Help and advice needed!

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  • #31933 Report


    Hi there,

    looking for help. Around 8 months ago my ex partner of almost 9 years decided he no longer wanted to be with me anymore. We have two young children together, aged 6 and 4. In all honesty we should have separated a few years ago but I was desperate to keep the family unit together.

    there was domestic violence and he was arrested for this and controlling and co-ercieve behaviour. We have been to court already four times for a non molestation order and occupation order (which is still in progression) and then also a C100 which has led to a section 7 report which is currently being done for a return to court in Jan.

    each day I dread the emails and police phone calls from my ex as he is literally trying to break me. There is something different every single day and even though he agreed in court to behave I feel as though he isn’t, although speaking to the police they have said it is a very grey area as to whether he has breached his current court orders.

    due to the controlling and narcissistic nature of my ex I have withdrawn myself from a lot of my friends and don’t really have anyone to talk to. My siblings and parents live far away and we are not that close so I don’t feel able to discuss things with them.
    I met an amazing man around six months ago and we kept things quiet for a while as my ex is constantly harassing me. He only moved out of the family home when he was arrested and agreed to the court that he wouldn’t come near the home at the moment, although he continues to stalk the house, knows when I am in, when I have people over etc. About two months ago I introduced my partner to my children as just a friend as the timing felt right. My ex obviously found out about this and was insanely jealous. To the point where he then maliciously tried to get him checked under Sarah’s Law. This has made me partner completely back off as he doesn’t want things to get worse and had refused to then see my children, until at least the next court hearing in jan, which I totally understood. (My ex had also reported me to social services for a false allegation) and as my partner teaches kids he is petrified of a false allegation for obvious reasons. He’d also been through something very similar with his ex wife and it’s bringing back such bad memories for him that he has decided to totally walk away from me. I’m unsure as to wether this is for ever, or just for a while but it’s left me feeling as though I have lost my right arm. He’s been amazing, helping me with court papers, supporting me, being an amazing fun person to be around and I can’t help thinking that although my ex is the one who has ultimately driven him away that I shouldn’t have used him so much as an agony aunt/counsellor? I am receiving counselling and have been for a few months but I think it was just too easy to speak to him about things as he knows exactly how it feels as he’s been there before. I feel broken and am gutted and my children miss him too. I just don’t know what to do and was wondering if anyone was in a similar situation and if so what did they do to get through it?

    so much more has gone on but this is the bare bones, I’m feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious. I also can’t bear being on my own, it’s horrendous.

    any advice?

    #31974 Report


    Hi, I’ve never been in your situation, so I’m afraid I cant offer much advice. It does however seem as though he is breaching his court orders. If he is still harassing you, it is a matter for the police. Keep a log of every time he contacts you or trespasses on your property. If your family aren’t being supportive, reach out to those friends you lost touch with. Chances are they will be happy to hear from you. It really does help to share your problems. I really hope you and your new partner can get past this and have a happy future together.

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