Finding childcare when childcare cancels

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  • #63873 Report

    Claire2804
    Participant

    Hi,

    Just after a little bit of advice. I am separated from my husband. Our parents help out with childcare as we both work full time, however more often lately his parents are ‘sick’ which is understanable but it always lands on me to take time off work to care for them. Does he have a responbility to help find childcare or take time off work to look after our children when childcare cancels (especially when its on his side), or does this fall on me always?

    Thanks

    #63889 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    it seems the main responsibility falls on the parent the children live with. usually if parents can reach amicable arrangement (or via court), then they can have children on alternate weekends, or help out during the week with school runs etc. issue is if your husband is not interested in helping out, then there is nothing that can be done to make him help with childcare. if he is financially supporting kids, could it be spent on childcare providers?

    #63933 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    Hey, ive had similar discussion with my ex, although his argument is that as a mother with majority care I should stay home to raise our son as it’s the dads job to work and make a living. That would never work for us as he barely helped financially, I even had to get CMS to arrest his wages it was that bad. I do however choose to work full time as have good support network helping, only an hour or two before/after nursery. He’s very inconsistent with his visits, regularly cancelling or changing last minute. This was infuriating, as they saw me being a teacher That could leave work at 3pm so they expected me to do his pick ups, not realising the amount of extra work I had to do. I would never let my son down, especially days my mum had him as felt I was taking advantage of her kindness to help, so would always be there resulting in work brought home for when he’s in bed, which wasn’t ideal. My ex’s mum helps out with pick ups from nursery 2 days, so we agreed he would see him these days, picking up from her after work and dropping back at me at bed time. This worked for a while, as he would need to arrange directly with her if he was going to be late etc, plus I would arrange late nights these days due to expected child care so if I couldn’t be back she would have to keep him. Other than this he never arranges child care, even on days he’s cancelled visits, as far as I’m aware he doesn’t even try to help out. I’m lucky his family see this side to him aswell, and contact me directly when making plans so if needed I can ask them myself for help, although he’s not happy about it. I’ve found I can never win with my ex so I pick my battles, always give him opportunity to step up, so when I make other plans he can’t moan about them, and blame me for not seeing his son x

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