I am just starting going through a separation with my husband after 19 and half years marriage and 22 years together. I have never felt or been so alone in my life before. I have not got clue on what to do, where to start and how to break this news to my two boys, who are 11 and 10. I feel so small and worthless, cannot stop crying, I even burst into tears in Tesco’s this morning. Sorry for going on.
Les, obviously after such a time it’s going to take some adjusting, don’t be tough on yourself. You don’t give much away re whether you’re feeling any relief or a feeling of abandonment? Regardless, I always think if you make yourself a practical plan such as covering all bases on paying bills, checking out eligibility for benefits, covering school run and formalising contact for the children to see dad then it will help you feel more organised and therefore more in control of your situation. Just bear in mind that everyone needs someone to offload their stresses, find someone you trust to run your anxieties by, someone who helps you regain good perspective. Don’t be afraid to seek support from folks on the forum if you need.
A good starting point for practical advice around finances, benefits, the whole divorce/separation process is citizens advice. They were great with me at the start and helped me write up a practical plan of what I needed to do which really helped me. Regarding your children, is there a family support worker / counsellor at their school? Ours has been great. She is helping us write up a parental plan and ‘checks in’ with our daughter regularly. She’s assured me that if she thinks our daughter is struggling or needs some counselling, she’ll help us through that.
Take each day at a time, get yourself up every day and, if some days, that is all you can manage, that’s fine. As DMP said, find someone (friend or counsellor) who you can talk to, it really helps.
I’m 5 months into this and it has been a very long, intense few months but the good days are beginning to outweigh the bad.