Hello. Single mum struggling
7 August 2018 at 11:53 pm #14284
Hello8 August 2018 at 7:06 am #14286
Just checking if you’re ok? and need a chat?….
i’m personally not home until 7pm tonight…but i guess pretty much everyone else would be willing to help if needed.?
ive been going through the worst week of my life…1 week to this day(1st Aug-to today)…..its a struggle all round……but despair and lack of hope can be torturous…! since ive found gingerbread….aka an outlet for our problems and source of help and giving help….its given me a life line!
private message me if you wish….or openly on here..
Mark8 August 2018 at 4:22 pm #14298
Hello Mark, thank you for replying, I can’t tell you how helpful it is when you feel dejected and someone offers a chat like you have, but you probably know it already. It really keeps the gloom at bay. I’m so sorry to hear about your horrible week, I can say I am in the same boat. I’m glad you have found help here!
I just didn’t have the strength to write more last night! I have been so totally exhausted and defeated lately it’s hard to explain. Sorry I don’t mean to sound whiney but dang, it’s hard.
I’m a single mum to a 19 months old girl who is my pride and joy but I have absolutely no support from anyone (no family, no friends who like kids) and I guess I just feel lonely. I used to have a babysitter but she left the country. I feel like I have lost me. I can’t ever do anything relaxing and recharging like having a nice hot bath and forget everything, I am on call 24/7 and it’s starting to catch up with me. It’s not that I don’t enjoy her company it’s just that I feel overwhelmed. At the weekend her dad came to visit and it was really depressing. He got angry and insulted me while baby was asleep, he then wanted to leave the restaurant he took as to half way through the meal because another patron was served their mains even if they were seated after us,while we were still waiting (10-20 minutes more). He was just impatient because our daughter was crying at first and he “got a headache”. This meant cutting short baby’s lumch and rushing out while he was telling off the manager. So embarrassing and ott. It was the extra bit of stress which tipped the boat for my nerves I guess.
Mydaughter has started kicking me and throwing tantrums out of frustration, all it takes is a bag being too heavy for her to lift or something else that I can’t possibly do anything about and she will throw things, scream until I feel like my brain is scrambled eggs and hit me. It really makes me feel like I am a crap parent and I struggle to keep positive. I feel like I am not helping her manage her feelings.
Last night after she fell asleep I was supposed to study but I just laid on the couch staring ahead waiting hours for my smile to come back, crying on and off. It sounds so pathetic I know. It was a really low point in my experience as a mother.
Speak to you later if you are around, sorry for the rant! It is great to share, I don’t have anyone to tell all this to. Thank you
Barb8 August 2018 at 6:03 pm #14303
I can’t decide if it’s odd or not, but I can’t tell you how encouraging it is to read your brief exchange when neither message was positive.
I am just going through separation, we’re still living together and right now it looks like its going to be a while before we can resolve the who lives where and the house is starting to feel incredibly small. I’m sure you know what I mean. the last few days have been particularly loaded and difficult.
I’ve moved to the UK a few years back, so have not family around and have put all of my focus on my immediate family and work and now realising I’ve not got much by way of close friends, so it does feel incredibly lonely and scary all of a sudden when the illusion of the partnership I thought I had evaporated.
Just seeing this offer for support makes the heart warm again.8 August 2018 at 6:24 pm #14304
Keep ure head up girl im a recent single dad to my nearly 2 yr old son its hard as hell try find sometime for u in the day hell ive sat in a bath at 2 in the morning just try get a relax.8 August 2018 at 9:15 pm #14306
Hello WD and Spook1867,
Thank you for your kind words, it is hard as nails isn’t it? Spook I love the suggestion of a bath in the night, even 20 minutes would make a hell of a difference! I might just try that tonight.
WD so sorry to hear that you are going through a separation and still living with your now ex, it’s really tough when you see them everyday and agreeing on things that are so life changing ,like where to live when you don’t even really want to talk to them. IvI’ been there years ago and the atmosphere can get so cold. I’m so glad that this exchange warmed your heart, all your replies sure have warmed mine. Thank you9 August 2018 at 7:48 am #14312
In a sense I’m lucky because the relationship isn’t totally broken down, in many respects we’re still in ‘good terms’, in another it’s a curse because it means agreeing on separation terms, especially when the finances and ability to move on is challenging, can drag on for longer as there’s no ‘burning house’ so to speak.
I have to admit I was naïve when thinking about how it would feel to still live together for a while, giving us a better chance to get things sorted towards moving on – I am a lot more sensitive to things than I thought it would be. I’ve been told by good friends who have been through this themselves that I have to figure out a way to move on mentally, which I completely agree, but I find it very difficult. is that just me? how does one move on, particularly when still living together, and still on shared finances…(I am the only provider currently)11 August 2018 at 2:56 pm #14406
Know where your coming from, im a dad to five aged 7,10,12,15 and 18. There is sometimes not enough hours in the day, to try and work and look after them, the rare moments I get to myself are really precious, plus im an older dad at 55.
The great thing about this site is there is always someone who understands, and is willing to chat, its got me through some bad days.
Take care Alan12 August 2018 at 10:27 pm #14430
Thank you for your message, it’s lovely to chat with people who know how hard it is. Most mums I know have huge support networks and they seem to be doing great. Then there are my friends without kids who have no idea what I’m talking about. 5 kids! That’s amazing, it’s beautiful to have a big family, I have to say I am in awe of anyone who can coordinate a household as busy as yours. Hats off to you! I’m overwhelmed with one…
WD how to move on is a good question, I think it’s different for everyone, it definitely takes a bit of time. Sometimes it helps to get angry about it all, so that you just separate from within if it makes sense. Spending less time together is another necessary move but if you live together and have kids to talk about I can see how that would be tricky.13 August 2018 at 9:31 am #14439
Doramay – You are so spot on about how accepting any feelings of anger and sadness and how they help ‘separating from within’ – I could feel it but you’ve put it into words so well….
The last week or so felt very weird, together but not, making loads of mental adjustments on what to expect and what mostly not expect from each other any more. Feels like running 100m sprint that never ends. Exhausting in so many ways but also feels like a very important and useful transition where you’re covering so much ground.
I feel I need to find a few escape routes, opportunities to get off the roller coaster for just a moment or two and catch my breadth, find my strength again, and I appreciate, as hard as it feels to me, that I have it easier than so many here as I share the responsibility for the children with my ex. Must be so much harder when you, as you mention, are on 24/7….15 August 2018 at 7:27 pm #14592
Hi I know exactly how you feel, I’ve been there and done that, I sometimes used to just get in the car on my way to work and scream my head off (it prob got me through the traffic quicker lol). All I can say is I promise so much that it does get easier over time, my 3 are now 22, 18 and 13 so it’s not half as hard as it used to be. I’ve made plenty of mistakes but I look at my 3 now and know I did my best, by myself. Hang on in there hunny! xx16 August 2018 at 1:47 am #14613
Thank you, I can’t imagine it ever getting easier so it’s nice to be reminded that it can!
My daughter is now going through a phase where if I leave the room she’s in, even for a second, in fact if I so much as open the door even if I don’t actually step outside or if I’m out of view she just screams at the top of her lungs, sounding inconsolable and absolutely heartbroken. It’s so so frustrating… nothing I say or do calms her down at all. I used to get chores done while she had breakfast in the morning but now I can’t do much, as even getting the hoover from the hallway will trigger a screaming fit which lasts until I sit down next to her and dedicate my attention to her. Im hoping this phase is over quick because it’s driving me bonkers. It feels like having an alarm that goes off if I move! There’s nothing in the world that frazzles my nerves like her screaming, it’s like my brain stops working properly and I have to focus twice as hard to even do a simple task because I forget what I’ve put where and what I have to do next.
On the other hand she’s started calling”mama” with the sweetest little girl voice and running away if I chase her squealing with delight so it makes me forget the mighty frazzles.18 August 2018 at 10:39 pm #14767
I’ve just discovered this forum and it’s great to see such support. I’m a single mum to 4 kids (8,12,14,15), managed to escape an abusive ex after 16 years of marriage, lost friends, family and home over it, and I must have had the cruelest judge preciding over the case who could not care less about domestic abuse/violence.
Long story short, I got out with my kids and my sanity. Doing ok mostly, training to be a teacher, renting and building up the few true friendships I have. My biggest enemy to date is lonliness so I’m happy to find this forum. Will be keeping my eyes out for any meet-up opportunitied.