First time mum conundrum!

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  • #42058 Report


    Hi all,

    I recently found out I’m 5 weeks pregnant, so still really early days. I’m not in a relationship and the father doesn’t want the pregnancy – mainly due to having hopes and dreams that don’t allow for a baby right now, but then again, is it ever the right time?

    I understand that following through with this pregnancy means that I will be a single mum from day dot, and I do realise the difficulties in that. I’m 27, live on my own in a rented 2 bed house and work full time. Ideally, I dont want to give up work long term, but understand that this may be forced upon me due to having no one else to help through the night. I understand what benefits I would be entitled to aswell.

    The father has said that he will support me with whatever decision I make, but he would prefer a termination. He’d be a good dad, I’ve known him for 10 years and seen how he is with kids and morals etc. So I’m not afraid of him not being there, but I don’t want him to resent a child because he believes he can’t achieve his 5 year plan.

    I do have family relatively close by, but not much “grandparent help” as both of my parents, and step dad, work full time – not that I’d expect my step dad to babysit for me! Also the fathers parents work full time and still have kids in school/university themselves, so I think I’d largely be on my own.

    I do really want to keep this baby, I’ve been the “step mum” before in a previous relationship too, so I understand that side of the coin as well, though that child was 2 when I got involved with his dad, so not quite the same as a newborn!

    Am I being silly, to keep this baby knowing that I’ll be struggling along, largely on my own? I do believe the father would help out, but his job means that he probably wouldnt be able to commit to full days/nights until child is older and in school, so I dont think I’d have the “every other weekend” arrangement that many have, though I’m sure my parents would help at weekends – they’re desperate for grandkids!

    I’m just in a bit of a conundrum, obviously this wasnt planned and it’s not how I wanted to start my own family at all! But, now it’s happened, I’m not sure I could forgive myself if I did terminate the pregnancy, though knowing that I’ll be on my own is daunting. The people I’ve told (not many, only my mum and really close friends and the father) are all a little against the idea. My mum is torn and thinks it’s partly wonderful, but also is worried about how I’d cope with it all. One friend is very pro pregnancy no matter what and one friend is very against it. I feel that I have no support in my choices or feelings right now, I just kind of want someone to give me a hug and tell me that it’s all going to be ok!

    #42059 Report


    Hi Amy πŸ™‚

    From what you’ve wrote it really sounds like you want to keep your baby but are scared at the prospect of doing it mainly on your own as a first time mum which is completely normal and understandable. Don’t let other peoples thoughts and opinions put you off though … From my own experience you’ll be fine and everything will be ok πŸ™‚

    Sending hugs xx

    #42077 Report


    Thank you MammaBear,

    That’s exactly it! I’ve been an independent person for a long time now, so it feels odd to feel that I may need to depend on other people for help, but I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew and claim to be able to become super mum! Haha.

    Self referred to the midwife today, so, things are starting to happen and I’m quite excited and settled in my decision. Fingers crossed this little one is healthy so far!

    #42106 Report


    Haha … The thing is though that you will always be seen as super mum to your child πŸ˜‰πŸ˜πŸ₯°

    I hope your first appointment goes well and that everything is ok … I’m sure it will be 😊

    Exciting (if not a little scary!) Times!! πŸ˜€

    P.S … Almost everyone feels all different emotions and has all different thoughts when they find out they’re expecting regardless of their situation but I can almost guarantee that your maternal instincts kick in and everything works out and falls into place πŸ™‚πŸ˜˜

    #42134 Report


    I am in a very similar situation! Its very scary. I still haven’t got my head around it. I finally have settled into a very good job and have always wanted a family but not to start one like this! Its scary to know everything will change and you feel like you are on your own already never mind when you have to look after a little human!

    I have desperately wanted a child and had conception issues so I should be over the moon this has happened but I have very mixed feelings. Everyone seems to have an opinion on it and its very tiring! But only you know what is right and plenty of people have done it on their own and raised fantastic children, why can’t you? X

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