Getting over my husband leaving us for another woman

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Sophie 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #5808 Report

    Sophie
    Participant

    Hello!

    i am really struggling at the minute. Nearly 4 months ago my husband told me he was seeing someone else and just left! He told me it was only texting and meeting for coffee and had been going on for a few weeks. It turns out it was a hell of a lot more and hell of a lot longer (exactly how long I have no clue!)

    anyway, I took him back for around a week but I was finding it so hard. So he went to stay with his sister. We have been seeing each other and he’s been coming to see our 3 girls daily. And I honestly thought we were building a new relationship. Turns out he has never stopped seeing this girl who has been quite nasty to myself through malicious calls and messages and apparently is obsessed with my husband.

    He wont even sit down and talk to me! We have been together 17 years and I am totally devastated!! Our family home, he needs to live in as it comes with his job so me and my children have to leave. We have said we will move after Christmas but it’s all so difficult. Has anyone been through anything similiar? How did you cope? I want to just curl up in ball and hide from the world – I am so down! Any advice would be appreciated.

     

    thanks for reading x

    #5873 Report

    Jay
    Participant

    Hi,

    My husband did the same,I found pics said she sent them,then I discovered texts and calls he left he said for space,to be with a male friend he worked with,he came almost daily to see our son and my girls which he treated as his own,I then found out 5 months later he’d been on holiday with this girl to Turkey and was living with her well moved in with her and her parents and brother ha ha,it’s only now through social media that I’ve found there was no name friend he left for her,he’s still there 18 months on,he doesn’t see kids anymore and walked out of his job to avoid maintenance, I was devastated at first in fact it took me 7 months to pull myself together,to realise I did nothing wrong,it was all his choice,showing he actually had no respect or real love for me,his excuses was all bull ,I then realised that I was worth so much more so we’re my kids,I’d done enough crying,he simply wasn’t worth it,

    It’s so hard,especially if you have to leave,can he buy you out,or give you half of what your home is worth?surely he has to provide a roof over his children’s head,this is my second divorce,first husband didn’t leave for 11 months my solicitor said he had to provide a roof for his daughters,good luck xx

    #6051 Report

    Sophie
    Participant

    Hi Jay.

    thanks for replying. We live in a house which comes as part of my husbands job. Luckily we had a house and rented it out. It’s that house that I will be moving back to although my girls life is here, their home is here! They have never lived in the house we will be moving into. Also our whole life, furniture is here! I basically have to start again. If I’m honest, it’s the whole situation that I’m struggling with. I feel like someone has ripped the carpet from under our feet and I’m struggling to get back up again. It’s like my whole adult life has been a lie – I don’t even know who he is anymore. I think he may quit his job when we move out and then move in with his tart and then I fear his kids will slowly move their way down his list of priorities too!

    Im such a rollercoaster of emotions, I just need to see that light at the end of the dark tunnel.

     

    Thanks for taking the the time to reply – I appreciate it x

    #6158 Report

    red23
    Participant

    I’ve been experiencing something similar. Emotionally, it gets pretty bleak sometimes… What has kept me going has been making more time for old friends; asking trusted friends about their relationships; enjoying the small pleasures in life (music, sunrises, perfume, etc.); hugging my kids, who really need that too; sleep and excercise.

    #6159 Report

    red23
    Participant

    PS- I started off so ashamed, but that will only silence you, which makes it worse. It takes a bit if courage, but it’s better to tell people what you are going through. Let people be kind to you and you will experience gratitude for their support, which will make you feel so much better.

    #6165 Report

    Jay
    Participant

    Hi,

    As time has gone on I’ve discovered more and more,I used to look at our wedding album and general pics of us and cry,now I look and think did he really ever love me,was he always going to cheat,someone I used to work with told me her daughter had caught him in the cellar at his work at it with another female year after we married,it makes you question everything,I didn’t eat when he first left and spent every day crying,she too was awful to me in texts calls,and only today I looked at her instagram and she’s made it private she has pics of him and her,that’s how I knew they were together before he said,I just think if he can lie to my face to the kids he’s not the man I married I’m not even sure I ever truly knew him,I thought I did but that man promised to love me forever,he still told me he loved me and only me when I knew they were together,I foolishly let him in my bed still,told her but she said I should stay out of her relationship and stop trying to split them up he was hers not mine??excuse me he was my husband,she knew that when she met him,so no morals no standard I knew I was better off out of it,my children deserved better,we are now divorced but he won’t sign the clean break,still trying to control me,still not seen his son,it will get better,you are worth so much more x

    #6178 Report

    Sherina
    Participant

    When a man has left a decent woman to hook up  with trash and have experimental sex it is very hard to get them to come back to you. It’s like a drug and it’s nothing but lust which will never last.

     

    #6183 Report

    Vipin
    Participant

    Hello. I am going through a similar situation. I discovered just 3 months ago that my husband was having a “friendship” with a woman, same old, he said it was a friend he was very fond of (huh?!) and that it was only texting. Then he just lied over and over, I was the one finding all the information. Turns out he has been in a relationship with this woman for almost a year, he stayed with her during the half term in October (when I was away with the kids, he took advantage of that!), lying and lying. Then I discovered this woman works in the same place he works and has even put my children to have lunch with her! He left 2 weeks ago, apparently living with his sister but then I discovered that he is already going on holidays with this woman, her kids, and his family. He lied saying nobody in his family knew, it turns out all of them knew and are playing happy families. He is even considering taking my kids! In your case, I think it will come to an end, especially if she is phoning you, it may be just lust and the “excitement” of doing what she is doing. In my case, unfortunately, is more and he is gone for good with her. I think, there’s a chance that your husband will come to his senses, just because of the way that another woman is behaving. On the advice, well… it’s very tough, I completely understand you. I basically cry every day and I think the more you cry the more you may heal. If you feel down and hide from the world, then do some hours of that, cry a lot but then try hard to stand up and plan the life ahead. It is difficult but I feel is the first step. I am doing that, I cry a lot every night, then sleep a lot and next day up to face the future. Try (it is difficult) to still believe that things will turn out well, somehow. Do you want to keep your husband? I won’t have my one back that’s for sure, this other woman won that battle and I am exhausted with how much I tried to convince him to stay with us, so for me is not going back. Is he definitely continuing the relationship with the other one? Because my husband is definitely into his new relationship. Maybe you have a window of opportunity if he has not confirmed for sure he wants to be with that woman.

    #33257 Report

    Newbeginnings24
    Participant

    Hi Sophie,

    my husband did the exact same 5 months ago. I am now living with my parents (my choice) with our 3 year old daughter. Our house has just sold and he is living with his parents. I stayed in the home for 4 months and couldn’t be there any longer.

    All I can say is it does get better, which a million people told me day in day out at the beginning. And I still roll my eyes if they say it now. But I am much better than I was and have accepted that this is not a reflection on me and he has made a decision he will have to no doubt deal with in time.

    I don’t know, but you will have rights regarding your home and financial situation. Have you seen a solicitor to seek clarification on this? You might feel overwhelmed to do this right now, but knowledge brings power. Maybe appoint one of your close friends or family member to help you and they can attend the appointment to support you.

    I am under no illusion that I have more difficulties to face, until we are legally divorced. He will be forever in my daughters life and I am hoping in time I will be able to just roll my eyes at him and it water off a ducks back. But like you, it’s so raw right now and everything my husband did following the day he left has just added to his betrayal.

    I am part of another online support group that really helped me in the early days and is still supporting me now. It’s full of like minded people and has lots of resources on there to help you focus on you and your children. It’s call surviving infidelity. There are woman and men all over the world who access it and they’re great. I mainly have private messages from/to woman who i have struck a bond with.

    <strong style=”box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial, ‘Helvetica Neue’, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.559999465942383px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future. 

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