Going Through pregnancy without the father
15 October 2020 at 12:53 am #44825
I’m going through pregnancy alone, and though I’m excited to be on this beautiful journey, it feels scary and lonely without having the father here. Here’s a bit of my background. I recently got out of a toxic relationship and now I’m working on healing and getting my life back in order. My ex and I were planning to have a baby, we tried for a couple months with no success. We had a lot of stress in our lives at the time and it was taking a toll on us and our relationship. We decided to put the whole baby thing on hold and wait until things settled down and we were in a better situation to try again. Our relationship spiraled down hill, we were fighting constantly, always yelling and saying hurtful things to each other, I finally couldn’t take it anymore so I left. I changed my phone number, blocked him on every form of social media, and rid him from my life completely. Literally a week later, I found out I was pregnant. When I finally got the courage to tell him, he told me he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, so I’m in this alone. I often feel sad and lonely, I daydream of what it would be like if my child’s father and I were in this together, telling our friends and families the exciting news together, going to doctor appointments and birthing classes together, etc. I wish I got to experience all of that. Anyone else who has gone through a pregnancy alone, do you mind sharing your experience and some words of encouragement?16 October 2020 at 10:13 am #44853
When i got pregnant with my 2nd child I’d just come out of a 7 year relationship with my eldest daughters father and had a two week fling with someone who i later found out i was pregnant by. He promptly told me he couldn’t handle it and disappeared off the face of the earth so I had an 18month old and was pregnant as well as working full time.
I had some abuse from him via Facebook or rather from his girlfriend who he went back to after me accusing me of lying about him being the father etc etc but i didn’t see him for 8 1/2 months. He saw me at a bus stop on my way home from work and offered me a lift he told me he was sorry etc and mentioned something about getting together which i told him in no uncertain terms would never happen. He declined to come to the birth so I went into hospital alone and my sister luckily turned up just as i was about to give birth and she got to cut the cord (she says she’s still traumatised by the birth as she had 3 caesareans and Tom literally shot out lol), my mum was looking after my daughter. He turned up the next day and stayed for 10 mins, i then had a letter demanding a dna test which i did and proved it was his son.
That was nearly 13 years ago and although I think he’s an a**ehole he’s done ok by our son, he’s seen him pretty regularly over the years. I had the occasional wft am i doing moments during the pregnancy and having a stroppy toddler and a newborn who required constant feeding because he was such a greedy little pig led me to the occasional sleep deprived breakdown but i got through it and can be a bit lonely at two in the morning when you have a child screaming with colic (oh the joy) but not once did i think i had done the wrong thing by keeping him. He’s now about to become a stroppy teenager who is eating me out of house and home and sees his dad when he wants as he has just bought a house up the road, although mostly he prefers to be with me and his brother and sisters.16 October 2020 at 10:39 am #44854
Gina in KentParticipant
Hello the optimist,
the same is happening to me. My ex and I had rocky times in our relationship, he left me at the end of lockdown left me in a house in the country that we just bought that needs a lot of work, which I am doing myself. I found out that I was pregnant in July and he doesn’t want anything to do with it either. We have a 2.5 year old too, whom he sees. But I’ll be alone with the second.
My main difficulty is the complete loneliness because I have moved to an area I don’t know with no friends or family around and the covid restrictions, with the prospect of years of loneliness as a single parent.
I would very much like to share with you in some of the bad and good moments of this pregnancy. I am based in Kent in a village. How about you?
Gina16 October 2020 at 1:25 pm #44861
Sorry to hear you’re going through this alone as well. I live in the United States, so quite far from where you are unfortunately. I would like to share thoughts and experiences though, maybe we can talk over private message?17 October 2020 at 5:08 pm #44887
I found out I was pregnant after splitting up with my ex and he had moved abroad. So from the very beginning I knew I was doing this alone. It was daunting at times and I was upset that I wasn’t going to appointments or making announcements with a partner, but I tried hard to focus on how life would be with a baby in my arms and pictured me and my child in a happy future.
My beautiful baby is now a 12yo young lady and I am as in love with her now, as I was the day she was placed in my arms. I won’t lie, it’s not all been easy. But what I have learned over the years, is that you’ll have moments of doubt, guilt & feeling lonely whether you’re single or in a relationship. I’ve not met a parent who doesn’t have those very normal feelings.
But, it’s also an amazing experience. As you go along, you’ll find a routine and lifestyle that suits you and your child and the tears and worries will be outweighed by all the fun moments along the way. Spend your pregnancy finding out what’s available locally for new parents and researching any financial help you’re entitled to. One of my biggest anxieties was how I’d be affected financially, how maternity leave would work etc.. having it all worked out before the baby came was a great help.
I’m not painting this as completely fine, but you will find strength you didn’t know existed. I’ve been through homelessness, bereavement and serious debt having been ripped off by a family member and yet somehow, I’ve managed to raise a child throughout it all and I wouldn’t change her for a second. I’ve made amazing parent friends along the way, some as couples, some single.
Good luck and please feel free to message me if you find yourself up late at night with worries and questions.19 October 2020 at 8:00 am #44918
Ali19 October 2020 at 1:28 pm #44928
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve never been in your situation, but I have dealt with my fair share of depression. It’s rough and it isn’t easy. My best advice is to keep reminding yourself that what you’re going through is only temporary and it WILL get better, just keep thinking optimistically, because pain is temporary and it will go away as time goes on. Try to keep yourself busy and occupy your mind with something else, for example go out more often or find a new hobby, start reading a new book, or find a new movie or tv series. It helps if your mind is busy and you spend less time just sitting alone with your thoughts. Also I would highly suggest going to therapy, even if it’s just for a short time to get you through what you’re currently going through. I have found therapy very helpful in the past, it will also give you a chance to talk about your feelings and what you’re going through and get it all off your chest without any fear of judgement or receiving bad advice. I hope things get better for you soon, try to stay positive as best you can9 April 2021 at 8:59 am #52553
Hi, not much I can say in terms of positive words of encouragement, but I’m currently pregnant with my 2nd child and found out 2 days after me and my ex split up, he wants nothing to do with this baby and I’ve attended all my scans and appointments on my own so far.
I think the main thing that gets me through is that this baby needs me and my eldest gets a brother or sister for company. I’m also slowly trying to find some more friends which could help support me but difficult due to lockdown, it will all be okay though!
You can do this! x19 April 2021 at 11:04 pm #53065
I also went through pregnancy alone, my sister came to my scans but all my midwife and hospital appointments were alone, my sister was my birthing partner but apart from the actual birth could only come in at visiting hours. I won’t lie, it was hard, and lonely, I read all the time about people complaining about others touching their bump and I wished someone would touch mine, you see the movie pregnancy and always imagine that’s what yours will be and feel you have missed out if it’s not. But you know what, and this is gonna sound so cliche but it’s true, the first time I looked into my babies eyes my life changed completely and I have never been alone since. He is five years old and I can’t even imagine how I lived without him before, he has completed me. The pregnancy can be lonely, I know, but you’ve got this! You have an amazing life in front of you, you will be the whole world to your baby and they will be your whole world too. Yes it will be hard at times because of that but it will also be beautiful and amazing xx25 April 2021 at 8:10 am #53326
When I was 3 weeks pregnant I told the father he said he needed time to think my son is nearly 7 and he has never met him. So I’ve done it all on my own and it is hard but so worth it. X25 April 2021 at 11:56 pm #53348
I did it on my own from day 1. Just as the others say, it’s hard but it’s worth it . My biggest worries were keeping my job and having it work around the baby without loosing income, childcare and the cost of childcare, getting bigger accommodation and the effects of being a single parent on my child. I managed to make it work (so far)! He’s almost 5 now. Feel free to message me if you need to talk x