He left me pregnant and says he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby.

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  • #51546 Report

    T2021
    Participant

    I’m currently 6 months pregnant, my ex of 5 years gave me an ultimatum either him or the baby. He has 2 children previously with another woman he sees the kids often he’s a good dad to them. We have been having unprotected sex for years so he knew the risks I could of got pregnant at any time. I was really in love with him I thought he was with me, we spent so much time together but because I didn’t choose to have an abortion he left me. He won’t speak to me, he says he doesn’t want to be involved with the baby. We live on the same estate which is really hard as he walks past me, ignores me doesn’t say a thing to me even with my growing belly. I often catch him looking back when he walks past but he’s said nothing to me. I’m devastated I know I should be happy and just get on with my pregnancy but it’s hard being alone. Having no one to feel the kicks or just share that experience with. I still really love him even though he’s treated me so horribly I just can’t get over the fact he’s left me to do this on my own. I have no idea if he’s going to be involved in the babies life when she is born, because we live so close to each other I just have no idea what’s going to happen will he just walk past me and the baby? I could never treat someone like this I cared about I wish I was stronger and could just forget but I find myself crying everyday especially when I see him and get ignored. Just would like some advise if anyone has any thank you XX

    #51554 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Hi,

    I would imagine it’s almost impossible to move on mentally/emotionally at all if he haunts the area you both live in…it must be a really maddening situation as you can’t really keep out him out of your mind.You must be so lonely right now,I’m sorry all this is going on….it’s so hard! There’s no way he’s not thinking about you,he’s human.Most likely he’s angry you didn’t ‘choose’ him  or doesn’t really know what to do now.On the slightly positive side it is better that he’s not saying anything than being  nasty or verbally abusive towards you.Maybe if you totally ignore him for a bit he’ll get over himself? What else can you do at the moment?

    #51562 Report

    Peachy
    Participant

    Hi

    My situation 3yrs ago has some similarities to yours. I was with my bf for 3yrs and we accidentally got pregnant. Same as you we didn’t use anything except the pull out,  so I was shocked when I received a similar response from my partner. I told him I was pregnant and for 4 weeks he kept telling me he wanted me to terminate and that I had ruined his life. So at 8weeks pregnant I broke up with him. I knew I deserved better and that 8 was a better off as a single parent.  I know what it feels like to not have that partner there to feel the kicking  and to get excited about our new arrival. I’d feel a prang of sadness when I’d see a pregnant couple looking happy at being pregnant, why was I the unlucky one doing it alone?? But i know I made the right decision and I would do it over again in a heartbeat. The best advice I can give you is to try to enjoy every kick,  every sleepless night,  every tantrum and every smile they give you.  If you do end up doing this alone,  don’t feel sad about it because you are not the one missing out,  he is.  You will be soaking up every moment and you will see how strong you are.

    I never did get back together with my ex and I had to watch him move on with other women.  he would flaunt it in my face and would want a reaction from me and I refused to give anything but a smile and say good for you.  I would break a little inside but I soon realised that I’d rather spend my time with my son,  rather than bedding/dating multiple people.

    If your ex is treating you like that,  then you are better off without him because he is acting immaturely and clearly has past issues that he hasn’t worked through.

    When you do feel sad or angry towards your ex,  just remember those feelings are only temporary. It will pass

    #51611 Report

    Metalmonk70
    Participant

    He, like many men…don’t really understand what the are missing out on……seeing that little smile, holding that little person, getting the chance to be more than the sum of ourselves…very few men ever understand those feelings, do what you feel is is right…don’t be afraid, be strong

    #51746 Report

    kathmaria143
    Participant

    Hi T2021

    I’m sorry for your situation, I really get sad when men, in particular, want to have sex without a condom, as the feeling of sex is different without a condom. When a woman gets pregnant, they start to shout ‘abortion’. Firstly abortion costs about£480 to do privately. Do the men say I will pay half the cost of the abortion? Secondly, abortion is dangerous for women. Men need to think and have the conversation before having sex if they want a child or not if an accident happens. Even some Christian men still do not want to have a baby if the women get pregnant. It takes two to have sex. Not for the man to run away from his responsibilities. When I got pregnant the man said to me for me to have an abortion. He said I’m putting pressure on him to be a father. What about the pressure I am under. I wanted to keep the baby but, I can only say. God listened to this man, and I miscarriage. He threatens he would run away. Is that the maturity of a consenting adult? It seems he just wants to have fun with no responsibilities. Sorry, it does not work like that!

    The only advice is that conception is both of our responsibilities. He did not even want to buy condoms. He told me to go to ‘Poundland’ to buy condoms. £1 for 14 condoms. £1 for safe sex and an unwanted child, or £480 for an abortion, or a long time with a new baby – adult.

    These are the choices of having sex, we all need to rethink the consequences of having casual or loving sex.

    Let’s all be safe and happy. A baby deserves a Mum and a Dad. A Mother carrying a baby deserves a man to support her, and be there for the Mother and the baby or babies…

    Thanks, Katherine,

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