Going through a separation
12 April 2020 at 8:17 am #38855
Hi , 2 weeks a go she told me she didn’t love me anymore , long story short we’ve agreed to separate once this corona virus does one , I’m so scared of telling my 11 and 5 yr olds that mummy and daddy are splitting up , I’m 42 and all I can think of is will I ever meat anyone again or will I survive on my own , it’s goin be a long process and it’s making me feel sick , any advice would be really appreciated 👍12 April 2020 at 9:23 am #38861
It must be extremely hard for you at the moment having to still live together but try and turn it into a positive as it will give you time to prepare your children who are a lot tougher than you give them credit for. Give them plenty of reassurance that even though you won’t be living with them, you still love them lots and will still get to see them.
Not going to lie life after separation is tough but hopefully you have a good support from friends and families.
You will survive on your own and will get to the point of enjoying life and you will find a new relationship but it all takes time.12 April 2020 at 9:33 am #38862
Hi thanks for replying, it all came out of the blue I thought everything was fine then she rips my world apart , she’s got loads of friends to talk to so she never of her phone where as I haven’t got many so I’m sat here every day stairing in to thin air worrying my self stupid , we’ve got wait till this is all over to speak to people about the house and things , maybe once I no where a stand I might feel a bit better .12 April 2020 at 11:17 am #38866
I can imagine it did and must be heartbreaking for you. Try and make use of the friends that you do have, Im sure they would be happy to sit and listen to you and help in any way they can,as I’m sure a lot of people in this group would.
I know it’s really hard but you have to try and stop dwelling on the situation and this won’t do your mental health any good.
Even though we could be all stuck indoors for a few more weeks start planning your future, use the internet to get an idea about the house etc and what your are going to do after lockdown. Also think about doing online courses or something like that as it will keep your mind off of the bad stuff and make you feel good about learning and achieving new things.
There really is light at the end of the tunnel.12 April 2020 at 11:27 am #38867
My mental health wasn’t that good a few years back I was on antidepressants for about 4 yrs , Iv been of them for about 18 month I just don’t want to go down that road again , she has always dealt with all the finances so she knows where every penny goes I just don’t want come of screwed over , if she stays here we would have to remortgage and pay of the debts then she can try keep the house in her name so the kids can stay here and hopefully I can find something close too .12 April 2020 at 12:56 pm #38869
That’s why you must talk about your feelings to try and help you through this time, always hear to listen if you need to chat, just pm me.
make sure whatever decisions are made regarding the house and things you do together so that she doesn’t screw you over and make sure you get advice before agreeing to anything.13 April 2020 at 2:48 am #38884
I’ve been there – your world suddenly collapses & you feel like you’re going mad with so much to consider & wondering what on earth you’re going to do & how you’re gonna deal with it all. But you’re going to be alright – it’s going to be tough but you will get through it.
I think it helps to realise that you don’t have to sort everything out all at once right now. At the moment you’re in panic mode, but you need to take your time. You have a lot of emotions to process. Trying to make decisions about the house & finances & nitty gritty stuff is best left til you’re over the initial shock. It took me 6 months to even decide on the best way forward with my home, & we both continued to live in it until then – not easy but necessary. You can’t rush important decisions. Make a list of things you need to sort out. Write down different options & scenarios you could consider. Ask her to give you all the paperwork so you can see what bills are being paid, what money’s in the bank, how much you owe to who. What are your assets? You need the full picture. Do your research & put yourself in the best position to make sure you can reach a fair settlement.
And of course you’ll meet someone else at some point in the future if you want to – but don’t worry about that just yet! In the meantime there’s plenty of friends here with advice when you need it, or just a listening ear when you need to sound off – friends who know what you’re going through cos we’ve been there.
Hang in there & shout if u need help.13 April 2020 at 5:26 am #38887
5 years since i seperated with my ex, have two children also. For me personally, i never have got over it.. The first year after seperating i just felt numb about everything..I pushed away friends and family that wanted to help me, to a point they stopped trying. I now have nobody. I have days like today where i still cry at silly hours, cant sleep and feel lonely. Id say dont do what i did and talk to people. Dont look at the negatives, but think how lucky you are to be a father to your children because they are your number one, who you need to be strong for. You will break down, cry and feel like your world has ended but when i looked at my children they gave me the strength i needed to pick myself up and carry on for them. I hope you will be ok13 April 2020 at 8:22 am #38891
Hi thanks for the reply, at the minute the best part of the day is bed time where I can forget everything then I wake up and bang it hits me again knowing I’ve got to struggle through the day , I no as time passes and things start to get sorted it’ll get Easier but every time I think of the future it scares the sh.. out of me .13 April 2020 at 8:41 pm #38923
Hi Craig, I’m going through something similar, partner of 8 years and Mother to my 7 yr old daughter told me just before lockdown that she wants to separate – out of the blue and I am totally devastated. I just worry so much about my little girl, what access I will have, how she will take it etc etc (we are going to tell her this Saturday and my stomach is in knots already – have you told your children yet – how do you pan to, what will you say?).
I am early 50’s so less chance of me finding someone than you, your still a young’un 🙂
I am also really worried about the future though, I had my life sorted with my partner (in my head), gorgeous daughter, happy families and my world has just been turned upside down … 🙁
Everyone tell me time is a great healer, and things will work out, but thats no consolation at the moment is it13 April 2020 at 8:49 pm #38924
Hi I have no idea how to tell kids and like u it makes me feel sick to the stomach, she told me on day 1 of lockdown so I’m stuck here with her knowing she doesn’t love me and it’s so hard , I’m here same as you thought my future was set but a guess not.14 April 2020 at 11:31 am #38978
Hi everyone,I’m in the same circumstances,wife ended our relationship in January through text,blaming me for everything,the first month was my hardest,but it does get easier with time,the one thing that gets me through the day is seeing my 3 children happy,that’s my main priority,we still live in the same house,I sleep on the sofa,it’s not an ideal solution but I’m still around my kids,the worst part is when the soon to be ex wife sends me nasty text messages,which I ignore,I don’t have a lot of friends here as I moved from Australia in 2008 and all I was doing was working full time and being a house husband and dad14 April 2020 at 8:06 pm #38990
Sorry to hear that JS, and by text, horrible!
It must be difficult all around, with you still living there and on the sofa – I know what you mean about the kids, its the only thing I look forward to when I get in, her little laugh and companionship.
You seem like you are in limbo, much like me, cant feel able to move on at all until partner moves out, and that is not going to happen anytime son with Covid around 🙁
I have a few friends but not confided on any of them yet, can’t seem to find the right time to tell people 🙁
Feel free to Pm if you want to chat14 April 2020 at 8:51 pm #38994
Thanks for that Ian,we r in a similar boat,I’ve confided in only a selected few people,as she don’t want it out officially yet,but it’s ok for her to tell me how many guys are interested in her and organising dates on plenty of fish,she won’t let me tell the kids we r separating, and her mother texts me constantly saying I can’t sell the house until the kids are 18 so yeah I’m in limbo atm,but funny enough I’m a lot more happier in myself,all I want is to start fresh and be the best dad I can be, the fresh start will have to wait for now