Furloughed father.. Son starts school in September advice please.. childcare?

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  • #41661 Report


    Hi there , hope you can help I am a father of a three-year-old son who is my world.

    I have been furloughed off work since March and up until  till today June I have spent an average 17 overnights a month with him at my home which has been absolutely fantastic. I work shifts Up until The furloughed  6-2  and 2-10 alternating weeks. I live 7 mins walk from my ex wife and 7 mins from his school and nursery I moved to be close to him. I live 20 mins drive from my workplace. Unfortunately my ex-wife doesn’t seem to want to work with me .

    As the issue that I have is she calls all the shots she plans when I should see my son she dictates ,  majority of the time it is quite flexible but all in her favour, hence I was amazed I could spend 17 nights on average each of these past months.

    My son will be 4 in September she has totally cut down the time I spend with him to simply whilst I’m now off work. Saying she is trying to get him into a routine. The new routine is ..One full day on a Monday With her picking him up at 430pm and one evening on a Wednesday overnight with me picking him up then I take him to nursery next day Thursday  I have him every other weekend Friday – Monday. I take him football practice on a Sunday morning 930am – 1015am regardless if it’s her weekend or mine.

    I have mentioned that I’m not looking forward to September as I’ll be back at work I hope 🤞 and mentioned ideally i would like shared care 50/50 or as close to as possible. It’s not ideal with my shifts but if I could I think I could flex time or change jobs…I mentioned this and she will not budge saying it’s not in his best interests . She is pregnant by her new partner and living with him baby due December she didn’t tell me found out from son .. should my child maintenance be any different now they live together with my son and expecting a baby.

    I’m a good dad that simply wants to see his son more and fairly.
    Previous to lockdown I saw my son after a 6-2 shift on a Monday when my grandparents had him or hers  and had for Tea on a Wednesday and then saw him Friday Sat Sunday overnight.

    2-10 was at his grandparents so I saw him 8am – 1pm then went to work on a Monday then saw him Wednesday morning 730am till 1 pm and took him to preschool then went to work …then the rest of week he was with her up until the rota starts again Monday.

    have you any thoughts to September as close to 50/50 care what best would be fair what hours best 9/5 what flexibility I could ask my boss and even if not what could I do on the above 6-2 2-10 shifts when I start work September and he starts school. I’m open to all options even a new job! Just want to see my little boy grow up and be around him.
    All ideas welcome x thank you

    #41678 Report


    Have you ever thought about going to mediation along with your son’s mother?

    She really shouldn’t be dictating when you can see your son, especially as you seem to be trying to be actively involved in your son’s life.  She might think it is in his best interests, but it might not be?

    If you go to mediation, an impartial person can help you both agree the best way forward and it’s easier to have a conversation with someone who is not involved and can hopefully help you both see it from both sides.

    Also, they might be able to help you personally with the financial side of things.


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