Getting through separation

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  • #7515 Report

    Cece
    Participant

    Hello, I’m new here. I am gonna separate soon. From when my child was born (8 months ago) me and the father only  had problems. I don’t know how to move in this situation. I’m not from the UK but I’ve been living and working here for the past 5 1/2 years.

    I can’t rent a new place as I’m going back to work form maternity next week and I am on a 16h contract (per week), I explained the situation to my manager but he didn’t agree in giving me 30h contract. I really need to move, I can’t bear to live with my husband anymore. He won’t move and even if he did I would not be able to pay the rent. I was thinking to go back to my Country where all my family is but I feel guilty to take the child away from the father. He even told me that if I leave the house he won’t come and pick up our son when I have to work (nice as always). I was looking for a faqs page but I couldn’ find it. I appreciate any help. Thank you

    #7528 Report

    Roses
    Moderator

    Hi Cecilia

    Thanks for posting your story on the forum, I hope other forum users can support you.

    We have lots of information about separating on the Gingerbread website which may help.

    The Gingerbread helpline can also advise on your options, 0808 802 0925

    Take care

    Rose (Gingerbread)

    #7531 Report

    Shelby
    Participant

    Hi,

    Sorry to hear of your situation. I too have an 8 month old, but am living separate from the father.

    To be honest with you, it sounds like you are getting no support from your husband or work.

    For me I would look to move closer to family and have the support you so need.

    Your husband sounds like a bit of a bully just like my ex.

    I think you should get solicitors advice, you can normally get first meeting free of charge.

    best of luck

     

    #8014 Report

    Cece
    Participant

    Hello Michelle,

    Thank you for the reply, I spoke to my family and speaking about the situation in my Country they advise me to find another solution.

    There is no job where I come from and I wouldn’t be able to give a proper future to my son like I could here. Plus the news is that husband said “if I want, you don’t go anywhere with him, do you know that? I can stop you from going anywhere with him”.

    And he is so smart because in the messages he send me he keeps asking forgiveness but when he talks to me he says all these things.

     

    #8154 Report

    Jasminumgirl
    Participant

    Hi Cecilia

    just to let tou know im in very similar situation…since my little one was born my my marriage is just one big mistake

    it wasn’t great for most of the time but since I have little one I just want happy life for her without anybody telling me all the time how bad I am with everything I do …how stupid,lazy I am etc

    and just like you I’m not from uk,but since I’m here I’m working hard and never ever ask uk government for help with anything

    just like you I have all my family far away from me…

    I would like to start my new life here as it my home for past 7 years …

    but don’t  really know where to start …we are still at the same address, we have mortgage together, we are paying all bills half/half and he is not paying me anything to wards food or shopping for little one

    I have contacted hmrc and council and what they are saying is I won’t get any help at all as his income is so high…and if you’re trying to apply for benefits household income matter…

    council house … I do have 0 points for every single thing… as I’m home owner…

    i can’t afford private rent as I’m earning not enough to afford it and to much to get help with rent ( I’m on 26h / part time/ 16 000 income)

    thats my story … I just feel hopeless and stuck and whatever way I turn instead of getting help or advice I’m getting slap and more question marks …

    feel so bad as I never ever for those 7 years claimed penny from government,I was always working full time hours ( with overtime) paying all my bills and taxes and now when I’m needing a help … all I see is people’s back

     

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