Hello again – need some adult conversation !

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Hello again – need some adult conversation !

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 50 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #49759 Report

    Jen D
    Participant

    Hi all of you

    Birthday went well. although a little different and he did notice.  He ended up with quite a bit of birthday cash as buying/delivering presents can be tricky at the mo… cubs virtual camp was excellent … both of them slept in a den they made in the front room, plus chocolate birthday cake was good too. Hope you’re all doing ok…just thought I’d reply quickly as it’s late now and need to sleep asap.

     

    #49947 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    Hey Jen,

    Hope you are doing well and

    Happy to hear you had a great birthday 🥳🥳

    #50000 Report

    Littlev86
    Participant

    Hey,

    I’m always happy to chat, loneliness has definitely slapped me in the face tonight. Really missing some adult conversation, there’s only so much roblox talk one mum can handle.

    X

    #50101 Report

    Mellymel
    Participant

    Hey peeps!

    12 days to go!!  We can do it!

     

    I know I will miss him when he’s back at school…and also I won’t!! LOL!

    Hi Littlev86, yep I hear you re the Roblox chat!  Like most challenging things it’s usually better when I surrender to it.  (What you resist persists..right?!)  I think I don’t have the time (haha, in lockdown I still think this to myself) or energy, but when I actually listen to and pay attention to whatever avatar outfit he’s created or what wheat he’s harvesting it’s not as bad/boring as I think!!  And it does help me connect with him and not worry so much about being the parent I think I ‘should’ be.  But it is all a bit samey now isn’t it.  How old’s your son/daughter?  How has lockdown been for them?

    It’s funny, perhaps as well as adult conversation we actually want other adults to share stuff about our kids?  I miss this.  Checking in with other parents and finding out most of what I worry about by myself is pretty ‘normal’, that there’s a way through.  And then to hear other parents’ solutions and ideas, what’s worked for them.

    Jen, the cubs camp sounds great!  Did they make it thru the night without you needing to get up for them?!  I’ve been on a waiting list for them here for over a year now, will need to check what’s happening when they’re up and running again.

    Very slow, barely visible, start to homeschooling (emergency education rather!) this week after half term but for me it’s just about no stress and going with the flow..it’s so hard on them they don’t need more pressure to do things if it’s not happening easily, IMO.

     

    #50104 Report

    Littlev86
    Participant

    Hi mellymel,

    Maybe your right lol my girls have been trying to get me to make an account on roblox and join in 🤣 maybe I should give in and join them.

    My daughters are 6 and 10 how old is your son? They have both found this lock down really hard first time round it was new and a little exciting being at home 2nd lockdown was ok but they started to miss friends then I think the 3rd lockdown after being at school for a while has made it harder. Hows your son finding it? How are you finding it ?

    I think your right about sharing stuff with other adults it makes a difference when you can chat about things. I found this whole  home schooling thing so hard I just can’t get my head into it and then I see other parents doing an amazing job of it while baking and making projects and I’m like damn we haven’t even got dressed today 🙈.

    Going with the flow is a good option I think its awfully hard on the kids not being able to see and be with their friends and as someone who suffers from mental health issues I don’t want to put that extra pressure on my girls to be doing 6 hours of schooling a day when there’s so much more going on in the world. So for the last few weeks we will baking and make art together.

    Xx

    #50124 Report

    Jen D
    Participant

    Hi

    How you all doing?? I think it’s hard too when you can’t have any chat about anything else but roblox too!! It would drive me up the wall but I guess it is best just to go with the flow and choose our battles. For me right now I’m determined that the boys settle down at night as I’m just exhausted all the time and back at work tomorrow so really have got to concentrate. Thought I’d check in briefly ‘cos it’s good to hear from people with similar problems to myself and find the funny side of it all. When I know other people are facing similar things it really just doesn’t feel like I’m totally on my own. My eldest son’s birthday was really good despite the lockdown. He got 2 late birthday cards today which was lovely when we all got home after school. It’s quite funny really because my boys keep asking to be off to do lessons at home and I’ve said that once I find out my shifts next week I’ll try and keep them off for 1 day at least. They keep asking to do lots of stuff that they know they’re friends are doing and I keep trying to eek out time to do them but it’s just so hard being busy with work and other family stuff to keep going. Think they feel a bit jealous of other children who haven’t been having to go school! Anyway take care all of you and keep in touch

    #50126 Report

    mammabear
    Participant

    Hello all,

    Well I’m currently having conversations with my 4 month old. I feel like I’m going to go crazy at the minute, can’t go to any mother and baby classes or anything.
    Does it get better and easier as a single parent? I just feel exhausted all the time and then I feel guilty because I’m not enjoying the time as much as I should with my boy.

    #50134 Report

    Mellymel
    Participant

    Hey Mamma Bear! Good to hear from you 😀  And congratulations! A 4 month babby , in this current situation.. You Rock!! It must be awful without the nurseries and parent/baby connections.  We are here for you.

    About it getting easier… well it does and then it’s hard again..etc..etc until.. But seriously the first bit of looking after them as a baby is the hardest (I’m hesitant to give a # of years for this stage cos it’s different for everyone & I don’t want to put you off!  did feel like a long time for me.)  Being a lone mum there’s so much on your shoulders, you are doing so well, and well done for reaching out to Gingerbread.  I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you ought to be enjoying it all more.  You will, you are probably already, in those little moments with your baby boy  and perhaps we all get caught up in comparing our situations with what it ‘looks’ like other people are experiencing.  I think it is just a slog!  And our enjoyment in some way is secondary to that of our children (not totally or forever!) because their needs are primary.  But saying that I know we also need look after ourselves too.

    I remember a quote I read one time about parenthood and it sums it up;

    “Being a parent is like sitting in a pyschic sweat lodge with your own secreted toxins dripping into your eyes” Ha!!

     

    For me isolation is the worst part because my thinking can really nosedive if I’m not careful.

    Littlev, I really relate to the homeschooling stuff and how it looks like other parents are doing.  We are all in a different boat (even if it’s the same storm) and you are the skipper of yours, I mine, them theirs, and we need do what is right for us individually.  It sounds so simple doesn’t it??!! Lol!  It sounds like you have been doing just the right thing in taking things at your own pace and what your girls need.  My son was in school first lockdowns as I was keyworking then and he just had fun and played at school, did hardly any work and was FINE!  He wasn’t behind when the new academic year began.  This year it’s been much more of a struggle for me and him with starting our homeschooling for the first time as I left my job (in a lovely special needs school but very poorly managed.)  I really didn’t get on with Google classroom, nor he, and I had 3 weeks of struggle mainly me trying to persuade his teacher to let me do my own thing with him, it was horrible and stressful but now I see that she was doing her job as best she could cos altho he is my son he is HER student and she is responsible for his learning, however confusing whilst not in school.  We arranged this finally, once she saw I was taking responsibility, I send her photos etc.  But I could go on and on about this (even more than I am?? Yes! And so I won’t, haha, unless someone specifically requests it!)  Anyway now it’s good..

     

    Shall we all join up on Roblox then??!

    Melis xx

     

    #50136 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Mammabear,this is the best stage-they don’t answer back yet.Drawback I found though, was so much STUFF to take with us wherever we went.Each stage has its pluses and minuses really,doesn’t it? My kids are teenagers now so all I can tell you is appreciate the time he sleeps! Mine hardly seem to need any sleep anymore🙄 they make me dizzy.

    Oh yes,another positive:

    U always know where he is and who he’s with😉

    Time will go faster than you’re think,enjoy him👶

    #50138 Report

    Mellymel
    Participant

    Jen, I hear you re getting the kids down at night.  My son was getting to sleep later and later and bedtimes are already stressful enough eh?  Combo of anxiety and less and less exercise/fresh air i think. He was feeling scared again at night and after I read a mums forum somewhere I remembered the thing of saying you’re going to go back to them every x no of mins (I said 10, altho prob could have been longer and once I’d said it I couldn’t change it lol!.) After a week of this he’s relaxed again and has usually fallen asleep before the first visit.

    I can see why they want to be at home rather than school, how will it be for YOU?!!  It’s so different, it’s not a transferable thing, I don’t think  most teachers realise that.  The relationship our kids have with us, and the environment, is just  SO different from that of school, IMO it needed a whole new way of looking and dealing with it than what has been done.  (But I’m not a huge fan of mainstream schooling anyway.)  Soon over, lockdown finished.  EVERY. SINGLE. THING. CROSSED.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #50150 Report

    Mellymel
    Participant

    Hi,

    Just needing to share.  It’s not been a good morning re homeschooling.  Finding it difficult to find a balance between being too forceful and too lax.  My son refused to do all the things I set up for him today, and this attitude is becoming more consistent.  It could be because it’s after half term, but I am just so tired now.  I think the best thing is to take a break, for me to rest up as I am no use to him tired and angry, and this is what I am doing. But I have this horrid feeling that I am letting him down and I’m failing by not being able to help him focus on his work more.  Even though I decided to not do Googleclass I just looked on there and saw other kids being all keen, doing the work and I felt worse for looking.  I have engaged my son in more holistic learning in lockdown because as a Steiner trained teacher I couldn’t & didn’t want to teach him things that feel wrong, imo, (when he is in school we go along with it, presently there’s no possibility for him to be in Steiner ed which is what I’d like).

    Possibly he is acting up to push my buttons/get attention that way.. Perhaps partly my queries here are connected to a bigger one of my son’s education generally.  I feel very torn about knowing what the right thing to do is.  I saw this time out of mainstream ed as an opportunity to let him experience a way of learning that, I think and have seen kids in a steiner school benefitting from, being so much more integrated with a child’s development, in all areas of life, not just the academic ones but creative and emotional ones.  There is, I just saw from the Googleclass today, already a competitive edge to the comments; who’s doing ‘the best’, who did it quickest, who found it easiest. I grew up with this type of education and, coupled with an unhappy, alcoholic and abusive home, left me with mental & emotional health issues.  It’s not about me, I know.  My son is a different character to me and has different needs.  Yet our young are facing increasing levels of mental and emotional difficulties (just today I heard a mother talk of her 12 year old daughter having attempted a 2nd overdose attempt.)  I know there’s probably not a one-size fits all answer.  And maybe I am pointing my finger too easily at what I think is to blame (to be clear it is the system of education I have issues with not the wonderful teachers I have encountered.)

    There is the option of moving to another area for me to find work & send my child to a Steiner school.  But after 2 years of many moves I now have a lovely, secure home that we both need.  I had cancer 2 years ago ( I believe induced by stress from all these moves & lone-parenting) and now clear and well I just need rest.

     

    Oh crikey!  I wasn’t planning to share all this.  And it’s totally okay if no one replies -whilst they would be welcome- I just needed to get this out somewhere to help me process what’s going on.  I am in one of those ‘nothing is going to work out, I am damned’ modes.  Need get out into nature to help me.  Thanks for reading tho if you have xx

    #50151 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    Hi,

    I read all the messages and it’s so great to hear from you coz I feel, I’m not alone😊.


    @Mellymel
    ,

    I think it’s time to take a break and don’t get angry! Coz it’s not gonna work.

    I think the best way to teach your son is through the game and play. It will work perfectly with educational games. My son never sit with me and always asking me to play a game and I realized that this is a best way to play different games and I can teach him by that.

    Now he is with my ex and he is very happy to spend his time with his mother. Sometimes I felt really upset to let him see his mother coz my ex is extremely nervous but i think, he needs to spend time with her.


    @Mammabear

    It’s not really difficult to talk with him of course at the beginning it seems you can’t do it but it’s getting better soon.

    As a father I’ve to admit I was a worst father with no experience to talk with my boy😅😅😅 .

     

     

    #50152 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    Unfortunately I do feel lower back pain after exercise but I’m better now. My son gets sad when I told him about my back.

    The best way to start from next week is cardio and I can’t wait!

    You know doing exercise helped me a lot to relief my pain after divorce.

    I lost weight and got depressed after divorce.

    Hopefully I’m great now🙂🙂

    #50153 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Mellymel,I couldn’t agree more with you about the education kids are being force fed nowadays.Half of it is totally unnecessary,useless except for passing gcse’s which at the moment is a bit of a shambles isn’t it? My kids are in private schools,I don’t know if that’s better or worse.Probably worse bc that old adage about absolute power being absolute corruption or or something bc they are slightly less answerable to the powers that be.If we’ve come to a point that as parents we are not equipped to help out a13 year old with homework there’s something badly wrong.The kids need more resilience and social training.More imaginative stuff and more nurturing of their Gd given talents so they are successful and feel valuable.Perhaps then there would be less crime,desperation and suicide.

    #50164 Report

    Mellymel
    Participant

    Thanks for that Ali, was just nice to get your message and know I’d been heard 😀  Time out (for me!!) helped.  It’s part of the ongoing learning of how to parent I guess.  You’re right once anger comes up a new route needs choosing.  Exercise is a great help too.  I’ve started running with my son.  It helps me mentally more than anything else.  As does writing it down.  Hope your back gets better.  Are you doing things to take care of it?

     

    Gummibear.  I’m so glad I’m not the only one thinking this way about school!  I don’t know why more parents aren’t up in arms about it.  8 yr olds being taught about ‘adverbials’ is one small example.  Parents do not even know this stuff, I as a TEFL teacher did not ever need to know this.  It is not necessary. like you say.  And force fed mostly meaningless information that does not really serve the kids.  Yes, help and guidance to be THEIR best selves, not some generic copy, identikit kid, all variations on the same theme, programmed successfully to fit in to a neatly prescribed world order.  Unquestioning and uncreative.  We need dreamers.  This is ‘educated’ out of them rather than nurtured.  As to whether your kids in private school are or aren’t better off it’s hard to say eh?  Things could be argued for and against, depending on the viewpoint. How do they feel, do they like it, question, have an understanding of the bigger picture?  And the first education is in the home isn’t it, although I guess this lessens as they age and it becomes more about their peers.  Perhaps it’s about the early years of life, setting those foundations, oh I dunno, I’m talking myself into the ground now!

    Well, it’s lifted my last few days having you here to chat to, I must admit!  Thank you xx

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 50 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register