Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Help me, my husband came home last night and said he no longer loves me

This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Lost sad and lonely 6 days, 10 hours ago.

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  • #18342 Report

    Lost sad and lonely
    Participant

    Last night my husband came home from work and said he no longer loves me, im in complete shock, we have an 18mnth old daughter, ive just started a new job(as in 2weeks ago) he wants to be taken off the mortgage but i know i cant afford it on my own, i work 25hrs a week to be able to be there for my daughter and to reduce childcare costs. I just dont know what to do, how can he just ruin our family and our lives and walk away and im left trying to figure this out? Where do i start? Any advice would be much appreciated, i feel like im having a nightmare that i cant wake up from x

    #18343 Report

    GailS.
    Participant

    Hi there,

     

    I am terribly sorry you’re going through this. Any idea why he decided that? Is he going through middle life crisis? Possibly a professional help – someone to talk to – could help?

    You can’t make him stay on the mortgage, but you can get a solicitor advice regarding it. He will have to be responsible financially for your daughter (you can find the details by using child maintenance calculator) and a good solicitor will be able to tell you what are your options regarding everything else.

     

    Sorry again you’re going through this.

    Gx

    #18344 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    Well people have mid life crisis or are having affairs. So you will need to sell your property as he can’t just come off mortgage as he needs to find somewhere to.live too. Maybe see if a family can talk to him. I work part time and it was very hard to get a mortgage when my ex decided he didn’t want to be on mortgage. It was by fluke I got mortgage because my employer had over paid me for 4 MONTHS even though I returned to work 3 days a week after having my daughter .  I showed the pay slip as evidence to get loan.

    Solicitors are expensive and will look at getting paid from property sold. They don’t care where you end up.living as they want their money. Their fees are high and when they instruct barrister its 6k or more per day to sit in court. Im sorry because you feel vulnerable with small child. When my ex said he don’t love it was because he was having affair

    #18345 Report

    WD
    Participant

    Lost and Lonely

     

    I am so terribly sorry to hear what you are going through. It is really tough emotionally and practically but the first thing you have to keep reminding yourself is that others have been there and emerged from it and so you will too, even if it’s hard to see it a few hours in…

     

    You’ve done well to reach out to people here where you will find support at all levels, I’m sure.

    Being so fresh I assume you have not had a chance to talk through properly. Worth finding strength to do that. I doubt you can or want to change his mind but I found, under different circumstances, that knowing more about how my partner thought about me and our relationship helps me gradually emotionally disconnect.

     

    More importantly you should try to understand what his intentions are in terms of supporting you

    I’ve been through mediation which for us was effective, but I know views are mixed. If you can at all, don’t break Communication and if he is at least reasonable that might be a good route to figure out a way out.

    If he wl support you and with tax credits, as scary as it sounds, you will find a path. He cannot leave you homeless.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #18355 Report

    Lost sad and lonely
    Participant

    Thank you for your replies. Im giving him the space he needs at the min and waiting for him to initiate contact 1st. Today has been probably the most awful day of my life and i cant see what will come next but im taking it one hr at a time.

    #18366 Report

    Peeriepop
    Participant

    Hi

    you aren’t alone.

    It will be awful for awhile, but there is light on the other side. I was and still am in a similar situation and it sucks, but you come to realise you will be better off without someone who doesn’t want to be there. Like previous poster said it helps talking to said partner.

    Hope all is ok

     

    C x

    #18461 Report

    Lilfran
    Participant

    I’m SO sorry you are going through this. But  i promise you, you are not alone. My partner walked out on me 3 days ago and left me with my 14 month old daughter.

    It’s just about breathing, eating and tmgetting through each day, recognising any piece of positivity from that day, no matter how small, and cherishing it. Even if it’s 5 minutes not crying or feeling sick, that’s a positive!

    Distract yourself as much as possible and if a million questions are spinning around your head write them down, put them away somewhere and remind yourself you need to be patient, answers will come eventually.

    #18477 Report

    Lost sad and lonely
    Participant

    Lilfran you seem so positive in your reply for it being 3 days, i am trying to breathe when panic sets in, look for a positive where i can and being proud when i havent checked evidence for his last activity anywhere but its like im struggling to keep my head above water. Im normally a private person but as my rock has been removed im so lost and finding replacements outside my comfort zone in family/friends which helps but makes me uncomfortable also – i cant win.

    Hes making a huge effort to see our daughter and it means ive been able to see him and ask questions and we are very calm, its all very surreal and im concerned i feel better for seeing him which might not help me heal/move on…..should i just accept this makes me feel better until im in a better place to cope? Or should i be doing something else? Is it too soon to be trying to even work out what i and be doing and its ok to go with what’s easy?

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