Guidance and advice

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Guidance and advice

Tagged: 

This topic contains 27 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Ali.saa 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 28 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #26336 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    I’ve been with my partner almost 4 years and we’ve just become separated.

    We have two boys together with the youngest being 2 months.

    We separated not so long ago (not my decision) and I’m struggling hard.

    So this all came about stuff my partner had seen and taken into accusation towards myself whilst I was at work and was unable to truly defend and explain everything, this resulted in the decision from her self to separate. Everything was over text and there was no choice of a in person discussion.

    Since the break up I’m having rules and forms/requests/demands thrown at me on the daily followed by attacks all through messages. I’m offering all the help I can financially as I’ve held the household myself for our family for a very long time.

    I’m at breaking point mentally and it’s all just building up.

    She doesn’t want my help financially then she does. Then her parents get involved and I’m being told it’s law this and I have to do that. Being demanded to sign for her to be the main care giver yet it’s myself paying for the house to be functional.

    I just don’t know where to turn.

    #26365 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    It sounds like your ex is hurt & angry & not thinking straight. Hopefully she’ll be calmer soon. Don’t agree to anything until she is prepared to talk to you calmly.

    You could prepare a list of questions – maintenance, rent, shared care etc – and then ring the Gingerbread helpline. Write down the answers so you can be sure of yourself when you speak to your ex and her parents.

    But give her – and yourself – time to think what will work in practice for the children. There is no rush.

    #26367 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    I haven’t been agreeing to anything, Anything that looks like it’s leading to an argument i just say Ok too.

    I don’t want to argue but at the same time i’m hurting so much.

     

    I just feel like at this time everything is being thrown at myself from her. Just struggling

    #26371 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    Each day i get home there is one less photo of me up.

    #26373 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    Cor nasty.

    When my relationship with my kids dad was properly over that was it.

    The void was placed. Then i just had to get used to being single, then the finacial burdens of the relationship hit home. I found an honest freedom in our seperation and its taken me this long.

    Use the hotlines and make sure you ask for what you want. Dont just cower to demands.

    #26374 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    I’m also currently on the sofa bed downstairs. I’m not sleeping and just spend all my time currently just going over how crap I feel.

    Move discussed everything that’s going on with a couple of close friends.

    Just constantly getting the knee thrown in with all the rushing and irrational behaviour.

    #26385 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    Hi,

    So sorry to hear this. I’ve been there in almost exactly the same position as you, and I can tell you from experience, that you will get through it, and it will get easier.

    Try to celebrate even the smallest things to start with, such as a positive thought, or completing a small task – this soon snowballs and your mood will change.

    Just don’t respond to angry, controlling behaviour – when she realises that you will only reply when she is calm, you should see her change a bit too.

    finally, make a plan for you to move out if you can, be it an immediate or longer term plan. you need the space away from constant reminders, and the time to find yourself again.

    Speak to the GB team too, they will guide you and give support – We’re all here for you too

    #26386 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    Worst thing is my closest family or friends are 2 hours away. Relocated to my current area to be with her.

    I just don’t want to give up on her or us. She means far too much to me and I don’t see my life without her. I haven’t done in a long time.

     

    #26390 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    So newest update.

    We both made a decision about a year ago to come away from all social media for the both of us. For it mind state and relationship.

    Come to find today she has them all back installed on her phone. Major throat cut.

    #26398 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    Got a session booked with a therapist tomorrow.

     

    Hopefully clear my head up a little.

    #26400 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    Talking to someone definitely helps, good luck and let us know how it goes

     

    SD

    #26411 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    Hope you will feel better soon

    #26452 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    So let’s play catch up.

    Today’s been a bit of an up and down day for myself.

    Last night I asked her if we could talk, I needed to clear my head and I needed to know hers. Everything on the table.

    She agreed but won’t speak to me in person as she knows she’ll end up back with me. It’s clear we’re both still madly in love with each other but I feel there is more influence into why she’s not allowing that bond.

    Seen my therapist today. Safe to say he’s opened my mind quite a lot and I will definitely be booking back in again to clear the air more. Suggested going in together but I know she’ll 100% refuse as it’s just going to push her back towards me.

    Was mentioned about narcissistic abuse.

     

    Im still mad for this woman and I’m not prepared to move on. But I am going to give her space and let her do what she needs to do.

     

    Also, turns out the social media thing was because she needed her friends. Screenshots say otherwise.

     

    So yeah, stepping back. Not being that figure I’ve been for so many years keeping her a float. It’s going to be hard but I need to focus on me and my boys.

     

    Advice for for the day I’ve taken in;

    its tiring wanting things in the mind to be different than they are. Take a day off.

    Multitasking is overrated. Not to mention exhausting. Try bringing your awareness to one. Thing. At. A. Time.
    <div class=”DI6Ufb” style=”caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-box-flex: 10; flex: 1 10 0%; min-width: 0px;”>
    <div class=”NFQFxe viOShc LKPcQc mod” lang=”en-GB” style=”-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); clear: none; padding-top: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 8px; border-top-right-radius: 8px; border-bottom-right-radius: 8px; border-bottom-left-radius: 8px; border-top-width: 0px;” data-md=”16″ data-hveid=”CAoQAQ” data-ved=”2ahUKEwjkyKL_3eniAhVJTRUIHXO2BfMQhygoADABegQIChAB”>
    <div class=”Ftghae VgfJld” style=”margin-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 16px; padding-right: 16px; margin-top: 10px;”>
    <div class=”SPZz6b”>
    <div class=”kno-ecr-pt kno-fb-ctx HOpgu gsmt” style=”color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.870588); overflow: hidden; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0px; font-family: Roboto, HelveticaNeue, Arial, sans-serif; position: relative; transform-origin: left top;” data-local-attribute=”d3bn” data-attrid=”title” data-ved=”2ahUKEwjkyKL_3eniAhVJTRUIHXO2BfMQ3B0oATABegQIChAL”></div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>

    #26490 Report

    Naivelink
    Participant

    Well it’s been an eventful few days.

    Lets just say my ex partner has got everything she wanted.

    Shes managed to file a residential injunction against me reporting me as abusive and threatening and stopping me from entering my owned home.

    So now I’m currently homeless, unable to see my kids without organising with a third party and not a penny too my name.

     

    Yet the the police have not been in contact with me and they are unable to supply me with a crime reference number as they won’t have one till Monday?

     

    Peoples thoughts?

    #26493 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    It’s awfu ll ,Ho she could accused you? I thought ,it is better to talk with lawyer. It’s unfair actually

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 28 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register