Going Through pregnancy without the father

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  • #44825 Report

    _theoptimistwriter_
    Participant

    I’m going through pregnancy alone, and though I’m excited to be on this beautiful journey, it feels scary and lonely without having the father here. Here’s a bit of my background. I recently got out of a toxic relationship and now I’m working on healing and getting my life back in order. My ex and I were planning to have a baby, we tried for a couple months with no success. We had a lot of stress in our lives at the time and it was taking a toll on us and our relationship. We decided to put the whole baby thing on hold and wait until things settled down and we were in a better situation to try again. Our relationship spiraled down hill, we were fighting constantly, always yelling and saying hurtful things to each other, I finally couldn’t take it anymore so I left. I changed my phone number, blocked him on every form of social media, and rid him from my life completely. Literally a week later, I found out I was pregnant. When I finally got the courage to tell him, he told me he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, so I’m in this alone. I often feel sad and lonely, I daydream of what it would be like if my child’s father and I were in this together, telling our friends and families the exciting news together, going to doctor appointments and birthing classes together, etc. I wish I got to experience all of that. Anyone else who has gone through a pregnancy alone, do you mind sharing your experience and some words of encouragement?

    • This topic was modified 5 days, 1 hour ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: Removed formatting codes
    #44853 Report

    picklepie24
    Participant

    When i got pregnant with my 2nd child I’d just come out of a 7 year relationship with my eldest daughters father and had a two week fling with someone who i later found out i was pregnant by.  He promptly told me he couldn’t handle it and disappeared off the face of the earth so I had an 18month old and was pregnant as well as working full time.

    I had some abuse from him via Facebook or rather from his girlfriend who he went back to after me accusing me of lying about him being the father etc etc but i didn’t see him for 8 1/2 months.  He saw me at a bus stop on my way home from work and offered me a lift he told me he was sorry etc and mentioned something about getting together which i told him in no uncertain terms would never happen.  He declined to come to the birth so I went into hospital alone and my sister luckily turned up just as i was about to give birth and she got to cut the cord (she says she’s still traumatised by the birth as she had 3 caesareans and Tom literally shot out lol), my mum was looking after my daughter.  He turned up the next day and stayed for 10 mins, i then had a letter demanding a dna test  which i did and proved it was his son.

    That was nearly 13 years ago and although I think he’s an a**ehole he’s done ok by our son, he’s seen him pretty regularly over the years.    I had the occasional wft am i doing moments during the pregnancy and having a stroppy toddler and a newborn who required constant feeding because he was such a greedy little pig led me to the occasional sleep deprived breakdown but i got through it and can be a bit lonely at two in the morning when you have a child screaming with colic (oh the joy) but not once did i think i had done the wrong thing by keeping him.  He’s now about to become a stroppy teenager who is eating me out of house and home and sees his dad when he wants as he has just bought a house up the road, although mostly he prefers to be with me and his brother and sisters.

    #44854 Report

    Gina in Kent
    Participant

    Hello the optimist,

    the same is happening to me. My ex and I had rocky times in our relationship, he left me at the end of lockdown left me in a house in the country that we just bought that needs a lot of work, which I am doing myself. I found out that I was pregnant in July and he doesn’t want anything to do with it either. We have a 2.5 year old too, whom he sees. But I’ll be alone with the second.

    My main difficulty is the complete loneliness because I have moved to an area I don’t know with no friends or family around and the covid restrictions, with the prospect of years of loneliness as a single parent.

    I would very much like to share with you in some of the bad and good moments of this pregnancy. I am based in Kent in a village. How about you?

    Gina

    #44861 Report

    _theoptimistwriter_
    Participant

    Hi Gina,

    Sorry to hear you’re going through this alone as well. I live in the United States, so quite far from where you are unfortunately. I would like to share thoughts and experiences though, maybe we can talk over private message?

    #44887 Report

    TalesofAMixedUpMama
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I found out I was pregnant after splitting up with my ex and he had moved abroad. So from the very beginning I knew I was doing this alone. It was daunting at times and I was upset that I wasn’t going to appointments or making announcements with a partner, but I tried hard to focus on how life would be with a baby in my arms and pictured me and my child in a happy future.

    My beautiful baby is now a 12yo young lady and I am as in love with her now, as I was the day she was placed in my arms. I won’t lie, it’s not all been easy. But what I have learned over the years, is that you’ll have moments of doubt, guilt & feeling lonely whether you’re single or in a relationship. I’ve not met a parent who doesn’t have those very normal feelings.

    But, it’s also an amazing experience. As you go along, you’ll find a routine and lifestyle that suits you and your child and the tears and worries will be outweighed by all the fun moments along the way. Spend your pregnancy finding out what’s available locally for new parents and researching any financial help you’re entitled to. One of my biggest anxieties was how I’d be affected financially, how maternity leave would work etc.. having it all worked out before the baby came was a great help.

    I’m not painting this as completely fine, but you will find strength you didn’t know existed. I’ve been through homelessness, bereavement and serious debt having been ripped off by a family member and yet somehow, I’ve managed to raise a child throughout it all and I wouldn’t change her for a second. I’ve made amazing parent friends along the way, some as couples, some single.

    Good luck and please feel free to message me if you find yourself up late at night with worries and questions.

    #44918 Report

    henryk
    Participant

    Hello everyone, I sadly have no many people to rely on locally as I move to Australia for university a while back. I met this girl who I felt deeply in love with in not a long time, few months later she came pregnant and I was so insecure as my income here as a student is really low but not long after I was fully convinced of having it as I love her and she really wanted it. After almos 3 months of pregnancy she became really unstable emotionally and start having doubts about having the child and like this she change her mind twice so she took me on that emotional roller coaster too. Now she is about to do abortion and doesn’t want me to be part of it and it’s better if we donde see each other ever again. A fair bit of this happens I guess because of the fact that I don’t know her for that long and I started feeling I have now idea who I’m dealing with. It’s so hard to understand why she is pushing me away in situations like this where we should stick together and she is gonna suffer and I want to support here, but she just want me away and I totally respect everything she decides. Now I find myself really depressed and anxious been smoking loads of cigarettes which I usually don’t do but I helps abut, I’ve tried reaching a few friends and family over the phone but every morning I wake up I feel like I have nothing to live for at the moment and thankfully don’t have the balls to take my life away (which I know it’s ridiculous because I’ve been single before and had a really good time as well as really bad relationship and got better after too).

    some tips and thought to get myself around to get over this and be strong would be much appreciated thanks

    —————————

    Ali

    #44928 Report

    _theoptimistwriter_
    Participant

    Hi henryk,

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve never been in your situation, but I have dealt with my fair share of depression. It’s rough and it isn’t easy. My best advice is to keep reminding yourself that what you’re going through is only temporary and it WILL get better, just keep thinking optimistically, because pain is temporary and it will go away as time goes on. Try to keep yourself busy and occupy your mind with something else, for example go out more often or find a new hobby, start reading a new book, or find a new movie or tv series. It helps if your mind is busy and you spend less time just sitting alone with your thoughts. Also I would highly suggest going to therapy, even if it’s just for a short time to get you through what you’re currently going through. I have found therapy very helpful in the past, it will also give you a chance to talk about your feelings and what you’re going through and get it all off your chest without any fear of judgement or receiving bad advice. I hope things get better for you soon, try to stay positive as best you can

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