Gaslighting at its worse!

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  • #29474 Report

    dragonfly83
    Participant

    Hi I’m new here , I’m a mum to 4 children I separated from my husband 6 weeks ago. After years of constantly going round in circles – if i cast my opinion he sees that as having “a go” at him. When i state i am unhappy about something that to is also having a go at him. I’m not allowed to speak – he claims he doesn’t do date nights or intimacy because of my “behaviour” ….so basically I don’t get nice things if I’m a naughty girl and because I realised i was been abused and ended this – its all my fault . Of course i have my faults and I’m happy to admit this. He on the other hand claims absolutely zero fault.

    We are still living in the same house , he still supports me financially but to be honest I don’t want it. Ive got myself a job , he is in between contract so cant afford to move out – he claims he wants to support me fianancially yet clams up if i ask for cash

    My youngest son is with him – my oldest 3 are from yet another abusive marriage – I’m 35 and on my 2nd divorce , im a mess . Im constantly beating myself up – I don’t know what my rights are

    I don’t know what help is out there

    I’m so alone

    please don’t judge

    #29476 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I doubt anyone on here will judge.

    Your ex sounds really controlling. As you say, you are 35, and at 35 you are entitled to have your opinions respected. You definitely don’t need that level of gaslighting.

    Living apart in the same house is difficult. Stay safe.

    #29479 Report

    dragonfly83
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your reply

    no it’s not easy at all

    he is currently away on a “business trip”

    whatever !

    I’m just learning to be tough – I can’t let another man bully me ever again

    #29588 Report

    14Fi
    Participant

    http://www.idas.org.uk

    National helpline if you are not in local area, but they offer lots of support. Also, freedom programme, can order book.

    Wishing you a bright future.

    #29593 Report

    Flynn1994
    Participant

    Your doing everything you can make appointment with a family lawyer see what rights you have Hun only advice I can give is keep focusing on you x

    #29651 Report

    Jessikat
    Participant

    Hi, I’ve just separated from my partner of 10 years who sounds very similar and is still trying to control aspects of my life through my two boys (6 & 7). We shared the same home while going through a lengthy legal process over the equity in our home, which was truly soul destroying to say the least! A family solicitor really helped me and is a great place to start. Counselling also really helped me put his behaviour in to perspective and although he’d spent our entire relationship transferring the blame to me, counselling helped me to reset what I’d come to believe. I accessed counselling through work which you may be able to do to or you can go through your GP too if you think this is something that could help you.  The other thing I did (which you may have done already) is see what benefits are available to you in your ‘new life’ once you’ve separated the finances and moved on. At one point I also sought advice from Refuge who were really helpful when his behaviour got out of control  at the beginning of the legal process. Hopefully you’ll have a different journey.

    Lastly, some of the best advice I was given at the beginning was to establish my support network (you may have done this too). Think about the close friends, family, good colleagues and professionals (like your solicitor and counsellor if you go that route) that you can draw on at different times for different things and this will be your tribe for getting you through….and you’ll very soon realise you’re not alone at all.

    Hope this helps.

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