First pregnancy has turned into a nightmare.

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  • #61573 Report

    Lunamarie
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I’m looking for some support and advice on this matter, I am 25 and have recently found out I’m pregnant with my first baby this being my first pregnancy and unplanned. I found out with my boyfriend and we told our close parents I.e. I told my mum he told his dad. I was worried from the get go though as not long before this my aunt lost her baby at 24 weeks and had to go through labour and my family were devastated and traumatised by this. I immediately agreed with my boyfriend that we should wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone else as although it’s not bulletproof it gave me slight comfort and sense of control over my pregnancy.
    I found out about two weeks ago now whilst at his dads house, that he had went behind my back and told his best friend I was pregnant (this best friend has had a problem with me from the start of me and my bf relationship and has egged him on to leave me in the past). I was shocked and felt really betrayed by this and I tried to ask my boyfriend about this to which he became very irate and began screaming and shouting at me throwing clothes at me and smashing up furniture in his dads house. I’ve never seen this side to him before and tried to stand up for myself but felt totally shocked and mortified, meanwhile his dad did nothing to de escalate the situation. I was crying and trying to leave which he did not allow me to do and eventually I had to call my mum for support. I managed to get out of the house the next morning and went to my mums house. She was obviously furious about this situation and reached out to both my bf and his dad to try do what’s best for the baby however they aren’t very interested and instead are making out that I’m just over reacting to the situation.

     

    Since then I’ve had nothing but arguments fired my way everytime I try to talk about what’s best for the baby. I’m met with hostility and disrespectful remarks, getting told I caused this and told it’s his child and he’ll be keeping the baby at his house for his dad to watch whilst he works for up to two weeks at a time. He’s also telling me he won’t be respecting my wishes to keep it private until 12 weeks and that he can tell who he wants. I’ve told him I need time to get my self together because I have been worried sick by all this and feel mortified and devastated that it has turned out this way. He has even been shouting down the phone at my mother telling her she’s ‘disgusting’ for trying to defend me. I feel I’ve not did anything wrong – I just asked why he had lied to me and went behind my back and yet somehow I’m to blame for all this?

    I am so excited and scared to be a mum but I know that I financially can provide and will do my best to give my baby the best life, I work full time in nursing and have great support from my family and family friends, but all this is taking it’s toll on me I’ve became avoidant of even talking about the baby I’m constantly upset and crying, getting terrible headaches and nightmares. I’m just so worried what will happen when the baby’s here and dreading having to have my (ex) bf at scans as I know it will turn into chaos but he is demanding he is included in this and is demanding he gets to take the baby to his (we live in different areas approx 30 miles away) for weeks at a time and after all this I just don’t trust him or his family after seeing how quickly he can become aggressive and how the family seem to think this is ok. I don’t know what to do but as I’m sticking to the 12 week rule I’ve not been able to talk to anyone about it other than my mum who is drained by all this.

    has anyone ever been in a situation like this and can offer any support or advice?

    #61574 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi Lunamarie, I’m sure other parents will connect with you soon. I just wanted to let you know that our helpline would be happy to talk through your options with you as well. Helpline – Gingerbread

    #61620 Report

    Magdalenka
    Participant

    Hi just would like to tell u some true words I needed to hear when was going through it.I feel you couse it is kinda shock your body is changing and moods are swinging all over the places.All you need to focus on is u and the baby.Eating healthy don’t work too hard let go and let God.Relax as much as u can and avoid arguments.Anything like crying or feeling down or depressed don’t make feel good to your baby.This is an amazing time make it the best of u can.Belive me your baby is the only you really fee to be the happiest in this planet.Keep the distance from ppl who make u feel worse.No advice from them who hurt u.Good you turn to us couse we went through it all and being pregnant doesn’t mean tato be the happiest woman couse of the pressure but seriously care for yr own very self and the baby now no one else matter.When u deliver you might  feel a bit lonely but that’s ok because you will feel deep down inside u both matter the most..Keep on reading of how to care for a new born get nice dress and some pics for your memory of pregnant for a lifetime.Relaks listen to nice music and don’t be affraid of telling ppl look I don’t wanna be sad now or upset I wanna be only happy from now on and forever please understand that’s it.No more explanation if they decide to turn their back on u ok belive me you are not loosing anything u are gaining strength for both of us.Don’t worry about anything the prettiest things in life are placed on the other side of the fear my dear.All the best for you both and welcome in the best side of life 🙃xx

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