Help emotional abuse

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  • #34161 Report


    My now ex partner moved out on Sunday just gone- yep 1 week before Xmas. He has a bad temper, is impatient, moody and gets angry very quickly. He engages with adults and our daughter -5 by taking the Micky and winding up. I believe he has been emotionally abusing me for several years now, I withdrew I suppose affection wise and he says I never accepted him. He has been impatient & short tempered auyynd mean with daughter: examples saying serves you right when she was jumping on the bed & fell off. Pushing her out of the way when they were practising the floss dance together cos he wanted a turn and she wanted to show him her dancing. Recently not carrying her hat and gloves with him as she refused to wear them.  Winding her up verbally then she pushes him physically cos she doesn’t have the vocabulary to argue back. She is learning to be argumentative and generally aggy from this man, never mind the confusion of him now not being here, he also put his face right in my face and punched me in he rib when I was holding her a few months back. He is insisting that he has her 1 night / wk, staying at his dads and his sister and her kids will also be around. I’m sick to my stomach at having to hand my daughter over to this monster- do I have a leg to stand on with refusing the 1 night. He will also only pay the bare min child maintenance, has left me with an unfinished house( was a renovation project as he is a builder) a £1400 mortgage. I work but he is refusing to pay a penny more towards e.g after school club. I’m devastated, sick with worry and just really sad that HE left me after treating me like shit & my future has just even dashed away. He ticks a lot of the  narcissist boxes.

    #34164 Report


    Sounds like you are going through a tough time. Can I advise that you speak to your local domestic abuse charity? Domestic abuse is not just physical and emotional abuse also is equally harming. I have just contacted my local charity and they are sending me a floating support worker.
    Do you also have access to a family support worker as I have through school but if not you can access them through the local council or healthcare trust?
    You also need to apply for benefits or ring the benefits line to see what help you can get?

    #34172 Report

    Hi Emmsy

    I am one of the moderators here at Gingerbread.  Thank you for making this post.  I’ll be sending you a personal message with some signposting for you.

    Kind regards, Justine

    #34221 Report


    Hi Emmsy

    so sorry you are having to deal with this. I too had an abusive husband and didn’t realise it until he left and then he went totally besets with his actions.

    its so hard to deal with.

    do you have friends and family close by?


    #34253 Report


    Hi, joining the thread as I am in a similar situation although I asked him to leave a couple weeks ago couldn’t take anymore drinking and emotional stuff. I’m devastated as baby’s first Christmas but couldn’t pretend we were a happy family on the day. I am faced with a similar mortgage if I will be granted one in my name only, but desperate to keep the house if I can, if he will be willing to allow that (he is also narcissistic and won’t like the feeling of ‘losing’ something to me). He has asked me to plan times away from the house so he can also use it as it’s his right. He doesn’t seem bothered about not seeing baby. Feeling very confused, low, anxious, but weirdly free and more in control than I’ve been in a long time.

    I hope you and your children have a good Christmas together 🙂

    #34345 Report


    Hi Emily3 how did you get your family support worker?

    he continues to be toxic, blaming, insulting my family during phone calls and handover. Also little one has told me that she slept in her grandads bed with him. I don’t think anything untoward for a second but a 5 yr old sleeping in bed with grandad is not normal, without a court order I don’t have a leg to stand on. Even then how can a court enforce where a child sleeps? And is spoken to before damage is done?

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