Help and Advice
30 November 2020 at 12:08 pm #46417
I am going through a separation. I am a dad to two boys and made a massive mistake and my wife wants to leave me. We are still living together but moving house. She wants space and I keep hoping she will come back. I need to be strong for my boys and I am struggling with the emotions of it. She wants us to still be best friends and never divorce but can’t see herself with me intimately. I’m confused but know I have hurt her and broken the trust and it may never return. How do you cope? How have people/fathers got through this? Feel alone and no local group I am aware of.30 November 2020 at 12:42 pm #46420
Its a cliche to talk about time but that doesn’t make it any less true. You’ve done something and want to make amends, that means alot and you shouldn’t feel bad or wrong for acknowledging that. We all make mistakes. Some horrific mistakes and we hurt the one person we love the most. Sadly its about choices. You made that choice an there was a consequence. Now its her choice to decide what she does from here. No way does this mean give up! But it does mean respect the boundaries for a bit that her worlds been shaken up an shes working through it at her own pace to figure out what happens now. You have two boys the world revolves around and she doesn’t want you to divorce….thats promising shes not closing the door of you out of her life. But its a wound and thats why she can’t see anything intimate yet. Its raw and emotional. You need to take the weight of that responsibility and slowly rebuild. You can’t magically make it go away but you can do little things to show effort. And effort means alot! Continue to be a fantastic dad. Take the stress off with the move. Anythin an every little thing you can think of to make her life easier right now an less painful. It might seem like hoop jumping….so what if it is. Who cares about that if youre wanting to make things right. It will take time and the trust may never come back you have to prepare for that but you can say you tried. You worked hard. You fought for her. You can’t force the situation to heal faster but you can help it by showing the good sides of you and why she had your children to begin with. You need to remind each other why you chose each other to start with and slowly rekindle a fire. Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies. Keep trying and move forward! Best of luck30 November 2020 at 1:26 pm #46422
Thanks. I suppose all I have is hope but scared it’s lost hope. She is moving on and enjoying freedom. Can’t give her space properly until sell and move. It’s been 6 months and she has changed from thinking it can work to not. I’m confused given that she wants me in her life to parent, as best friends and finances etc. But to have relationships and date. I want to wait for her as I hope this isn’t forever. We will still have a family home she can come and go from though. Just don’t want to believe it is over forever. How long do you wait? How do you act?30 November 2020 at 5:39 pm #46431
It sounds like its 100 % over. You have crossed the line so to speak and once a woman makes a decision its final normally especially as its been a while now.
Although you have done wrong at least she wants to raise children together and be your friend which is a huge bonus as just imagine how she could of been towards you. Look at the positives u have children together you get on amicably , infact you get on well .