Happy Birthday

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    Andrew uk

    It’s my daughter’s 5th birthday this month. I’m not seeing her, unfortunately. I’ve bought her a present that will have to be collected by my ex. What should I write in her birthday-card?

    “……from Daddy, Mummy and siblings” or “……from Daddy and siblings” or just Daddy?

    This is the first birthday since the divorce.

    #64661 Report

    *deleted user*

    Personally I would write just ‘daddy’.

    Presumably the ‘mummy’ (your ex? or current partner?) would make that decision for herself…?

    If it is the first birthday since the divorce then emotions will still be raw for everybody – so calm and simple is the way forward.

    Better to let siblings speak for themselves you could organise a birthday celebration with them – which is low key?

    One way forward is to create an extended family tradition whereby birthdays are not just celebrated for one day but over a week for example even two weeks. Little things happening I mean, not a big party every day.

    This allows for everything not to focus on a twenty-four hour time frame probably very emotional time frame, but allows for travelling to see the other parent in question and for a birthday to be celebrated in a different way there.

    Ours came about as originally I joked that since I was two days in labour with my daughter – birth ‘days’ were always going to be long ones.

    It seems to work over the years to a certain extent.

    All those years ago when I got divorced the hearing was a few days before Christmas. Shockingly there were so many couples in the court reception who were loudly arguing about who was going to do what at Christmas with their child that I resolved to avoid that one at all costs as it has such a negative impact on the kids (and the parents). I wrote into the residence agreement that child was to spend alternate Christmas and Birthdays with either parent and to a certain extent that worked as there were never any arguments or disagreements about it. The judge thought it was a good idea and praised me for considering it.

    Festivities of all kinds can be really emotional for people especially birthdays – when they are five in particular as there is a lot of sugary foods around, party foods, excitement and resulting tiredness when they come back down to earth (and stress for the parent hosting the party actually) that it really is best to stay calm and measured if at all possible and not get caught up in the hype.



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