help/advice

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  • #6963 Report

    S1ngle
    Participant

    My ex was verbally abusive, intimidating with his aggressive behaviour and was extremely unsupportive throughout my pregnancy. He had said something along the lines of; if I could hit you and get away with it, I would. Would that be classed as a threat to hit me?He called me names, I lost all my confidence and he was out of control with his threatening behaviour, but very good at hiding it. He got even worse after my baby arrived. He was drinking more, smoking weed and I was petrified of him coming home from work. He never bothered with my baby or helped out. He never did one night feed, nor changed a nappy. After coming home from hospital, after c-section, he went to bed.

    My ex threw me and my baby out before Christmas 16. I tried so hard to txt, ring, stay in contact for the sake of my child but it proved difficult and was really affecting me because he became so nasty and I had a history of depression (4 years ago) and he was getting me down. I went to a solicitor who dealt in family law (retired now) and he told me to ignore him which I have. He now bothers my sister as I don’t want anything to do with him. This came after him leaving it 43 days to ask how my baby was. I looked into a contact centre, got the bus to find its location, but then left it as he obviously couldn’t be bothered. He was like this with his first born (previous relationship) and I’ve seen it all and do not want history repeating itself for my child.

    He keeps saying I have stopped contact when I haven’t, he has just failed at being a parent and it’s my job to safeguard my child in every aspect. The solicitor, HV, citizens advice, caf cas have said I don’t need to interact with him and let him go down the legal route. I have asked if he would go to mediation and he said no. I’m scared though. I don’t want a court dictating when he can see my child. I just wouldn’t rest. He told me he smacked his head off the wall when his first born wouldn’t shut up crying and that he threw his first born on the sofa (8 years ago) he’s NOT doing that to my baby.

    i have some recordings, texts and pictures where he admits to having an anger problem, he scares himself, never mind me, there is a hole in the wall where he’s punched it. He admits to smashing things and “booting” things out of the way in anger/frustration etc….

    What do I do? Would any of this evidence stand up in court? Please Help

    p.s we don’t live with him or near him (thank god) it will be two years this year since we saw him. Thanks

    #6970 Report

    S1ngle
    Participant

    Hi, thanks for your reply.

    As I said, I offered the contact centre to him and he initially refused…months later I looked into its location. I want the best, but safest outcome for my child. He will never have my child over night, not ever. He wouldn’t know how to look after my baby and he is certainly not to be trusted.

    He had admitted in texts that he scares himself, that I don’t deserve his ill treatment. You can hear him swear/shout, become extremely aggressive in front of me and my baby at the top of the stairs, to the point I banged into my metal table as I thought he was going to harm us.

    His ex threatened him with court and he didn’t want to go down that route either.

    Men/women like him do not deserve the right to have children.  I know courts are taking domestic abuse more seriously now, as when a judge has awarded  fathers access, in certain cases, the father goes onto kill the child (not in every case).

    I will fight to the end, whatever the outcome. All I know is that my baby is my world and I will always do what is right, but I will never take any risk (s)

    #6994 Report

    S1ngle
    Participant

    He hasn’t been in my home though, I haven’t seen him in two years by the end of this year. I’m petrified of him and his behaviour. He hasn’t come nowhere near me or my baby. I could NEVER be alone with him.

    I reported him to the police and have an incident number because of his verbal abuse.

    I wouldn’t lie or make things up. My interest is my child, my baby’s safety. If he had been a good dad, despite us breaking up and if he didn’t drink to the point he gets aggressive, smokes weed and has violent outbursts. If he had been consistent and not knocked me back every time I have tried, he would be in my child’s life. He has decided to be this way, not me. I certainly never wanted this for my baby. I didn’t 100% see his true colours until I was pregnant.

    I hate all of this and my heart is broken. My child deserves so much better than him.

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