Getting over my husband leaving us for another woman

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  • #5808 Report

    xxx
    Participant

    Hello!

    i am really struggling at the minute. Nearly 4 months ago my husband told me he was seeing someone else and just left! He told me it was only texting and meeting for coffee and had been going on for a few weeks. It turns out it was a hell of a lot more and hell of a lot longer (exactly how long I have no clue!)

    anyway, I took him back for around a week but I was finding it so hard. So he went to stay with his sister. We have been seeing each other and he’s been coming to see our 3 girls daily. And I honestly thought we were building a new relationship. Turns out he has never stopped seeing this girl who has been quite nasty to myself through malicious calls and messages and apparently is obsessed with my husband.

    He wont even sit down and talk to me! We have been together 17 years and I am totally devastated!! Our family home, he needs to live in as it comes with his job so me and my children have to leave. We have said we will move after Christmas but it’s all so difficult. Has anyone been through anything similiar? How did you cope? I want to just curl up in ball and hide from the world – I am so down! Any advice would be appreciated.

     

    thanks for reading x

    #5873 Report

    Jay
    Participant

    Hi,

    My husband did the same,I found pics said she sent them,then I discovered texts and calls he left he said for space,to be with a male friend he worked with,he came almost daily to see our son and my girls which he treated as his own,I then found out 5 months later he’d been on holiday with this girl to Turkey and was living with her well moved in with her and her parents and brother ha ha,it’s only now through social media that I’ve found there was no name friend he left for her,he’s still there 18 months on,he doesn’t see kids anymore and walked out of his job to avoid maintenance, I was devastated at first in fact it took me 7 months to pull myself together,to realise I did nothing wrong,it was all his choice,showing he actually had no respect or real love for me,his excuses was all bull ,I then realised that I was worth so much more so we’re my kids,I’d done enough crying,he simply wasn’t worth it,

    It’s so hard,especially if you have to leave,can he buy you out,or give you half of what your home is worth?surely he has to provide a roof over his children’s head,this is my second divorce,first husband didn’t leave for 11 months my solicitor said he had to provide a roof for his daughters,good luck xx

    #6051 Report

    xxx
    Participant

    Hi Jay.

    thanks for replying. We live in a house which comes as part of my husbands job. Luckily we had a house and rented it out. It’s that house that I will be moving back to although my girls life is here, their home is here! They have never lived in the house we will be moving into. Also our whole life, furniture is here! I basically have to start again. If I’m honest, it’s the whole situation that I’m struggling with. I feel like someone has ripped the carpet from under our feet and I’m struggling to get back up again. It’s like my whole adult life has been a lie – I don’t even know who he is anymore. I think he may quit his job when we move out and then move in with his tart and then I fear his kids will slowly move their way down his list of priorities too!

    Im such a rollercoaster of emotions, I just need to see that light at the end of the dark tunnel.

     

    Thanks for taking the the time to reply – I appreciate it x

    #6158 Report

    red23
    Participant

    I’ve been experiencing something similar. Emotionally, it gets pretty bleak sometimes… What has kept me going has been making more time for old friends; asking trusted friends about their relationships; enjoying the small pleasures in life (music, sunrises, perfume, etc.); hugging my kids, who really need that too; sleep and excercise.

    #6159 Report

    red23
    Participant

    PS- I started off so ashamed, but that will only silence you, which makes it worse. It takes a bit if courage, but it’s better to tell people what you are going through. Let people be kind to you and you will experience gratitude for their support, which will make you feel so much better.

    #6165 Report

    Jay
    Participant

    Hi,

    As time has gone on I’ve discovered more and more,I used to look at our wedding album and general pics of us and cry,now I look and think did he really ever love me,was he always going to cheat,someone I used to work with told me her daughter had caught him in the cellar at his work at it with another female year after we married,it makes you question everything,I didn’t eat when he first left and spent every day crying,she too was awful to me in texts calls,and only today I looked at her instagram and she’s made it private she has pics of him and her,that’s how I knew they were together before he said,I just think if he can lie to my face to the kids he’s not the man I married I’m not even sure I ever truly knew him,I thought I did but that man promised to love me forever,he still told me he loved me and only me when I knew they were together,I foolishly let him in my bed still,told her but she said I should stay out of her relationship and stop trying to split them up he was hers not mine??excuse me he was my husband,she knew that when she met him,so no morals no standard I knew I was better off out of it,my children deserved better,we are now divorced but he won’t sign the clean break,still trying to control me,still not seen his son,it will get better,you are worth so much more x

    #6178 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    When a man has left a decent woman to hook up  with trash and have experimental sex it is very hard to get them to come back to you. It’s like a drug and it’s nothing but lust which will never last.

     

    #6183 Report

    Vipin
    Participant

    Hello. I am going through a similar situation. I discovered just 3 months ago that my husband was having a “friendship” with a woman, same old, he said it was a friend he was very fond of (huh?!) and that it was only texting. Then he just lied over and over, I was the one finding all the information. Turns out he has been in a relationship with this woman for almost a year, he stayed with her during the half term in October (when I was away with the kids, he took advantage of that!), lying and lying. Then I discovered this woman works in the same place he works and has even put my children to have lunch with her! He left 2 weeks ago, apparently living with his sister but then I discovered that he is already going on holidays with this woman, her kids, and his family. He lied saying nobody in his family knew, it turns out all of them knew and are playing happy families. He is even considering taking my kids! In your case, I think it will come to an end, especially if she is phoning you, it may be just lust and the “excitement” of doing what she is doing. In my case, unfortunately, is more and he is gone for good with her. I think, there’s a chance that your husband will come to his senses, just because of the way that another woman is behaving. On the advice, well… it’s very tough, I completely understand you. I basically cry every day and I think the more you cry the more you may heal. If you feel down and hide from the world, then do some hours of that, cry a lot but then try hard to stand up and plan the life ahead. It is difficult but I feel is the first step. I am doing that, I cry a lot every night, then sleep a lot and next day up to face the future. Try (it is difficult) to still believe that things will turn out well, somehow. Do you want to keep your husband? I won’t have my one back that’s for sure, this other woman won that battle and I am exhausted with how much I tried to convince him to stay with us, so for me is not going back. Is he definitely continuing the relationship with the other one? Because my husband is definitely into his new relationship. Maybe you have a window of opportunity if he has not confirmed for sure he wants to be with that woman.

    #33257 Report

    Newbeginnings24
    Participant

    Hi Sophie,

    my husband did the exact same 5 months ago. I am now living with my parents (my choice) with our 3 year old daughter. Our house has just sold and he is living with his parents. I stayed in the home for 4 months and couldn’t be there any longer.

    All I can say is it does get better, which a million people told me day in day out at the beginning. And I still roll my eyes if they say it now. But I am much better than I was and have accepted that this is not a reflection on me and he has made a decision he will have to no doubt deal with in time.

    I don’t know, but you will have rights regarding your home and financial situation. Have you seen a solicitor to seek clarification on this? You might feel overwhelmed to do this right now, but knowledge brings power. Maybe appoint one of your close friends or family member to help you and they can attend the appointment to support you.

    I am under no illusion that I have more difficulties to face, until we are legally divorced. He will be forever in my daughters life and I am hoping in time I will be able to just roll my eyes at him and it water off a ducks back. But like you, it’s so raw right now and everything my husband did following the day he left has just added to his betrayal.

    I am part of another online support group that really helped me in the early days and is still supporting me now. It’s full of like minded people and has lots of resources on there to help you focus on you and your children. It’s call surviving infidelity. There are woman and men all over the world who access it and they’re great. I mainly have private messages from/to woman who i have struck a bond with.

    <strong style=”box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial, ‘Helvetica Neue’, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.559999465942383px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future. 

    #37725 Report

    Rachgiani
    Participant

    I’m going through the same thing, we have been together for 6 years but de denied cheating, I knew he’d been talking to this girl from work and 2 months ago he left saying he was depressed and couldn’t take my jealousy anymore, 2 weeks later I found out he had booked a hotel and it was her, two weeks ago I hacked into his emails and found out he was cheating, he has been spending lots of money on her and even taking out loans. I am devastated, I wake up in the night screaming and crying because I can’t believe he would hurt me so much, and he wants to see his kids less and less and his family are saying its normal and that is what most dads do, I want to run away it just hurts. I think only time can heal but I understand your pain, I haven’t felt so many emotions at once but I have so much rage inside I’ve never felt like this before!!

    #37741 Report

    Dorota
    Participant

    I have been married for 14 years and our life was always a bit of a rollercoaster. He has been always interested in other women more than me, always gaslighting me and belittling me for my jealousy. And despite his denials, that he has no woman, he has already moved on with a 16 years younger girl.

    I have no family around. I have been depressed for years spiralling down and isolating from people. I have two boys aged 13 and 11. Just to let you know ladies you are not alone.

    #38549 Report

    Freeaxy88
    Participant

    It really saddens me to read how many men do this, my husband included!

    Together 11 years, our own home, 2 beautiful girls and 2 lovely dogs.

    He proposed just after our youngest was born a d married a year later.

    Around 12 months after the wedding I found out a woman he works with had been messaging him, he assured me it was all her and he had put a stop to it, she was aware of him having a wife and children.

    His behaviour gradually got worse. Staying out overnight, going pubs and clubs a lot, with his friends he claimed! After a heated row and me expressing how lonely I felt being pretty much a single mother running the house on my own he text me the next morning from work to say he was unhappy, needed space and was going to live at his mums.

     

    Fast forward 6 months, he is in a relationship with this same woman and has introduced her to our children.

    It’s just over a year since he left and it’s slowly getting easier but it’s going to take a long time. I still have very sad days. Be kind to yourself x

    #38554 Report

    Beckyjo
    Participant

    I do hope you are Okay.

    Marital breakdown is a really difficult time, when you feel as if someone has just picked up your life, torn it into pieces and thrown them up in the air. So pleased be reassured that it is perfectly normal to feel as devastated as you do at the moment.

    I was in this position about ten years ago and it does get better (blimey it doesn’t take 10 years either!!) However until you are stronger I would advise finding the money for a lawyer just to relieve some of the emotional and practical pressure that can sometimes feel as if it if raining down non-stop. It was the best advice I got from one of my brothers. It is expensive, but I’d say worth it, at first, for support. A savvy friend also told me to estimate the amount of money at stake from the get-go  and to make sure that I kept meetings with the lawyer and disputes with my ex  to a level that was commensurate with that – you just have to be sensible. And when you feel stronger, go a more solo with any negotiations.

    Every day you will regain control of your life again  bit by bit and feel stronger. And don’t let your ex hurry you into decisions. take your time . There is a lot at stake here, partic as he is telling you that you and his children have to move.

    More practically, my other brother told me to get my groceries delivered. This was also great advice , but good luck with that one in the crazy corona lockdown!!

    Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time and space to deal with all of this. You’ll get there – you’ve got this!!

    #39343 Report

    Ginger83
    Participant

    I can really resonate with the hurt you feel….ive never felt pain like it. I was married for 12 years and together for 16. We have two children 7 and 10. I did not see anything. He was telling me he was unhappy and depressed, why, I don’t know. We got on well, no arguments and a good life. But after tracking him to a hotel I then understood why. He was meeting and speaking to an old work colleague and clearly she was making him feel a way in which I couldn’t. I mean after 16 years things change. After counselling and pouring my guts out and begging him to stay he just didn’t want to try anymore. After separating for one week they became “official”. This absolutely killed me. I just can’t function and find myself totally consumed. I just don’t know how I can continue. I look at my children for strength but some days even this isn’t enough. I’m sad all of the time. Please help.

     

     

     

    #39345 Report

    Family Time
    Participant

    Wow , so many heart breaking real life situations , I sadly too was betrayed by my husband in January 2020 he hasn’t had contact with our little girls they are 5 and 6 he’s telling everyone I won’t let him near them when in reality IV begged him to see them . IV stopped now it has got me no where it’s it’s distroying I cry over everything he is surrounded by women and their kids now dating a lady with four kids it’s so disrespectful towards our 8 year marriage and daughters but these men have no heart they think with what’s in their trousers and attach themselves to anyone who buys their bullshit I wish I had answers for some of you but sadly am I finding life tough myself I feel worthless and useless I can’t sleep at night and worry all the time I’m not good enough for our girls but then one will say I love you mummy and it brings me back down to earth with out me they have no one massive virtual hug to all who need one 💖

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