Friends don’t understand

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  ChasingHappiness 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #33414 Report

    Mpv
    Participant

    ive just separated from my husband. End of October. I’m now filing for divorce on unreasonable grounds. I’ve been married 7 years. Together 9. However my friends 2 married and 1 single. Just don’t get how awful it is for me. They are both very well off, have the loves of their lives and so forth. I’m doing this all on my own. Have both kids 3 and 5 and then work full time. Dad currently only seeing them on Friday night. My friends husband is working away. So she thinks it’s like me. She only works part time. They don’t support me really. Just a few messages. But obviously they just don’t get it. I’m feeling resentful and hurt towards them. They have wonderful lives and mine has always been under their level. I don’t know anyone in my area who is going through a divorce but I feel I need some other advice?

    Just feeling so low and down about it all. I’m super lonely and ☹️.

    #33415 Report

    Sherina
    Participant

    We all go through stages where we resent people because we think that their lives are better . It’s human nature to get jealous especially when things are crap and we are fed up and want to escape. We look at their social networking page and think wow! These people are def living  the dream life and I’m  poor and have got these children to  care for . There is nothing for me and my life is over!

    You need to stop wasting your time on these people because they are not supporting you for whatever reason. You know friends come and go and I went through this too. Unfortunately you just learn the hard way and have to make the best of a bad situation and just get on with it.

    Go and do some voluntary work like food bank or crisis and you will see how unfortunate people’s lives are in the UK and how hard people are finding it to feed their kids and pay to have the heating on!

     

    #33416 Report

    Winnie7465
    Participant

    Hi Mpv

    Please try not to compare yourself to others, or If you do, try and think something to balance out the feelings.  Some people are very good at putting on a pretense to the outside world whereas the reality can be very different.   Feeling sad and lonely can be the worst especially at this time of year.  This is all so recent for you too so it all must be pretty raw.  Have you been able to talk to anyone about how you are feeling? I’ll be getting divorced sometime next year after being separated 18 months.  Hopefully you can get some support from this group.

    #33429 Report

    Mpv
    Participant

    I’m not really comparing  in all honesty. These friends have been from primary school so 30 years. So I feel like they haven’t been there or don’t know what to say?

    i don’t want to cut them off but feel that I need to distance myself from them so that they don’t hurt me more with a reaction or no reaction. I don’t have many friends at all. I need to find some new people who have been through divorce and so forth.

    Or I just need to man up and completely move on all aspects of my life.

     

    thanks for your responses.

    #33432 Report

    Kath
    Participant

    It is so so hard to go thru this and because your friends have never been where you are right now they will not understand but many many on here will understand the distress of it all. I have been where you are, I know what it is like. The best bit of advice I can give you is ride it thru, deal with whatever comes your way in the best way you know how, and know that this too will pass. It’s ok to feel fed up and lonely by the way but there is no way you should put yourself under the level of anyone at all, ever, so please stop doing that. xx

    #33484 Report

    Mpv
    Participant

    Wow thanks Anonymous, indeed I do need to get a grip and own my choice to divorce. However it wasn’t really a choice, the only way. As of sick leave and pay. I’ll only get statutory so I’ll go into arrears with mortgage, childcare etc. That’s not an option either. Also my job couldn’t be part time. I am in the process of applying for new ones.
    I wasn’t talking about heir posts on social media either. More reactions via group convo or lack of.
    thanks for your honesty though. I thought this was a safe space to ask for people’s opinions as like I said I don’t have anyone I know who has gone through this.
    I think from now on I’ll keep it all in or go through talking therapy like you suggested. I’ll def not post anything on here again that’s for sure.

    #33540 Report

    ChasingHappiness
    Participant

    In my experience, friends genuinely have the best intentions but they don’t understand because they’ve never been through it themselves. They don’t and won’t understand any of this until they have lived it. I felt the same way you did and have distanced myself from my friends, but I’m not sure it’s helped. I feel more lonely than I did before. I don’t really know what the answer is, but I am sure you’ll regret pushing them away (I know I do). X

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