Help needed – Sperm donor wants to be involved

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  • #48032 Report


    My ex terminated our relationship when we discovered I was 5 weeks pregnant because i wouldnt terminate the pregnancy (to be fair, my chances of having a baby were next to impossible with severe endometriosis and on the pill – to help with the endometriosis) I fell pregnant at 32yrs old, i couldnt think of any reason other than it would suit my ex. I tried to change his mind up to 4 months into the pregnancy and after the last email he sent which said he wanted nothing to do with us and we were both dead to him. I set my life up, knowing i was a single mum.

    I have since moved closer to my family down in Kent (he is up in North Wales) I have a very supportive job that i have worked at for the last year and my son is just over 6 months. The father is not named on the birth certificate as per his request and he has never paid a penny. This morning I have received an email stating that he is coming down on Wednesday to meet his son and i need to provide the address and that i should make this easy!! what are my rights? Can he just come? Will i be in trouble for not responding? Can he just choose to be a parent now? How long would that last for?


    Any help or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.


    This man destroyed me, he is a narcissist and I dont trust him. (I also believe his eldest two have both got Covid, so why does he want to drive down now….surely he should be isolating?)

    #48034 Report


    you don’t need to reply with any speed. The ball will be in his court as to what his next move is. Personally I wouldn’t respond immediately though I’d take time to consider my options about future contact and what might be in the best interest of our child. This guy is more than a sperm donor. He’s the child’s father.
    I personally wouldn’t be giving him my home address though for the future I’d look at suggesting mediation prior to any contact between dad and child to hear him out. You can only guess about what’s motivating him to seek contact now as you’ve had no contact.
    prior to having any access rights as such, he’d need to approach the court to request being added to the birth certificate so there’s no rush for you to make hasty decisions

    #48047 Report


    Ignore email and dont provide your address. If he wants to see his son he can attempt mediation and go through the correct procedures if he is being serious etc ie family court etc. You certainly wont get into any trouble for not replying to an email whatsoever.

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