Have any dad’s kept their kids?

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  • #37671 Report

    MrR
    Participant

    Hi,

    It’s a long story (isn’t it always)  so I’ll omit the details for now but I’d like to speak to a dad who’s been concerned enough for their kids to make the decision to assume full parental responsibility without the consent of the mum.

    I am currently in the situation where I’m sure my kids would be better off living with me than mum but mum won’t consider it.

    I’ve tried mediation which mum wasn’t in favour of, I’ve attempted to discuss the possibility of the kids moving in with me which mum again is not in favour of.

    I am about to make a Child Application Order but know this could take months if not years to complete.

    I’m ready to keep the kids with me instead of taking them back at the end of our weekend then explaining to mum the kids now live with me.

    I’m looking for advice about what to expect straight after doing it, how it would be perceived legally, emergency school admissions, contact with mum etc etc. All the things you learnt when you did it.

    I’m not looking to have the decision made for me or to be judged I just want to hear from someone with direct experience of doing this who can pass on some knowledge and wise words to help me make the best decision I can.

    thanks

    #37704 Report

    Did not plan this
    Participant

    Hi

    I had to make this decision about a year ago.

    The simple position is that both parents have equal parent rights. I know this seems extremely unlikely given the amount of support offered to any woman who wants it (notice I didn’t use the word ‘needs’ it).

    If you have genuine concerns about their welfare and you are in a position to take them on full time, I would do it ASAP. It took me a couple of months to save up a deposit for a suitable house but if you have that in place there is no reason not to do it now.

    Keep their mother in the loop as to the arrangements you are making and why and you will have done nothing wrong.

    Quite happy to guide you through the process if that would help re schools emergency contacts etc.

    What you will find is that the entire system is set up to discriminate against men. Any accusation against you, no matter how mad, is treated as the truth.

    The good news is that all you have to do is go to family court. Even though they want to discriminate against you as a father, they are not allowed to. Family court is all a bit pathetic and amateurish but from my experience they do stick to the rules.

    If you can afford a solicitor get one.

    Anyway. I’m here if you have any questions.

    BTW I am now a proud single dad of two (10&12). My youngest has to see his mum for a few hours each fortnight as the courts are obsessed with parental contact.

    First question to you is, how old are they and would they prefer to live with you?

    #37761 Report

    MrR
    Participant

    Thank you. I really appreciate reading that.

    Theyre 9 and almost 3, yes they would definitely want, like to, prefer and be better placed to live with me, especially the eldest (it’s impossible for me to speak on behalf of the youngest)

    A change is school would be needed but I’m comfortable applying for an emergency placement but thanks for the offer of help.

     

    How did the mother react when you told her, do the police become involved and is there any danger I could be forced to hand the kids back despite my concerns (which are about her being violent (not towards the kids to my knowledge but certainly in her private and work life), recently arrested for violence, using drugs, alcohol misuse, unsafe home, banned from driving (DD), leaving the eldest at home alone.

     

    Ready made home for them to move into today, I’m ready to do it I just want to do it right but I also do not want to give mum unsupervised access or contact whilst CAFCASS conduct their enquires. My child order is ready to be applied for now I just need to submit it hence why I’m making some last minute requests for help and advice from experienced people like yourself.

    I was chuffed to read a success story, good on you 👍🏼

    #37817 Report

    Needsmust
    Participant

    Hello, will be following your story as it is something I have been mulling over…..trouble with my situation is that mum works full-time and will not allow me.to have any more contact with my kids. She is of the opinion that my time with them is ‘contact’ where in reality I have a shared residence order… 70/30 split and half the holidays.

    Make sure you are awarded residence – at whatever percent. In your situation I would say you have an outstanding chance of success due to your ex’s issues with violence/drugs etc.. in my case I am up against a fight as she will not entertain anymore contact. She keeps taking days from me as it is which is the worst as I never get that time back. Plus she has now moved in the boyfriend which I know for sure is not what my youngest wants….eldest is scared of saying what he really thinks as he knows his mother too well. Fortunately the youngest is like his mum and will do what he wants….good luck with everything!

     

     

    #38093 Report

    Kylejohn
    Participant

    If you feel that your children’s mum is incapable to look after the kids you can report it to the social or have the police do a welfare check it’s what I did and now I have my daughter

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