the court agreement my ex states he will not be working and just because he’s self employed he lied and told them he had lots of staff so he could look after them ,when he clearly can’t !

    my only choice is mediation again (total waste of time and money )as you have to do that before court !

    I think my kids would speak up now but the next few months the order is set to go to half of holidays !ive never stopped them going but they had to come home over Xmas hols as they didn’t want to be there !!!

    The law in this country uttterly sucks and I feel I want to stand up for women’s rights as it is so one sided how it is .

    In my opinion the law needs to change not to be so concrete but to treat each case differently .

    As for my kids as they father choose not to be involved with then or parenting for 8years that should count for something .

    Obiously he’s there father and they need to see him but no way should it be anything that much !

    #7555 Report

    Na
    Participant

    Thankyou ,The abuse was mainly at me  si probably won’t count as was mainly during the year we had to live with him when we were separated ,but the children saw or heard things it was mainly emotional psychological abuse which is sooo hard to prove and he is also pressuring and manipulating my kids ,which is horrid for them ,they no he lies as they’ve had proof of it !!

    Think your right I might as well represent myself if in court .

    UnfortunTly he is an expert in manipulation and is a bully who bears grudges !!

    He also takes my words and twists them by lying and then get his solicitor to send rediculous letters!

    Thankyou for you support it always helps to talk about things !

    going to see how half term goes kuds went on Friday at 5.30pm and they said they only wanted 1 night !they text me this morn saying they missed me and there meant to b there till Tuesday 6.15pm !my ex said last time they are not going to come home early again !

    so I will wait and see !

    thankyou

    #7619 Report

    Pinkprincess18
    Participant

    If the court order is for him to have care of his children, then that’s what it means, it doesn’t mean his girlfriend should have the child. It doesn’t work like that. There reason for the order is for the access of that person.

    ive been through this as my ex left our LG with his mum, it’s his time hence the order x

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