Fulltime dad ,

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  • #10147 Report

    Fulltimedad82
    Participant

    Hi iam a fulltime dad and have been for nearly 9 years and its been the best thing ever but so challenging and very emotionally draining , there is no mum at all no other grandparents but mine so all responsibility lies with my mum she is 65 but still young for her age , and without her it would not work .I work in construction and love my job money is good but its long hours weekends etc overtime , i suppose what i wana no is where does a break come from every angle i try feels restricted i feel i have no time for myself to go gym or swim etc just pop out for a pint with a mate i feel very isolated alone really. iam a great dad and my son is amazing he is very happy boy but sometimes i just miss being me , ive had relationships not to long but they had kids but there children were with the other parent my son is always with me and it does cause problems of course you want a bit of adult time together , if i want some time its my mum i ask to look after him but she does that all week so its hard plus they are very against me being a bloke from time to time having beers at the pub watching football etc i suppose iam 36yr and feel very trapped my son does not go without i am always up early at weekends doing lovely things i do find iam knackered as up early all week but when night time comes and he asleep i feel like thats my little bit of time and i miss social life friends etc , whatever i do i think of him everyway thats fine he is my world but i have very little support or friends anymore i just am missing being me sometimes  i have no other parent to share responsibility with my mum does enough but really she is like a childminder through the week for school , i also dont no any other single dads i feel.its just me

    #10153 Report

    Star12
    Participant

    Hi Fulltime dad,

    Let me start by saying what a wonderful job your doing! Being a single parent is the hardest job in the world and I’m just adjusting to that myself. It’s so easy to loose track of who you are and find anytime for yourself. My ex sees our eldest daughter once a week but not the youngest, so she is in tow with me wherever I go. I love them both deeply and they are my world but I literally don’t get 5mins to myself so can understand where you’re coming from. I’m starting to encourage their friends to sleepover hoping that the favour will be returned in the future but so far I’ve not managed to co-ordinate it so they both sleep out at the same time! Lol

    It’s so important that you take time for yourself, I know easier said than done. Can your son’s friends parents help you out at all?

    I can’t take you out for a pint and I know nothing about football but if you need a chat I’m here!

    #10157 Report

    Fulltimedad82
    Participant

    Thankyou for the messages , was so nice to hear of an understanding to the situation i dont get anyone to relate to , i guess there is loads of us single parents out there but you feel like the only one ha , random question but how do you feel on dating etc or are you like me and find no time for it , just a glass of wine and a takeaway for 1 on a saturday night loll

    #10158 Report

    H
    Participant

    Hi I totally understand how u feel I have 2 boys 8 and 12 there dad is still about but he doesn’t help or have them much. He has got them 1 week out of the 13 school holidays I also feel like I’m alone in this as he’s always letting them down it’s very hard on your own with work and running a house etc I have a night to myself every other Saturday but usually find that because all my friends have partner they don’t want to do anything I can’t remember last time I went out and am tonight but I feel guilty my mum is having them for me and I’m only going because it’s 1 of my oldest friends leaving drink and she’s moving away but I’ve already said I won’t be too long and I haven’t even gone yet lol.

    #10177 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Hello full time dad

    I can only sympathise as most of us are in the same position

    I work part time but I have Fridays to catch up on cleaning and shopping and my little one goes to school in September.

    It’s really hard when you have.no one to ask for help as my parents are no longer Alive

    1. So when my little one was 4 months old we joined a playgroup and met loads of dad’s and mums.  the church kept in touch with us although they knew I was not religious. They invite us to lunch and the easter celebrations was so.much fun for the kids.  I met a lovely lady there who comes and helps out with baby sitting. It’s not all the time as I have to pay her. Also it gets really lonely and I’m tired as it’s hard work bringing up an autistic child .It has got much easier as my daughter is improving and I have lots of help with planning her 4th party. Good luck
    #10196 Report

    MummyAndMarli
    Participant

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>Hello,</span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I am a lone parent with sole custody of my 6 year old daughter.  I feel your pain, It is relentless !!</span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I personally think it is vital to being a good parent that I work, learn, date and see friends (a lot of this i do with my daughter). </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>Here are some of the things I have done in 2017/18… not all will work for you but if just one does then fabulous </span><span style=”font-family: ‘Segoe UI Symbol’,’sans-serif’; mso-bidi-font-family: ‘Segoe UI Symbol’; color: black;”>😊</span><span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”> </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I reduced my working hours to allow me not to feel so guilty about not spending enough time with my daughter.. I am bank poor but soul rich. </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I joined every dating app going. My personal favourite is Bumble but loads more to choose from. </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I try to go on a date/s once-twice a month and arrange a night out with friends a bi monthly unless there is a celebration. </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I go to the gym in my lunch break (sometimes, I am not always good at this). </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I give my parents a small thank you gift (£1 daffodils in Salisbury’s at the moment) and ensure my daughter has spending money so its not a financial burden. I bet you mum loves having your boy ! </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>I try to invite friends over once every so often for a bottle of wine and pizza once my daughter in bed. maybe you could you invite friends over for football/boxing etc ?</span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>Try to remind myself daily that people actually like me and my daughter and that we are not a burden …. say yes to that offer of help or sleepover.    </span>

    <span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”>My life is far from perfect and I am still single so perhaps i should switch dating app’s </span><span style=”font-family: ‘Segoe UI Symbol’,’sans-serif’; mso-bidi-font-family: ‘Segoe UI Symbol’; color: black;”>😉</span><span style=”font-family: ‘Calibri’,’sans-serif’; color: black;”> but I finally feel like I have a good balance of Mum and Me. </span>

    #10830 Report

    Sarah
    Participant

    Hiya I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been more or less a full time mum for almost 9 years.  My ex is around but unfortunately my children don’t want to see him because of his behaviour, drinking etc so I’ve been looking after them without any support from him or any family for a long time now.   It is difficult and you feel like your life is not your own but in order to keep sane you have to put yourself first sometimes.  I make sure I go out once a month and let my hair down.  It’s not often enough but it’s better than nothing and it allows me to be me for the evening. My children have some school friends and I’ve got to know the parents over the years so when they invite them for a sleepover I do my best to find out if one of my friends are free. I only have a small friendship group so it’s not easy especially if they’ve been invited at the last minute but i do my best otherwise if I don’t get out I start feeling isolated and that’s not good for me or the children.    Having time to yourself is so important so grap it when you can. As my children have got order it’s allowed me to go to the gym or for a coffee for an hour or so and I’m gradually getting my freedom back.   Like you I’ve always put my children first but to look after them the best I can, I need to make sure I look after myself and if that means having a life too.  Don’t feel guilty, if you haven’t got your sanity you’re no good to anyone! Get out and enjoy yourself, life is short!

    #13390 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey if you ever get lonely I am up for having a chat. Being a single parent can be so isolating at times and lonely.

    Sounds like your doing an amazing job with your little boy though.

    #13391 Report

    ourproject
    Participant

    Hey buddy!

    You are not alone. I am a full time single dad to my 2 year old daughter. I also work full time and have no family support! I am based in West london near Heathrow – you?

     

    hang in there. I resonate with everything you’ve said. Parenting was always meant to be a two person blessing and now as single parents, we are both their Mom and Dad! My hope is to meet other single parents nearby with a view of reciprocal babysitting , even once a week!

     

    it can be tough, especially the super early morning wake ups ! (My fridge is now stocked with red bull! Lol).

    Get in touch – be great to strike up a conversation 👍

    #17101 Report

    Nayessa1950
    Participant

    Hey I know where you coming from it am also a single parent my child other parent comes and see her and where is your son mum

    #17102 Report

    Nayessa1950
    Participant

    Hey I know where you coming from i am also a single parent my child other parent comes and see her and where is your son mum. My child live with me

    #17103 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    It’s hard I know. My ex sees our son on a Sunday and has him one weekend in 7.

    I’ve no family nearby so I do everything, work full time  It can get v. lonely

    It is getting easier. 😊. My son is 10 so I make sure we go out together – pizza, swimming, karate. I haven’t dated in years though, no-one is going to settle for one weekend in 7,  I’m still working on that bit.

    Could you get involved in school football coaching at the weekend? They always want dads to help.  Or a local cycling club?  Your son is old enough to get involved and you would meet other dads.

     

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