<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m a single mother to 2 children, a 24 month old boy & a 7 year old daughter.</p>
Almost 3 years ago I lost my 2nd child to hospital negligence, he was 3 days old. I fell pregnant with my 3rd child 3 months after our loss. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy and my relationship crumbled. Although a great amount of love still there, he wanted attention I couldn’t give. Too frightened of losing the baby I was carrying, scared stiff of giving birth and so much more. Looking back I was probably selfish that I didn’t accommdate my partners needs, but all I could think about was our baby… he was my focus. I ended up having to give birth 4 weeks early due to complications. He spent a few days on the neonatal unit, but happy to say he was/is a very healthy little boy. My partner was there the whole way, told me he loved me, will always be there etc etc. Our boy was 2 weeks old and I felt my partner wasn’t the same person. He didn’t want me… I could sense it. He was seeing someone else. I hated him. I had a new born baby and our 1st born baby boy hadn’t even been gone a year. Why? Why me? Am I that awful? Do I deserve this? So many questions that play on my mind.
Here I am today. He’s still with the other woman, had a baby together. Yet, he texts me to tell me I’m beautiful, he loves me, he regrets so many things… I could go on!
I just want to feel happiness again. I don’t want to feel this overwhelming aching of loneiness and sadness. Do I want to date? Yes I think I do. But, then the thought makes me feel sick and I wonder if I even have the energy.