First time mummy to be navigating an unconventional lifestyle

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    Hi, I’m new to Gingerbread and I’m a first time mummy to be living in the NW3 area of London. I’ve just moved to the area, (though I did previously live in Hampstead Heath a few years’ back), and my baby is due next month which is exciting and somewhat overwhelming at the same time.


    I’ve been reluctant to look into single parent groups before now, as technically my baby’s father and I have not separated; our situation is a bit unique in that due to his family’s cultural beliefs (they are from Pakistan), I am not seen as an acceptable partner for him, and consequently, whilst we have maintained a very loving relationship over the years, it has always been kept secret from his family, and so is our baby. So I don’t see myself as single in the conventional sense, but at the same time, my partner is not always able  share my life like other couples are able to, for example we don’t live together as he has to go back to his parents in Birmingham and take his place in the family home when they ask for it to be so.


    Whilst my partner is always there remotely, I can’t deny that there are times when I do feel very lonely, and it can be hard building a social network when everyone seems to be in a conventional couple set up, (antenatal classes have been a nightmare, as I just find it too emotionally painful to attend alongside couples, as my partner has been unable to get down to London to attend)

    So after some thinking, I finally built up the courage to reach out to Gingerbread and see if perhaps I could find opportunities to get to know people in the area now I’ve moved here, and will definitely want to find opportunities to socialise with my baby girl when she arrives.

    Look forward to hearing any thoughts, ideas and/or introductions.


    #29762 Report


    Hi. I am in a similar ‘unique’ situation. I’m having a 3 months old baby girl and I am a single mum. (first time mummy too).

    I’ve been in a relation with the father for 3 years now. We are still seeing each other, but unfortunately, we’ve never been able to consume our relation properly due to his extremely jealous daughter, which lives with him. (she is 19 and he divorced his ex 8 years ago).

    We are just perfect when his daughter is not around, but as soon as she come back our problems start. He is not allowed to talk about the baby in front of her… Say no more.

    He can not leave with me and his new born child, because she is threten to give up on him as a father.

    I had no choice but to find a place and live separately, which I must say its not easy at all considering my situation.

    I adore my little girl but I’m feeling lonely at times. Curently leaving in N2 area –  I think not too far from where you are.

    Feel free to to talk to me if you need and take care.




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