Help!

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #64886 Report

    Emily80
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m very new to this and in a sad and scary place.

    I’m about to go through a separation with my husband and I think I may move out of the family home as I can’t afford to stay here (he earns more than me). I’m so worried about the impact this will have on our children (they are 9 and 12). Will they think that I’ve abandoned them as I’m the one leaving??

    This is so very hard. I’m struggling to cope…

    Thanks In advance

     

    #64887 Report

    MindfulMomma
    Participant

    Are you leaving your children behind do you mean?

    As a child, my mum left out family home and us behind. I understand why now that I am an adult but I did struggle for many years not because I felt abandoned but because it came out of the blue and nothing was explained.

    It is underestimated how a simple, nurturing conversation can help children to regulate their emotions. No blame. Maybe you and their dad sit down and explain that you both want to live in different places, still friends, still love the children etc.

    Just a thought. I had to explain to a 3 and 4 year old recently and they still bring up the same reasons for our separation 3 months on so just be compassionate to them BUT ALSO TO YOURSELF when explaining and be gentle on yourself! This isn’t easy for you so just take it a day at a time x

    #64890 Report

    Emily80
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply.

    Yes the children would stay in the family home with Dad. My intention is to buy a house very close and they will stay with me half the time.
    My husband and I are on good terms so I could come back here for bedtimes and stuff if they need/want me to.

    I’m so worried about the impact on them if I leave… X

    #64895 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi @Emily80, I’m glad you have posted and made contact with @Mindfulmomma. Here’s some information on our website that I think you will find useful. Separating – Gingerbread

    #64903 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    You’re not leaving their lives. Maybe don’t come back for bedtimes etc. Why not have them for whole days or whatever you decide?

    A clean break with you and them 50/50 is necessary.

    #64904 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    They need to know that you are no longer a married couple but will always be a parental couple. We will never be separate because of you. We’ve had a think about our future and our future is always going to be around you. (From ‘Woman’s Hour’ 8th October 2021)

    • This reply was modified 4 days, 9 hours ago by GingerbreadHelen. Reason: Removed formatting code
    #64905 Report

    Emily80
    Participant

    Thank you so much x

    #64906 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Sorry. Just thoughts off the top of my head. I currently dont see my kids. They won’t think youre leaving them. You could go down the road of them having 2 houses, 2 bedrooms etc. There are lots of books for kids that will help.

    #64908 Report

    Emily80
    Participant

    This is so hard… and sad

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

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