16 August 2018 at 8:15 pm #14678
Hi all single parents! my name is Richard and yes I’m a newbie here, so I hope you gonna welcome me.
To summarise my story, I divorced in 2016 from an abusive 14 years marriage. I’ve sole custody of my two children (14years boy & 6years girl). It’s very rewarding bringing them up. Juggling a job and a fulltime study in the university throws a spanner in the works but my dependable childminder does a great job to fill in the void.
However, since the ex was abusive, she strained the few relationships that we had and left the children and I very isolated, and being from ethnic minority (black residing in wales) doesn’t help as we have no family in the UK. Fortunately the children have forged a few friends from school circles but the same can’t be said for me.
Therefore I extend a friendship request to anyone who is willing as for me to be a better dad for this children, I need to look after my emotional and social wellbeing. The abusive marriage has dented my self confidence in matters such as dating which is something I would like to be able to do in the future. Anyone willing can kindly respond via this forum and tag me so that I know they’ve responded to this message. I would appreciate chats, even meetups for dinner, drinks etc just so I don’t feel very isolated.
I’m sure many people find themselves in similar situations but speaking up and inviting people to one’s life is paramount.
Thank you all and look forward to your responses.
RICHARD16 August 2018 at 8:25 pm #14680
i left an abusive relationship also, I’m far from you in Kent but feel free to add me and message me. I’ve got some amazing friends I’m very lucky but it’s so very isolating when you become a single parent. All that keeps me going are my kids and my faith that things will get better.
id like to know if there are any local groups for single parents?16 August 2018 at 8:42 pm #14682
Firstly thanks a lot for your prompt response. Secondly, I do agree that abusive relationships can lead to people getting very isolated because abusers tend to strain existing relations to leave their victims isolated and under their control.
Don’t worry about the distance, where there’s will there’s way, and chatting like this really helps. Thanks for the kind and encouraging words. It’s amazing what humanity that we all share does to people, thank you.18 August 2018 at 10:45 pm #14768
I’m Kay, also new on here, also escaped 16 year abusive ex, trainee teacher and mum of 4. London based, black british. Happy to extend a hand of friendship. Stay positive, things will get better18 August 2018 at 11:37 pm #14771
Thanks kay, appreciate the encouragement .yeah am staying positive,this stuff happens to people not alliens😂.
We will navigate these waters. ..24 August 2018 at 3:55 pm #14950
This is a good thread to see that there are others in similar situations. I have 3 children, divorced due to domestic abuse 7 years ago. I now work full time and completed my uni degree last year. It is a challenge but we are setting a good example to our children and inspiring them for the future. It would be good to be in touch, I don’t let my situation define me but it still has an impact on me. Always happy for a chat 🙂
N24 August 2018 at 7:02 pm #14958
I’m here if you want to chat. I’m an abused Dad also – though she got the kids. PM anytime.25 August 2018 at 11:27 am #14984
Went to visit my brother and his family yesterday. When I fled from my abusive ex with the four children and begun the process of rebuilding and recovery, my brother was aware but not supportive at all. In fact I hadn’t seen him in over 3 years, but I felt it would be right fir my kids to spend time with their cousins. They were pleasant enough and as I looked around their 5 bedroom house, the two mercedes, their 21- year marriage, their 2 children that had all the opportunity you could wish for…I wondered where I’d gone wrong, why my life had been fraught with so much difficulty and challenge. I had to keep remininding myself that I had everything that mattered right there, 4 bright, happy healthy kids, a job, a home…but it was hard…really hard.25 August 2018 at 12:28 pm #14985
Sorry to hear that you’re having a difficult time.
Like you I left an abusive/controlling marriage and it’s taken me just over 3 years to start feeling better. It does take a lot of time.
As for isolation I know what you mean. I’m living in Kent but come from Cardiff, so all my family are back home.
I’ve made some really lovely friends through Gingerbread and I’m sure you will too.
Take care and have a great weekend25 August 2018 at 8:44 pm #14991
I can very much relate to what you’re saying, and admire your decision to take a deep breath and connect your children with their cousins.
Single parents have it hard, no question about it, often hard time leading to the separation/divorce and hard time afterwards making it work, often with very little. It is very tempting to look back and blame ourselves for decisions made in the past, building regrets, but it never leads anywhere. You could only do your best with the cards you’ve been dealt, and deciding to leave an abusive relationship is not easy, but you’ve done the right thing for yourself and your children, take heart in that and in all you’ve achieved since.
I know plenty of people with large houses and expensive houses that aren’t happy at all, and even more that, despite all they have, still look at others and focus on what they are yet to have. you’re doing the right thing reminding yourself that happiness lies in embracing what you have, not worrying about what you may have lost or have yet to achieve.26 August 2018 at 9:56 am #14998
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Much needed and much appreciated