Groundhog day

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  • #47009 Report

    Jodi91
    Participant

    Hi I recently heard about this organisation ,and thought I’d give it a go to see if anyone is in a similar situation

    I split up from my kids dad 5 years ago I took him to court to see his children I grew up without my dad and didn’t want the same (never did I think he wouldn’t make an effort ) his new girlfriend didn’t like him seeing his children however he stuck with her .

    i have three children one with an addition needs , I just feel it’s the same everyday and really struggling I take the kids to school do the house jobs make tea bath them put them to bed I have no time what’s so ever to myself and just don’t know what to do my ex didn’t stick to the court agreement and hasn’t for 4 years he sees them every Sunday but he’s timing is rubbish the reason he doesn’t stick the court agreement is because his girlfriend would kick him out if he has the children at hers or would cause arguments infront of our children and he wouldn’t stand for it however he still stays put . She’s violent to him and always tries to get him arrested so understandable he doesn’t want the kids around it .

    My eldest I feel I struggle to bond with as he reminds me so much of his dad he’s not very pleasant to me and we have been through a lot albeit the aggression is getting better but when he goes he goes . I have no family to support me I just feel I’m going round in circles two out of three children would like to live with their dad and make it known how much they hate me and im no fun however I do so much for them I play games I take them football golf Crealy soft play areas even took them fishing and go karting we are constantly doing stuff where as dad just takes them to the park for a couple of hours on a Sunday ! Where have I gone wrong ?

    There’s so much more to this but don’t want to waffle on to much just need to get it off my Chest and figure out where to go from here !

    #47327 Report

    Westernchampion
    Participant

    Hi Jodi.

    You haven’t done anything wrong.  By the sound of it, your doing everything right, which is especially difficult when it’s you doing nearly all of the work.  I think the worst thing us single parents do is criticise ourselves when the reality is that most of us are usually just trying to do our best and we need to look after ourselves too.  That’s sometimes easier said than done I know.  Do you have friends that you can talk to?

    #47347 Report

    Hi Jodi91,

    I’m sorry you are feeling this way.

    I agree with westernchampion.

    Do you have any other means of child care? My son goes to nursery in the mornings, this has enabled me to go to work and gives us both a break and to be around other people, sometimes my son can be mean he is  a toddler but I don’t think what ever age it still would hurt. Would counselling help for you and your son? I also can imagine you are exhausted especially with covid situation makes child care so much harder and having to rely on someone so unprecitable just adds to your energy supply.

    I think you need to be kind to yourself and if there is a family member or friend that is in your bubble or potential bubble reach out its so important right now for your well being to get a bit of you time for it can all get consuming which isn’t healthy and don’t feel guilty for looking after yourself as at the end of the day it’s for there needs as well as yours.

    Sending you a big hug!!

     

    #47348 Report

    Jodi91
    Participant

    Thank you both for replying . All my family live over 3 hours away so have no help from families and my friends try to help but the children just won’t go . I struggle to ask for help and to talk about what’s going on . I have just finished counselling for myself but unfortunately it just wasn’t the right time to do it as every time I spoke to her something new had happened so wasn’t able to talk about what I originally went for .

    I have two children with additional needs complete different needs so when they are at school I always seem to have hospital appointments to attend to I’m currently doing an open uni course but I’m looking at maybe getting a part time job for now to give me something for myself which doesn’t involve the children .

    I keep telling myself things will get easier but I do worry the older they get the worse it gets every night I try and start a clean slate and think what was happy about the day or Proud that the kids done so we leave it on a happy note but I find myself just constantly putting on a fake smile just so they don’t see the hurt upset and pain I feel inside .

     

    #47363 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    I have a child with special needs. Asu dont get help from relatives or friends I pay for someone to help. I use the Dla to pay for help; my arthrits in hands and feet have got worse and when my child does not want to walk or has a melt down in park I use the wheelchair buggy. This is week 2 of holidays . We have got. Time table if what we are going to do .the nanny is recovering from a major op so havent seemln her since Feb. The other lady is coming on Wed so  that’s na godsend .the disability allowance I use for child care. I met her when my child was at nursery and she took care of her during bthat time .

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