Help – losing interest in my kids.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  DesperateDad 7 months ago.

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  • #22457 Report

    Thisisit
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m going through a separation and struggling a bit although I don’t talk a lot about it.

    Im looking for my own place near the kids and my workplace.

    Recently I’ve  found myself getting irritable and not wanting to spend time with them even though I love them dearly.  I’m spending a lot of time on my own and beginning to wonder if I do love them. I feel very conflicted and ashamed.

    I don’t want to feel like this and want my kids to feel safe and happy and I want to look after them and give them my love.

    Perhaps this is all circumstantial but I’m wondering if any other men out there have felt/feel similar.

     

    #23153 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Hi

    I am Sue and I would like to try and help you if I can. I think that now you have more time for yourself, of course you are going to enjoy it. I’m sorry you are not enjoying time with your kids. I want to ask you something was your children planned?

     

    #23158 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    Hi, what you’re describing is very common.  Sometimes it’s not necessarily circumstancial even.  My ex went through the same feelings of shame and conflict which pre-dated our separation.  I tried to help her even before we split but in the end it was her choosing to seek professional help that made the difference to her and now although the marriage is now dissolved, her relationship with my son is healthy and they have bonded really well which is the important thing.

    What you are describing is different though,  but just wanted to highlight that even when there is a deeper rooted issue there is light at the end of the tunnel.

    You say you love your kids dearly, so there is no question there, and you coming here shows you want to make things right and you do care for them.   It’s easy to feel isolated and to lose interest in everything and anyone during a separation.  In my case my son was the only thing keeping me going, he was my focal point…but we had bonded instantly since his birth whereas his mother hadn’t and she found this extremely difficult.  I was very lucky in that respect, as I can honestly say it was him that got me through everything.

    The very fact you have chosen to highlight and accept there is an issue is the first step to any change though and it’s a difficult and brave one to take.

    You’ve definitely cone to the right place here.  The forum is very welcoming and you will find a lot of support here.

    In any separation it is normal to sometimes feel you want to isolate yourself and for the whole world to go away…  what you’re feeling might simply be a feeling that you aren’t doing as much as you want to for them, or that it’s a struggle to rebuild the life you want etc.  I certainly felt as though I was letting him down etc, or that I wasn’t being as good a father as I could etc… But it was other people as well as him that told me otherwise and it’s important to get that feedback when you doubt yourself.  It certainly helps in terms of feeling you are doing something right as when you achieve milestones it makes you want to reach for the next.

    As Sue said above happy to talk if you need to.  Keep going you’ll get through this.

    #23890 Report

    DesperateDad
    Participant

    Has the seperation been traumatic, if it has its normal to feel like this, I believe.

    i would suggest strongly to seek some councelling sessions, something you workplace might be able to help with

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