For The Sake Of Our Child?

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  • #62536 Report

    James1977
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I’m new to this so excuse me if I rattle on.

    I’m a single father to my beautiful 6yr old son who I adore and love more than anything else in this world (that’s where the simplicity of my story ends). I’m increasingly frustrated that my ex wife would be only to happy if I wasn’t part of my sons life.  I have to fight for everything and everything is on her terms only. I work full-time, pay maintenance, see my son 1 day a week and 3 days every other weekend but still my ex does everything to tarnish the relationship I have with my son. I’m now in the process of going to court as my ex dictates everything when it comes to my son and even though she doesn’t work will never work with me always and only against me. Example: When I attempted to call and text my son as he had a toothache all I got was “Sorry i didn’t see your call, sorry I didn’t see your text and sorry I forgot to mention to ****** that you called”  Why oh why when all I’m trying to do is be a good Dad to our son – I don’t get it and it just makes me feel like this is how it will always be?  I haven’t met anyone since me and my wife separated (although she has) as all I live for is my boy. When he isn’t with me and as the days are getting shorter, the walls feel like there closing in on me.

    Why is being a good Dad so ruddy difficult?

    #62537 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    yes it is difficult. many are in the same boat as you, like myself. As you mention your going through courts, I would suggest to get more contact with your child as much you possibly can, like 50/50. you may want to get child for 1 week in Xmas, Easter holidays. 2-3 weeks in summer? try to ignore your ex, and just focus on having a wonderful time with your child when he is in your care.

    #62539 Report

    James1977
    Participant

    Hi Fella,

    Firstly, thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post.

    All I want is whats best for my son but my ex will always dig her heels in to give me less time with my son (Mainly because more time my sons with me the less money she receives).

    Thanks again fella.

     

    #62547 Report

    Bambi31
    Participant

    Hi there,

    So sorry to read your message, it’s really such a shame and doesn’t at all sound like your son’s needs are being put first.  I separated with my husband permanently fairly recently and as much as it pains me to be apart from my children, him too I’m sure, we share them 50/50 because that is what is best for them.

    Because things have been amicable (so far) for us I don’t really have any useful advice, but a friend had mediation previously as a way to try and agree arrangements with her ex (she was the opposite to your ex and trying to encourage her ex to play a more active role in their son’s life) and found it useful. Sounds like it might also be useful for you to keep evidence of all the attempts you have made that have been blocked by her. Again mediation might help you agree communication in between visits whilst he is still too young to be able to have this independently with you.

    #62548 Report

    James1977
    Participant

    Hi There,

    Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post.

    I’ve done everything to make things better but it keeps getting thrashed in my face. For example I lost my Mum this year and she didn’t let up even then. I asked could I collect my son a few hours later on the day I was meaning to pick my son up as I buried my Mum that same week. I was told “No” and if I wasn’t there at the normal time I wouldn’t see him all that weekend (My Weekend). As you an imagine I was and am devastated after losing my beautiful Mum and it broke my heart that someone could be so cruel (especially as my son was keen to see me). I’ve arranged and attended mediation twice but on on both occasions my ex wouldn’t and didn’t attend. Court is the only option I have left available to me and my son. I wouldn’t mind but after reading some of the other posts on here I have no idea why my ex is so bitter. I was never unfaithful, always provided and it was her who asked me to leave the family home. I love my Boy like all the other good Dads out there and will do everything I possibly can to be in his life forever.

    Thank you again and I sincerely and genuinely hope things continue to go as they are for you.

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by James1977. Reason: Spellig mistake
    #62564 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    yes that is very cruel. When my dad passed away, I was expecting my ex to refuse to let the kids visit, as it was not the normal court ordered time. I thought let me try ask my sister to message my ex’s sister to arrange this. and surprisingly she allowed kids to come over. maybe the shame factor lol. all this cruel and vindictive behaviour should serve as a reminder as why you made the right decision to walk away and your better off without this person in your life.

    #62582 Report

    AllTheCoffee
    Participant

    So so hard. I’m not in the same boat exactly as things are just about civil between my son’s dad and I, but I understand all the feelings. There’s so much bitterness and resentment with us, even though we roughly agree on childcare, and it is really hard to communicate well through those feelings. I can understand how and why some people are unable to take the high road, though am in no way condoning it. I guess my only advice would be that you’re not going to change who the mum is, and – though I don’t take my own advise here – focusing on the unfairness and how awful she is is actually a waste of time in the pursuit of an easier relationship down the road. Which is the objective I’m guessing. It may be impossible, and not sure I would be big enough, but what may help is attempting to empathise with her. She sounds very unreasonable, not disagreeing there, but is it that she’s angry with you/herself from back in the relationship, or is it that life is a struggle for her now and you’re an easy target to vent some of that unhappiness? If there is anything whatsoever you can think of to apologise for, maybe that would help, if part of her awful behaviour is rooted in resentment and anger at you for stuff in the past. I know you shouldn’t have to, but focusing on the end goal, I doubt you’re going to get anywhere fast by only communicating that you’re the victim and she is the bad guy (even though there’s truth in that!!). As I say though, not sure I’d be (wo)man enough to do it! Wishing you all the best. I have a 6yo son too, and totally understand how awful this must be x

    #62674 Report

    James1977
    Participant

    Hi,

    I can honestly say that apologizing to my ex wouldn’t help as I trying to be reasonable with the most unreasonable person I have ever encountered is a waste of time. However I do agree that she has a lot of resentment towards me although it was her who asked me to leave the family home. Which I did and I was only given 2 days to pack all my stuff up. Ive had the police at her house also as on one occasion her new partner told me to F***OFF and grabbed me round the throat so I called the police as it happened in front of my son. I of course didn’t retaliate and when the police cam he denied everything and no further action was taken because it was his word against mine as there was no cctv or evidence. I’m playing the long game and as court proceedings are underway I hope for the sake of my son that the courts will resolve or assist my situation.

    Ive sent you a private message and hope to hear from you.

    #62678 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    that sounds rough. maybe you can ask court that you don’t your ex’s partner to be present at handover or be threatening. perhaps you could make a video recording or take someone with you as witness/for safety.

    #62682 Report

    James1977
    Participant

    Hi Fella,

    My ex pulled him off me as she know herself that firstly doing it in front of my son was wrong and secondly she knew it would only strengthen my case at court. I wasn’t and am not scared of the poor excuse for a man and I’m sure Karma will come knocking one day for sure.

     

    #62694 Report

    L
    Participant

    Hi

    So sorry to hear about your situation 😞

    Sounds like all you want to do is be a good dad to your son and your ex is stopping you from doing that.

    I have the opposite to you, a dad I’m so wanting to build a relationship with his children but clearly puts very little effort in. It’s very much a case of he comes to pick them up because he has to, not because he wants to.

    Message me if u need a chat or rant!!

    Just keep on being the good dad u are👍

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