Frustrated

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    J.harvey1966
    Participant

    I’m feeling teary & frustrated today.

    My ex took me to court during lockdown, an awful, demoralising experience but I thought at least he wouldnt be able to threaten me with it anymore.

    Now hes threatening joint custody if I so much as dare to question anything. I’m not surprised he thinks he’d get it as he got everything he wanted through the court. My personal statement that I spent 8 hours on was a waste of time I doubt it was even looked at. The judge hardly acknowledged me the whole time, it was humiliating.

    Now the ex lives in a tier 2 area & I am in a tier 1. I am also vulnerable but this apparently doesn’t matter. My children can go to his house & spend time in an area that has high covid cases then come back home to me who is vulnerable. I dont get it.

    He is of the opinion that covid is a hoax and I should shut up. I feel completely invisible as a mom like I dont count in society. I was completely discounted in court and now it’s happening again.

    How is it in my children’s best interest if they bring Corona virus home and I die & they’re left without a mom. That sounds dramatic I know but it is a real possibility. The risk is being increased by them visiting a tier 2 area.

    He could stay local with them of course and not go to his house, he has family locally but he will not even consider this.

    #44787 Report

    Ilya
    Participant

    If they are visiting a tier 2 place, they will be less likely to come into contact with infections due to the restrictions. They won’t be able to meet other people indoors, and outdoors its only groups of 6, if that helps to ease your worries. I do understand how frightening this is, I’m vulnerable too but not to the same degree as you I think (I have a chronic illness). Unfortunately this virus is going to be around for some time, and it’s not really feasible to restrict contact between children and one parent as no-one can say for certain how long this will last.

    It’s hard dealing with an ex who is not easy to talk to, and I’m going through the same thing in terms of if I try to change anything or express and opinion, I automatically get threatened with 50/50. 50/50 should never be a threat, it’s the gold standard for shared parenting but only when it’s suitable, otherwise a resident parent and another parent having contact works. I’m now in a position where he is demanding 50/50 in response to me attempting to move a short distance. Its hard to prove why you should remain the resident parent, but the courts are keen to keep children with what they are familiar with.

    If you can, try to discuss you fears with your ex, but look at how you word them. So maybe try ‘I’m really concerned about the children coming into contact with the virus due to my health being compromised, but I understand it’s important they see both of us and have as much normality as possible. Can we discuss ways that we can reduce the risk so that we can all stay safe?’. When you’re dealing with an ex who doesn’t like communication, keeping things very simple, without emotion that comes across as ‘in it together’ can be really effective. If you need to go back to court, you can also show how you’ve tried to compromise in a way to keep everyone safe and the children in their usual contact.

    The court is only concerned with what is best for the children, and whilst it’s completely true that the risks to you potentially contracting the disease and falling seriously ill would effect them, the actual risk of that is still relatively low and it’s a ‘what if’ scenario, rather than what the father was able to present which was a definite scenario ‘the children are not allowed to visit me and this impacts their relationship with me’. Stopping contact due to Covid is a really hot topic among separated parents, and the general rule of thumb is that contact should continue, but should a parent have concerns they should seek to resolve it with the other parent. Sadly, it seems you can not resolve it with him.

    You can of course appeal to the courts, but you’d need strong evidence that them visiting posses a very high, very real risk to your health and proof that your ex was not following the government mandated guidelines

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