Going round in circles!
2 January 2021 at 10:11 pm #47558
Hi everyone, and happy new year.
Not sure if I want advice, maybe I do.
I separated from my wife 18 months ago, felt relief at the time. We co parent well to a 3 year old boy. I see him Monday evenings, Tuesday overnight and Friday after work until Saturday evening. I would want more, as I think he would but I know I don’t do too badly.
I just feel I am going round in circles…clear about everything, then not! I don’t necessarily miss the marriage but I do miss my son like mad and have guilt for him – he is completely fine! He is happy, doing well at nursery, settled on drop offs and lives a great life! Yet I guilt myself the fact he doesn’t have a sibling or the fact We miss out on eachother.
I suppose I miss the family aspect and I think Christmas just highlights that (especially Covid Christmas!)
Has anyone else felt the same? If so – how do you make sure you stay positive? I feel like I should be further down the line than this! Any help, sharing of experiences would be appreciated.
thanks3 January 2021 at 1:50 am #47563
I’m new to the forum and having been going through a traumatic separation since September 2019. I know how you feel and have been really struggling this holiday season too. I have three beautiful boys, 1 whom is 19 and independent and the other two are 6 and 12. My wife and I have recently managed a contact arrangement after she moved them without my consent from Scotland to Northern Ireland a day before the March lockdown. I’ve seen my boys a handful of times now but have to travel every month to see them for a week. We moved to Scotland from the US shortly before we separated and I’m on my own here. With COVID and the holidays, it’s been unbearable at times and I’ve been going back and forth constantly, missing the family I had and just not being able to see my boys every day.
You’re not alone with your thoughts and all we can do is keep looking ahead and be there as much as possible for our children. I find structuring my days and filling them with as much things to do as possible helpful (even though this can be hard with COVID). I’m hopeful that time will heal and take away the pain of not having the family as we knew it and it will give way to new opportunities and things we can’t even see yet.5 January 2021 at 10:12 pm #47634
Hmm.I’ve been in a similar situation…for many years now.
I never stop feeling guilty even though living this way was not my choice.But I reckon most parents feel guilty about something or other,bc we want our kids to have good ,happy lives – the way we planned it.In the long run we have no idea what’s good for us in the big pic anyway so let’s stop the guilt where possible.I had 4 kids under 7 when my worse half walked out on us & I never thought I’d make it thru till the next day!I felt absolutely terrible for them.Funny thing is it’s usually the ones who do the best they can & give it all theyv got who feel guilt.I find when it comes to holiday season I start comparing and that just finishes me off.When I just keep putting one foot forward & keep moving & doing my thing I’m ok.Helpful to bear in mind there is no ‘ideal’.
Even more helpful I find to look around & i realize there are ppl who have it worse.
And there’s always gna be doubts,second thoughts etc.Your definitely in good company there🤔
Living in the moment helps as well.Hoping it gets easier this year.